Defying the Raingods

Another dreadfully dark and dull day. Yet surprisingly, we had a full house – 23 brave soldiers of Lokhandwala Laughing Club, Garden Number Four, defying the rain gods to mark their presence at the Chinese Hut. All the usual and unusual suspects were there, including Ram Shankar Shukla, Kiran Sajjan and Sushma Gupta. After all, for how many days can anybody remain closeted indoors, glued to the TV, watching some godforsaken godman ranting on while everybody else talks of the Commonwealth Games' loot and Pakistan cricketers making a pile? A time comes when it makes more sense to step out of the house and smell the roses.
Besides, it’s such an adventure battling the morning breeze with a limp umbrella while negotiating puddles swirling with dog poop (hopefully!) and not getting splashed in the bargain, every time a school bus rushes past. You meet familiar faces on the way, but nobody wants to recognize anybody. Everybody concentrates on the road ahead, studying the potholes, banana peels, floating plastic and disembowelled rats pecked at by wet crows. And when you finally count your steps into the Garden, you discover that all the men’s bums are wet! (Seriously, why are only the men’s bums wet on rainy mornings?) There’s no point saying you sat on a damp Garden bench by mistake. We’ve heard that.
On a lighter note, shouldn’t something be done about these rains? It has never been so bad for so long – that too, so late in the year. It’s about September now. If clouds can be seeded to bring rainfall, surely they can be unseeded (if not de-seeded). Life would be so much easier then – no lazy mornings, no ranting babas, no floating dog poop, no disembowelled rats, no wet bums, no caterpillars, centipedes, earthworms… We can get back to exercising out in the open, bathed in sunshine and hopefully, even smell the roses.

Bhaswati Bose says:
These are precisely the reasons why I am not venturing out. Am waiting for the sunshine and the fragrance of flowers around the Garden, instead of the damp rotten smell prevaling now. But then, the temptation to meet everybody is also there. So may be will make it tomorrow if it dosen't rain heavily. (Renu, please note, you better be there).
--Bhaswati

Renu Babani says:
Yes Ma'am, I shall be there. And looks like you too will attend. Well, regarding the fragrances, I beg to differ. What fragrances are you talking about? Chanel 5 emanating from the stagnant waters? Or Prophecy from the dead insects/animals etc? But I do agree it is about time for some sunshine, because I am certain everyone is fed up with the non-stop rains. By the way, missing the sweet melodious music in the mornings. So hopefully, Mr Arora will come tomorrow and we shall have the usual music.
--Renu

Monsoon Musings

At first Ved Prakash Grover came in, a copy of the Bhagavad Gita tucked securely under his arm. Santosh-ji (left pic) followed, with Bose a few steps behind. After a while, Rane-bhau showed up. And then, Shekhawat-ji came in to start the exercises. By the time we finished, we were just about 10 in the Chinese Hut – though still, more in number than all the rest of the people who had strayed into the Garden this morning.
It was by far the wettest morning of the season. After three days of incessant rainfall, nobody expects anybody to turn up. But with low attendance, there are some inherent advantages. You have enough space in the Hut to move and stretch yourself without having to make room for others or climb up on the side platforms like a joker. There are minimum distractions. You concentrate better on the exercises – unless of course, you tend to drift away in your own thoughts and lose track of the action around you.
We have had occasions when the person conducting the exercises forgets the sequence and either skips a particular drill or repeats it absent-mindedly. At times, somebody might suddenly burst into a loud guffaw when s/he should be doing the silent laughter. Today, Santosh-ji did the ‘full rotation of the neck’ both clockwise and anti-clockwise, five times each, and forgot soon afterwards. She wanted us to do it again.
Otherwise, Santosh-ji is quite a perspicacious person with unique insights on life which can be educative to us all. For instance, not many know of this conversation she once had with Sunita-ji (rt pic). “After 50, insaan gadha ban jata hai,” she reflected bitterly. “We have to look after the children, house, our grandchildren… We are so burdened by everyday problems of the household that we scarcely find time for ourselves.”
“After 50, insaan ullu ban jata hai,” Sunita-ji corrected her. “We hardly get any sleep. We stay awake in the darkness all night, waiting for daybreak so that we can go out to the Garden and do some Ha-Ha Ho-Ho!”
That is some consolation for those who did not show up this morning. After all, who wants to be seen as an ullu?

Renu Babani says:
So far, I don't feel like what either Santosh-ji or Sunita-ji has to say. I guess my time will come sooner or later! Yes, considering the weather, the members are less at the Garden, but no one is to blame. Today, while doing the exercises, I was observing the 'Garden Cat' snuggled up on one of the rugs. Perhaps it was waiting for someone to start up a conversation with it, or just watching the session. However, it got bored towards the end and curled up for a 'catnap'. By the way, Mrs. Bose, just because I come to the Garden doesn't mean you decide to stay indoors. Hoping to see you tomorrow, I SHALL be there!
--Renu

Silence Is Golden

Ramila-ben managed to make one convert in the Club. Her on-today, off-tomorrow maun vrat has inevitably led to a comedy of errors – what with having to communicate in sign language, being misunderstood by all and sundry, getting almost waylaid by auto-rickshaw wallahs and so on.
Today some of that appears to have rubbed off on Kajal Babani. Despite extreme provocation from the likes of Bhaswati and Arora-ji, she stoically maintained her vow of silence, refusing to utter one word in the Club. She participated in all the exercises, laughed in her mind (when she had to), watched the toffees being distributed (to mark 50 days of this blog) in mild amusement and smiled benevolently at the centipedes getting trampled under everybody’s feet. Clearly, she was above all this. She had already reached a higher state of consciousness. This, from a person with an unbeatable sense of humour and comic timing.
In contrast, her husband Dilip was his normal jovial self, feet firmly on the ground and enacting all kinds of monkey tricks with Rane-bhau. (They are superb at doing this!) Yet somehow, Arora could detect a glimmer of sadness in Dilip’s face and even saw his eyes flickering in tears.
“Dekho, unki aankhein rotey-rotey laal ho gayi hai,” he pointed out to Kajal. “Did you scream at him all night? Now, see the result – you have lost your voice!” Nevertheless, with paternal concern, he suggested that she gargle with warm water and take some honey so as to revive her vocal chords.
Kajal kept smiling her Mother Teresa smile, as though to say: “How easily men get fooled.” Poor Arora, unable to unravel the mystery behind that beatific countenance, slung his duffel bag with the music system on his shoulder and stomped away in a huff.
But Bhaswati was not one to give up easily. An old sparring partner, she constantly kept needling Kajal, determined to extract one pearl of wisdom from her lips. “Bol, bol,” she said, poking and prodding her right up to the Gate. But Kajal was unmoved. She had taken her vow of silence and she would not break it – not today, at least.
Eventually, Bhaswati also gave up.
In the pic:Kajal Babani (left) with Bhaswati Bose

S.V.Arora says:
I never knew this maun vrat. I think both the ladies, Mrs Bose and Mrs Kajal must be laughing at my innocence. I was really surprised to see them both smiling. Anyway it's good that I could bring some sort of smile to someone. God bless both the ladies.
--Arora

Renu Babani says:
Congrats Kajal! Guess you were determined to keep quiet today, despite everyone teasing you. I guess they must have been surprised at your silence! I wish I was there today to see it. I shall be back in the Garden on Monday -- that is, of course if I get up! However to the regulars, I must say hats off to them for their regular attendance.
--Renu

Half Century!

We have hit the half-century mark – 50 days of uninterrupted blogging, barring of course, the initial two-three posts when we’ve had to move in fits and starts to test the waters. From July 6, we have been fully on-stream, reporting every morning on the activities of the Club, six days a week, come rain or sunshine.
In the process, we have learnt a lot from (and about) one another, captured individual quirks and kinks, highlighted everybody’s goodness and innate merits, and tried not to hurt or judge anybody. We have recorded our moments of happiness and sorrow – be it a birthday, a bereavement or an illness. We have reported on the many visitations, from crow to cat and monkey to grasshopper. We have also held a mirror to ourselves in the hope that we become better individuals tomorrow!
On one count though, we have failed. We have not been able to reach out to our members the way we’d have liked to, largely because most of them do not have direct access to the Net. They tend to depend on younger family members – a son/daughter or daughter-in-law (or grandchild) depending on who is free – just to switch on the computer. Interaction on this site has therefore been minimal. True, these are early days to expect too much, but still we can try.
For one, let us have an ‘Announcement’ section on the page (instead of the stupid Slideshow appearing alongside) carrying information on say, a puja or birth in someone’s house or a member’s child/grandchild scoring top marks in an examination… anything which we’d want others to know? For another, we could run classifieds (free-of-charge for our members) of businesses and services in the side-panels on a regular basis.
On Sundays, we could perhaps invite someone’s kid to post an essay or short story… Even personal photographs of a vacation well-spent could be shared – the idea being to generate some interactivity and a sense of belongingness on this platform.
Think about it. And do send in your responses – by clicking Comments below. You could be having better ideas.
Renu Babani says:
The ideas do sound interesting. However, doesn't it come to the same thing for those who rely on others to have access on the Net? They still have to get onto the site. Maybe in due course, they too will be able to access the Net independently and check out the regular posts.
Another suggestion could be that someone prints the regular post on a daily basis, makes copies and distributes the next day among the members. That does sound like a hassle too actually, but something to consider.
I have a small riddle that I would like to share with everyone and let's see who replies instantly. A young gentleman used to visit a particular prisoner on a daily basis without fail. The jailor noticed this regular attendance and got rather curious. So he asked the gentleman very politely: "Sir, you visit this prisoner every single day. Could you please tell me how is he related to you?" The gentleman replied as follows: "His father is my father's son." So, figure out the relation between the prisoner and this gentleman and let me know. It is really simple!
--Renu

Birthday Bugbear

Shekhawat-ji had to bring up the ‘birthday bugbear’ again. He announced that Kishor-bhai would like to celebrate his birthday on September 12 and whoever wanting to join him on hosting the Club party is welcome to do so. “I would also like to appeal to the ladies not to entertain outsiders (read ‘gatecrashers’) and unless otherwise told, I will not hesitate to ask an unwelcome guest to leave,” he added.
That did it. Promptly, history was recalled – when, in the past, someone called someone on someone’s birthday and fed him/her and that someone does not belong to the Club. These so-called outsiders simply spare about in the Chinese Hut, refusing to budge while a party is on and out of courtesy they are given food packets. More often than not, stocks run out and the person hosting the party is left with an embarrassing deficit.
Now, this is a genuine issue that cannot be laughed away. How do you recognize who is not a guest of the host(ess) and cold-shoulder him/her on a particular date? How do you police the premises? When everybody knows everybody (well, almost) in the Garden, how do you avoid eyeball contact with a non-member, just because a birthday party is on? Decency demands that the latter vacates the place before being told to.
But then, decency remains in short supply and the host inevitably is made to look foolish in the end – as it happened on Kishor’s birthday last year. He made provision for 50 guests (twice that of the members present), ordered as many packets from Vyanjan, had a huge cake laid out and cut… and was still found wanting. Let alone he and his family, there was not enough food to go by. Where the packets had disappeared is still a mystery.
“We should draw up a list of people entitled to attend a party and somebody should stand with the list at the gate to screen everybody coming in ,” suggested Rane-bhau helpfully, little realizing he was prescribing a recipe for turning the Chinese Hut into a war zone.
“At the last party we even saw food packets being taken out and given away,” narrated Monthi Serrao(left). “The member doing this would then come back and expect to be served more packets. How do you expect the food to last this way?”
Indeed, that is a point to ponder. Maybe we should seriously consider Santosh-ji’s idea about feeding everybody Hajmola pills with a vengeance -- on an empty stomach. That way, life would be so much simpler!!!
Renu Babani says:
I totally understand the dilemma here. The situation gets rather embarassing. It is tough as some members want to celebrate all the way; others, with distributing chocolates/mithai; and a few like being wished. This is actually a personal choice --each to his own. Whichever way the person wants to celebrate is a choice and no one is forced to compete with the other. We are here to share in the other's happiness, and isn't that what is important in the end? No amount of discussions will put an end to this situation because parties will take place and it is all a merry-go-around. So, why not take it in our stride and like they say, 'live and let live'?
--Renu

Where Are They?

News comes in of Hari Narayani holidaying at Lonavala. This accounts for his absence from the Garden for the past few days. It seems he has swung some deal with a senior citizens’ group that allows him an extended trip to the nearby hill station for Rs 300 – all expenses included. Trust Hari-bhai not to avail of the opportunity!
At least his whereabouts are known. What about the others who have also been regulars for long, but are not to be seen these days? Many of them are regarded an inseparable part of the Club and the very reason for its existence – much like Shekhawat-ji and Arora-sah’b. Their presence carries that magical quality which automatically brings a smile to your lips. Unfortunately, we take such people for granted and it is only in their absence that we notice them.
Dilip Babani (lt pic)is one such. His natural sense of humour coupled with zany mannerisms can only be matched by the quick repartee of his equally lively wife, Kajal. Together, they make a terrific pair who can set the Garden on fire. Now that they are not coming, the exercise sessions have lost their spark and tend to drag into dull monotony, day after day.
We are also missing Santosh-ji and her inimitable deadpan one-liners. According to her, she has a collection of nearly 600 jokes, fully memorized, from which she’d religiously narrate one or two soon after the suryanamaskar prayers. Nowadays, the mornings seem incomplete without the daily dose of jokes.
There is Pratap Bhatt also, one of the oldest members of the Club. Last heard, he was in some obscure village in Gujarat, breaking bread with his three brothers. This is a ritual he has been indulging in every year and according to Motwani (who shares his maid servant), the gentleman was supposed to return on August 20. There’s no trace of him.
And what about Sunita-ji? She chased a cheeky young fellow plucking neem leaves out of the Garden and has herself disappeared since. Also missing for long is Harish Kumar Wadhwa (rt pic) and his million-watt smile. We are just as anxious to have Sharma-ji back in our midst, hoping he has got over his bereavement. We look forward to the return of all our Muslim brothers and sisters as well, soon after Eid.
Without these people around, half the fun of meeting in the morning is lost!
Renu Babani says:
I guess with the weather playing havoc, many people do not attend the morning sessions. Apart from that, the monsoon has brought about several illnesses and some of our members have been targeted. Hopefully once Ramadan is over and the weather settles down a bit, everyone will return in full swing. Yes, each member is unique in their own way, and that is what makes us so special. We are lucky to be in each other's company and should never forget that. May God bless all of us, always!
--Renu

Raksha Bandhan

Rainy Raksha Bandhan day. Only the sister-less, brother-less, friend-less, worthless and luckless sorts were to turn up today. Instead, we found all the nicest people around – from Shekhawat to Arora to Rane and Kishor to Naid Khan, Geeta, Monthi, Bhaswati and Mrs Singh… They were all there in full strength.
Which brings up the big question: Why aren’t we celebrating Raksha Bandhan at the Club?
We celebrate birthdays, smear one another with colour on Holi, throw joint-parties in fancy restaurants and go out on picnics. We start the day together and are always there for one another through thick and thin, good times and bad. For, we consider ourselves family. So what prevents the ladies from tying rakhis on the wrists of male members?
On second thoughts, how would the men respond to the idea? It is all right for Mumtaz to be saying “Shekhawat-bhai” or Ramila-ben referring to Bose as “Bhaiyya” on a day-to-day basis. But on Raksha Bandhan day, you don’t discriminate. So all the men become bhaiyyas and all the women become behenjis. In all, 20-odd bhaiyyas and an equal number (if not more) behenjis – which is still fine.
What’s perhaps not fine is when every behenji insists on tying a rakhi on every bhaiyya in the Club. Imagine Arora-ji or Hari-bhai returning home, walking down the street with a dozen glittering rakhis festooned on each arm -- from the shoulder to finger-tips. All our male members would become walky-talky Christmas trees for no fault of theirs. If the cops don't arrest them, their wives would lock them up.
And it doesn’t end there. What do the men give the behenjis in return? Seriously, if every bhaiyya has to reciprocate the gesture in all sincerity, he’s had it! It’d be the ‘loot of the year’ for the ladies. And for the rest of the year, you wouldn’t find a single male in the morning within a mile of the Garden. No wonder, men are so terrified by the idea of rakhi.
So what’s the alternative? Just wish one another good luck and fresh air? Better still, not wish anybody at all. Just pretend you forgot it is Raksha Bandhan day. That’s exactly what we did today.
S.V.Arora says:
It is really a very good proposal to celebrate Rakhi in the Garden. I would appreciate if your suggestions are accepted and our female members choose their lovable brothers in the Garden. I, at least, would love to have so many sisters (through your proposal) since I don't have any sister. You only value the things you don't have. Anyway I really liked your article. Please keep it up.
--Arora
Renu Babani says:
A sacred thread doesn't necessarily signify the real meaning of Raksha Bandhan. It is the inner feeling of a true brother or sister (or adopted one) which shows what relationships are all about. Being there for each other in times of need, understanding the other's feelings without a word and just knowing there is someone you can rely on anytime. Yes, this ceremony is respected no doubt, and each one has the right to celebrate in his/her own way. So hope everyone had a great day today!

Peaceful Coexistence

The sun continues to play truant. And still, somehow, we could complete our exercises out in the open, without taking a break (before it began to rain). The insects and crawlies in the grass, took their chances as usual, especially with those in shorts (see pic). They crept up the many hairy legs to feast on blood and leave behind their signature bumps on the skin – which surely can itch like hell.
But we have learnt to live with such irritants. We know there’s no point trying to shake off these creatures because they are bound to come back anyway. When you cannot fight them, you must endure them.
Besides, we have realized that they do not cause any real damage. In a spirit of peaceful co-existence, they restrict themselves to feeding on your leg only below the knees – not venturing above. So one gets to live and let live. At the most you might have to perform a gig on one leg while trying to itch the affected part with the shoe of your other leg. But that’s okay, so long as you don’t interrupt the rhythm of the exercises.
The other major irritant was the unusual clamour generated by the music system today. Pray, who wants to hear some crazy idiot belting out “Dil mangta hai… toh aaja soniye” early in the morning? Now contrast this with what we have been listening to all along, eg. a sonorous devotional in Jagjit Singh’s voice: “Hath jod kar ardas Guruji, Wahe Guru, Wahe Guru…”
A number like this induces inner peace and calm – the right mental state to start the day. Or take a Manna De classic like Laaga Chunari Mey Daag or any of the vintage hits of the ‘50s and ‘60s in the voices of Rafi, the Mangeshkar sisters, even Mukesh. We rarely get to hear those golden oldies these days.
Still, if there are some people who insist upon listening to the modern jhin-chak early in the morning, we mustn’t grudge them. Tastes differ and in a free country, we must learn to co-exist peacefully. All we can say is this: Play your music by all means, but keep it on Silent!
Renu Babani says:
I totally agree. A bit more peaceful, soft music in the morning sounds sweeter than the loud music. Oldies are the best as the words have so much meaning and sound very pleasant during that time. After all, morning is supposed to be quiet and filled with the sounds of chirping birds, cool breeze and rustling leaves. Yes, the insects do have a field day at our expense. But, I guess, they need nourishment too!
--Renu

‘Take Attention Please’

After a long, long time, Sitaram Hivarkar conducted our exercises today. He came in early and so, on popular demand, had no escape but to officiate as the man in the middle. And true to his style, he started out with, “Take Attention Please”, followed by his patented expressions like “Now for the Up!”, “Full Circle of the Neck”, “Take a Deep Breathe… Hold” and so on.
It is always a joy to have Sitaram conducting the exercises. For, at first sight, he can appear to be terribly sloppy, with a pronounced tummy, an ungainly gait and a frilly pink umbrella for company. But when he takes charge, ramrod straight like a PT drill master, his whole body language changes. A man of few words, he commands respect and you cannot but take him seriously.
Now, there are three others who have been also conducting the exercise sessions (by turns), each with a distinctive style of functioning. Naid Khan is the most gentle and easygoing, probably because as a woman, she cannot be as assertive as the men are. But she often has her way, by snapping at the women, “Baatein kum” and everybody clams up. The only problem with her is that she tends to rush things through.
In sharp contrast, we have Arora-sah’b, who’s no less than a hectoring school principal who means business. Nothing escapes his eyes – whether it is about bending down, swinging your arms or breathing correctly. He’s a hard taskmaster who’d not hesitate to reprimand you, regardless of who’s watching. For many, he can be a real terror. But you realize in the end, it’s all for your own good.
In between the two extremes, there’s our Yusuf-bhai with his benign smile, tolerant attitude and is yet, quick to correct you when you’re wrong. He has the time, midway through the exercises, to engage in small talk and crack jokes also. But if you observe closely, you’ll find a perfectionist in him. Many of us have learnt from this gentleman.
There are of course, volunteers like Razia Khan and Rane who have occasionally filled in for these four. Even Sunita has conducted when there’s been no option. It’s not as though the others do not know how to exercise. It’s just that knowing is one thing and standing in the centre is another. Out there, you tend to goof up on the sequencing of the exercises. And that is not a happy sight.
In passing, there’s a bit of news for those looking for a new reason to laugh. Tune in to TIMES NOW tomorrow (Sunday, August 22) at 12.00 noon (and 8 p.m. repeat telecast) for a programme, Total Recall on yesteryear film comedies. You’ll find Bose-babu giving his two-bit comment on Kishore Kumar.
Renu Babani says:
I may sound ignorant, but please let me know what is this TIMES NOW? Never heard of it actually. So do update me a bit.
Yes, we do have various members standing in the centre and doing the exercise. It does require guts to come forward despite the fact that we all know one another. But someone has to do it and rest assured, it is highly appreciated.
Looks like the monsoon is still here to stay, thus forcing us into the Chinese Hut time and again. However, we need to be grateful for what we get because it is a lot!
--Renu
Renu Babani adds:
Hey! I am not that ignorant as it looks like! After going through the TV page in the newspaper, I did find TIMES NOW. So, hopefully I do have that channel and if so, shall definitely watch the show. Lazeee weekend! Didn't go to the Garden on Sunday. Let's see if Monday proves to be motivating for me.
--Renu (22/8)

Creating History!

History was made today at Lokhandwala Laughing Club, Garden No 4. Renu Babani (pic rt) turned up for the third successive morning – a feat hitherto unmatched by any of her female contemporaries (barring seniors like Santosh-ji and Naid Khan) including Ramila Mistry, Bhaswati Bose, Neelam Garg, Kajal Babani and Sandhya Narang. Our congratulations to her for achieving this hat trick!
By her own admission (see last comment on the Conversation With Cat post), Renu surprised herself when she managed to “get up early and was on time” at the Club yesterday morning. It had obviously taken her a great deal of planning and single-minded resolve to accomplish this Herculean task. Whether it meant staying up all night or retiring to bed early afternoon of the previous day, we shall never know. But this much we know: When the results showed on the first day, Renu was ecstatic: “Yay!!! I managed the most unimaginable feat today... got up EARLY and managed to make it to the Garden, though was late,” she noted in her comments of August 18.
Clearly, there is a lesson in this for us: If you set your mind on something, however insurmountable it might appear, success awaits you. Renu has shown us the way, leading by example. In all this, her hubby, Kishor must also share some credit. For days on end, Shekhawat had been pestering him on why his wife was doing phunti every day and his reply would be simply putting his palms together, tilting his head to one side and shutting his eyes. The message was clear.
The other big news of the day was that we could catch a glimpse of Sunita-ji’s famous temper. The otherwise affable and jovial lady (pic left) got suddenly worked up this morning when she spotted a tall, unusually lanky Amitabh Bachchan wannabe trying to reach up a neem tree close to where we were exercising. The fellow did not know what hit him when Sunita-ji went charging at him. We too were dumbstruck. Nobody uttered a word. How would plucking a few neem leaves make any difference? Our 'Qutub Minar' does it every morning. He not only plucks leaves, but breaks the branches as well for his daatun. Sunita-ji has no issue with that but just because somebody resembles the Amitabh Bachchan of Sharaabi, she gave him the biggest dressing down of his life.
The fellow simply scampered away as though chased by Hamlet's ghost!
Bhaswati Bose says:
I have attended for the whole of last week at a stretch. Only this week, I may have done some "phunti maaroing". So unfair to give credit only to Renu!
--Bhaswati
Renu Babani says:
Come on Mrs Bose, you are a regular. I, on the other hand, appear out of nowhere. However, it makes me realise how much I am being missed at the Garden. This is a motivation for me surely, and hopefully shall ensure that I attend the exercises regularly and on a daily basis! So Mrs Bose, hoping to see you at the Garden once more. To be honest,I sleep late at night, and that morning sleep is so sweet, that don't feel like getting up. However, I literally force my eyes open, turn off the A/C and fan so the heat will get to me and have no choice but to get up. There, gave you my secret! Regarding Sunita-ji, I bet you that guy will not even come near the Chinese Hut, because the mere sight of her will remind him of the incident. Today we did the entire exercise out in the open, and it felt great. The rain gods were merciful and something to be glad about as well.
--Renu

Andar-Bahar

Andar-Bahar is a loaded Hindi expression, lending itself to a variety of interpretations. For us, it has become a daily chore, as we have to move in and out (rather, out-‘n’-in) of the Chinese Hut, thanks to the intermittent showers. The extended monsoon this year is turning out to be a terrible irritant as we don’t get to complete our exercises at one place.
No body likes to exercise inside the Chinese Hut as it gets too claustrophobic. Movement is restricted. You are constantly bumping into one another. You can’t even stretch your arms without touching someone standing alongside. Besides, the air turns so humid and heavy that putting on the overhead fans does not help. You end up dripping in sweat.
Outside the Chinese Hut, things get only worse. You enjoy some fresh air, but along with it, a cocktail of smells from the dumping ground on the periphery of the Garden. Over the past few weeks, we have learnt to distinguish the stink of a rotting dog from that of a rotting cat, a rotting bandicoot (yes, frogs as well) from human excreta and such assorted garbage. During the monsoon, the stench becomes so overpowering that it hits you with the vengeance of a sledgehammer every time the wind changes direction.
The worst part is that you allow a variety of insects in the grass to feast on your body. In your unguarded moments, the legs (particularly, if you are in shorts) become the happy playground for all kinds of crawlies – from bugs to centipedes to worms and armies of ants. And if you’ve managed to avoid them, how do you deal with the mosquitoes from the adjacent drain? Early morning mosquitoes are supposed to be carriers of dengue. And here, not a day passes without every one of us having mosquito bumps to show for our morning exercises. It is a miracle that we are still alive!
Little wonder, Sitaram gets restless after exercising for some time outside the Chinese Hut. Today, he kept nudging Shekhawat and Rane long before it had started to drizzle: “Andar kab jayenge?”
Arora overheard him: “Andar toh hamare dushman bhi na jaye!”
Obviously (and deliberately), he had taken “andar” to mean “inside jail”. And the way kept looking pointedly at the Garden gate, it seemed as though he was expecting cops to show up any moment. That was enough to put Sitaram’s anxiety to rest.
Indeed, andar-bahar can have many meanings.
Kishor Babani says:
Still Chinese Hut is like our second home. Every day, morning and evening, we are in it. It saves us from rain, etc.
--Kishor
Kishor Babani says again:
I told God, "Let all my friends be healthy and happy forever!"
God said: "But for 4 days only!"
I said: "Yes, let there be a Spring day, Autumn day, Summer day and Winter day!"
God said: "No, 3 days!"
I said: "Yes, Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow!"
God said: "No, 2 days!"
I said: "Yes, a Bright day (daytime) and Dark day (night-time)!"
God said: "No, just one day!"
I said: "Yes!"
God asked: "Which day?"
I said: "Everyday!"
God laughed and said: "You really know how to negotiate. But since you are praying and asking happiness for your friends, I can’t refuse. I love everyone who thinks of others first. So don't you worry. All your friends will be happy everyday."
--Kishor
Bose asks:
What if he changes his mind again? How can you trust this funny God who does not keep his word. Thoroughly unreliable fellow!
Renu Babani says:
Whether he changes his mind or not, one has to trust him at times and it does work! Besides, if you have peace and happiness within you, no one can take that away. And he will definitely give you more!
Renu
Renu Babani says again:
The "wonderful" odours really put a damper in the morning. However, exercising in the open is definitely a better option, considering the Chinese Hut is an abode for centipedes, which have approached the jaws of death -- or rather, the foot of death, of a particular member. Strange, that this Garden which should be for everyone to enjoy, has turned out to be a zoo of sorts for cats, dogs and varied insects! Wouldn't it be wonderful if no animals, insects or creatures were around? One could enjoy the greenery, and an odour-free Garden. What is the point of walking/ exercising/ sitting in the Garden if one cannot enjoy nature to its fullest?
--Renu

Conversation With Cat

A couple of weeks back a monkey paid us a courtesy visit. Earlier, a wet crow dropped in(literally!). Today, it was the turn of a white cat. Sitting on top of a ladder left behind by the Garden electrician, it studied us intently like a Wimbledon umpire.
After the exercises were done, we struck a conversation with this chap:
“Hey cat, what are you doing up there?”
“That’s exactly what I’ve been waiting to ask you. What are you guys doing?”
“We are laughing, can't you see? We come here to laugh.”
“You don’t get to laugh any place else?”
“We exercise too.”
“Then why did that spectacled joker with black shorts and yellow T-shirt chuck the dead frog away? I haven’t had breakfast yet. The fat baldie with striped T-shirt even suggested making frog soup.”
“Don’t talk like this. He’s our Arora-sah’b. He goes to Singapore to have frog soup.”
“But I see him here fiddling with the music system. You morons can't dance to save your lives and still you want to listen to music.”
“So? What’s your problem?”
“Why’s that man in dark-blue T-shirt holding his stomach all the time?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“Who’s that other baldie who wants to dance, but you don’t allow him?”
“Rane? Sitaram…”
“No, not Sitaram. He’s the one who carries a ladies’ umbrella. I know him.”
“So you already know some of us?”
“I know all the women. I know Sunita has to leave early because she has a water problem at home. Ramila’s daughter is in London. Bhaswati gets up late. Monthi’s son would be leaving for the U.S. soon. Geeta’s husband is in the hotel line. So is Sandhya Narang’s. The only regulars among women are Naid Khan and Santosh Tyagi. You see, I know all about them. I am Womanizer Cat!” Saying that, it gave a sly wink and jumped off its perch.
For those who came in late, a half-dead frog was found on the floor of the Chinese Hut this morning. It had to be tossed out before exercises could begin. Hence the reference to the frog at the beginning of the conversation.
Renu Babani says:
Interesting conversation, I must say. However, don't tell me we have run out of things to say to one another! Now I know why the awful smell today in the garden. The culprit was the dead frog! Well, bet you even the frog wanted a piece of the action, but was unable to take it.
Today I observed something interesting during the exercise. (Yay!!! I managed the most unimaginable feat today... got up EARLY and managed to make it to the Garden, though was late.) Anyway, during the exercise session, it was interesting to observe two people standing on the benches... Mr Bose and Mr Rane! Yea, actually I assumed it was due to lack of space in the Chinese Hut. However, it was fun watching them doing their exercise with the rest of us, but also looked like two principals keeping an eye on their students to ensure all was fine. Yea, the music system, Mr Arora's little baby, is back in action and everyone is happy. I bet you the cat was more interested in the music than our exercises!
--Renu
Bhaswati Bose says:
I also spoke to the cat. It told me that two little cute women keep on chatting non-stop throughout the exercises!
--Bhaswati
Kishor Babani says:
Hey, let us change the exercise teacher and make Smt Narayani our new teacher for a few days.
--Kishor
Dr Sumit Paul says:
I read the post with rapt interest. The description's so lovely and lively, reminding me of Ogden Nash's My Cat's Birthday. --Sumit
Renu Babani says:
Seriously, Mrs Bose, now who are those two cute women? You got me curious! Besides, we women need to engage in some conversation during the exercise. Otherwise how will it get entertaining at the Chinese Hut? I think that is one of the reasons we get together in the morning.
By the way, I am still wondering how did I manage to get up early today (19/8) as well and was on time! Strange things happen, I guess.
--Renu

Survival Instincts

Our music system is back. Call it back from the dead, a second lease of life, return of the dear departed or triumph of the electronic spirit – the tiny white three-in-one showed up on a chair this morning, merrily celebrating its rebirth with full-throated bhajans in Anup Jalota’s voice: “Jai Jai Ram, Jai Jai Ram, Do akshar ke, ek hi naam!”
So Arora-ji has finally succeeded in reviving it. For the past fortnight, he has been on this single-minded mission, scouring the city for someone who could breathe life into his beloved music system. Eventually a kind-hearted gentleman from Borivali proved to be its saviour. One has to also say that Harish Wadhwa’s prophesy (see July 30 post) did turn out true. He was the only one to trust Arora-ji on reviving the system at a time when everybody had given up on it.
This never-say-die spirit infused a resurgence of health and fitness concerns among members today. Shekhawat’s return (from a bout of diarrhea) triggered a debate on whether we are eating right in these unsafe times. Shekhawat insists that he is no patron of roadside eateries and it could be one of three possibilities that had done him in: (i) left-over food recycled for dinner; (ii) the household bai not cleaning utensils properly; and (c) over-indulgence in fried stuff served at Club parties.
“Is it necessary to serve only namkeens at a birthday party?” queried Arora-ji.
Pertinent question. Sitaram got his chance: “This is why I have been insisting on toffees and laddoos during parties.”
“Let’s stop namkeens immediately and get back to distributing sweets as we used to do earlier,” suggested Tara Chand.
“Not immediately,” said Monthi, whose birthday party is due next month. “From 1st January, perhaps -- New Year.”
“Good idea,” Dilip-bhai shook his head. “Till then, everybody will be handed a digestive tablet along with pakoras and namkeens.”
“Why along with…?” Mrs Harbans Singh intervened. “Distributing only Hajmolas on birthdays is good enough!”
Our survival instincts are getting the better of our sensibilities.
In the pic: Kishor-bhai with Arora-ji, hugging his electronic marvel!
Renu Babani says:
Well done! The music system is back from ICU. I guess it needed some TLC (Tender Loving Care), just like tending to a child. Regarding the parties and snacks served on that event, yes, it is a good idea to just distribute sweets/mithai. However, the majority should agree with this idea so that everyone is happy!
--Renu

Monday Blues

Like little school-going kids, members of the Club seem to be increasingly struck by the early morning blues every Monday. Today was no exception. Ever since Sunday was declared an “unofficial holiday”, we have been witnessing a marked drop in attendance and a large number of late arrivals the next morning. The break in daily routine (in order to give the body its weekly rest), coupled with late nights in almost every home on Sunday, inevitably leads to lethargy that is hard to overcome on Monday.
Besides, yesterday was Independence Day. Many had gone to Garden No 2 to celebrate and were treated to snacks and refreshment. According to Hari-bhai, there was better fare on offer, including live entertainment at the Celebration Club across the road. Obviously, he had gone to both the places and came out feeling doubly patriotic from the experience! And still, he was able to summon the vigour and zeal to be up and moving this morning.
Shekhawat however, could not make it because of a running tummy. “Loose motion ho gaya,” he complained when Arora called him at his home. “Chaar baar ho aaya hoon subah se.”
“Kachra-patti kha liya hoga,” Motwani deduced while Arora relayed Shekhawat’s plight on the cell-phone.
But Arora was not one to let go easily: “Suna hai aap kal chaar-paanch ladkiyon ke peecha kar rahe thhey.” Pausing, he added: “Main nahin bol raha hoo, Bose ne dekha aapko.”
Before the conversation could move any further, Tara Chand (in pic)took the phone to wish Shekhawat well and also record his presence in the Club. Yes, Tara Chand is back from Delhi after a three-and-half month hiatus. He had to do up his house there and attend a wedding in the family.
Ram Shankar Shukla is also back from a holiday. Last seen, he had his trousers in a twist over an umbrella at the Kalyan Village Resort on June 20.
Renu Babani says:
Firstly, the picture of the group looks great! I pity Mr Shekawat regarding his 'running tummy'. I do hope he gets well soon, 'cos the group is no fun without him around. He has his own ways of making the exercise enjoyable.
By the way, the important news is that the clean-up of the Garden has begun and that is good.
--Renu
S.V.Arora says:
Since the last two days, our most dear Shekhawat was not there because of a wrong pressure. But today (17/8) he has appeared and all of us are very happy to see him back. God bless him.
--Arora

Aaaal Eeeez Well!

Hari Narayani finally got to celebrate his birthday – with Ramila Mistry, Sadanand Pawar and Kiran Sajjan. So once again, we had a birthday quartet playing host and a third joint-party on a Saturday, back-to-back.
These parties take a good deal of planning and advance preparations that usually escape our eyes. The hosts are the ones to be running round in circles and invariably, the best of arrangements tend to go awry, primarily because the food stuff has to be prepared fresh and delivered by 7:45 in the morning. What if there is a delay? Who would go to fetch the stuff? What if extra people turn up? What if fewer people turn up? What if it rains like mad?
Many of these issues would not arise if the party is held later in the day (better still, late in the evening). Yet significantly, never has a party in the Club turned into a disaster due to the many unforeseen circumstances. By some luck (maybe, divine intervention) things have somehow, always work out.
For instance, today, of all the days, Pawar had to wake up late. He was supposed to bring the eats from Jagruti (near Andheri Station) by auto-rickshaw at 7:30 a.m. and did not show up even at 7:20 a.m. His phone was switched off. We could see that with every passing minute, Ramila-ben and Kiran Sajjan were getting increasingly hyper (Hari-bhai was of course, cool as a cucumber) even as the exercises continued.
Eventually Arora-ji and Dilip Babani salvaged the situation. Without being told, they simply walked out and drove down at break-neck speed to Jagruti and even before we were through with the exercises, they were back with the food bags. No fuss, no ceremony. That’s real camaraderie at work – being there when you are needed.
We all had a great time and must wish Pawar, Ramila-ben, Hari-bhai and Kiran the very best and many, many years of happiness in life. We need to also thank Arora-ji and Dilip-bhai for ensuring that nothing went wrong and aaaal eeeez well!
In the pic (l to r): Sadanand Pawar, Hari Narayani, Kiran Sajjan and Ramila Mistry
Renu Babani says:
Yes, I totally agree, we do come to each other's aid whenever the situation arises. This is called unity where no words or explanations are required.
We are having too many parties and it looks like, as one lady in our group commented, other people in the Garden must be thinking, whether we come to the Garden for exercise or to eat? However, everyone likes to celebrate with family and friends. So we do make the most of it, which is great!
--Renu
Bhaswati Bose says:
Saturday's party was wonderful! The chocolate cake was too good. I thoroughly enjoy these parties at the Garden. These get-togethers are necessary to know and appreciate each other and build long-lasting friendships. How boring would it be if we only attend the sessions for the exercises and then go our separate ways. What better way to start your day!
--Bhaswati
Renu Babani says:
So true Mrs Bose! Considering we ended up with breakfast, who's complaining? These parties are the only way we are able to spend some time together. Otherwise, once the exercise routine is done, everyone rushes out knowing that the never-ending routine is awaiting us at home. I feel sometimes we don't appreciate how lucky we are to be in each other's company, and shouldn't take one another for granted!
--Renu

Friday, the Thirteenth

Normal day. Nothing scary – just some dark thoughts over the low turnout. Maybe, it is the weather. Maybe not. We began with only five. And then, slowly, more people trickled in. Better late than never!
We have three categories of people in our Club. The first are the regulars – people we usually meet every morning without fail, like Shekhawat, Arora, Naid Khan, Santosh, Monthi and so on. For them the Club is obviously a habit, a way of life. They are the ones who keep the flock together.
The second category are the birds of passage. One young girl, Seema (introduced by Naid Khan) who came for a few days and disappeared; a “dhoti-wala uncle" in transit from Kolkata; one struggling actor who had a role in Billoo Barber; a lady from Srinagar who gifted us batuas before leaving… We don’t even know their names because there never was any real connect with them. They are the types – here today, gone tomorrow.
In between, we have the flotsams and jetsam – members who are not too regular, but hold a heightened sense of loyalty and belongingness. As Motwani put it succintly, “Ek relationship ban jati hai.” They make for the bulk of membership – the life and soul of the Club. Most of them have been around for just two or three years.
Of late, a fourth category seems to have emerged – people who have been an integral part of the Club, but not any longer. Anita, the civil engineer and a founding member has apparently left the city. Tara Chand has to divide time between Delhi and Mumbai. Yusuf-bhai is not as regular as we would wish him to be. Pratap Bhatt is traveling all the time. So is Harish Wadhwa. Sitaram is torn between Kandivali and Oshiwara…
At one time they were all active members. Obviously, they have other compulsions now. The many demands life makes, domestic and otherwise, cannot be planned, nor wished away. We understand all that. Still, we wish we were all together and could share that one hour with them every morning.
Renu Babani said:
I shall be the first to admit to not being a regular. But after a while, I do feel the need to come in the mornings at times. It has got to be some attachment that makes me come. Hopefully, some day, I shall be a regular!
--Renu

Holy Month

The holy month of Ramzan begins today. Suddenly, the whole Garden looks deserted. Attendance in the Club is also depleted. All our Muslim friends, including Yusuf-bhai , Razia Khan, Nafisa Syed, Mumtaz Jahan, Zarina Khan and Khatoon Baig went missing. Only Naid Khan kept her appointment with the Club.
Now, this says a lot about the gritty woman. A fitness addict, she is known to subject herself to rigorous workout sessions before attending/conducting our exercises every morning. Thereafter, she sets out on a slow jog for another one hour – right round the outer roads of Lokhandwala, with or without company.

How many of us would be able to survive this regimen beyond a couple of days? Naid Khan does it every day without fail, come rain or sunshine, all twelve months of the year. These days, she’d be observing roja like any other devout Muslim. But she’ll not let the day-long fasting interrupt her training schedule. You can count on her to be present in the Garden, dot-on-time every morning, during the entire Ramzan month (and beyond). Such self-discipline is rare. It is awe-inspiring.
Yesterday, when a bald, bespectacled man came into the Chinese Hut with a carton full of biscuit packets, many of us thought he was up to some charity work ahead of Ramzan. We had been seeing him earlier, at times feeding crows outside the Garden gate. Arora even urged us to take the packets home as they were “well within the expiry date”. Nobody realized then that this wasn’t any freebie (and surely no charity). So all those caught holding packets had to pay up – some with borrowed money to save face!
This morning the salesman came with another carton of biscuits, only to meet with lukewarm response. Everyone had become wise. The same people who bought from him yesterday, began to question his presence today. A lady grumbled: “You are allowing the biscuit seller now, tomorrow somebody would sell bhaji-batata, then idli-dosa, even fish and chicken... The Garden will become a bazaar!”
Good fun, isn’t it?
Renu Babani says:
I do understand the dilemma some people faced when the biscuits were displayed. However, I enjoyed them for sure. So I guess it is fine. However, I am certain (or hope so) that no future vendors make their presence felt. Otherwise we shall definitely have a Food Bazaar at the Garden! Ramadan Kareem to all who abide by the faith during this Holy Month!
--Renu

Sartorial Tease

Shekhawat-ji unwittingly became the butt of some playful banter for his sartorial choice this morning. Departing from his T-shirt and shorts routine, he strode into the Garden dressed elegantly in formals – full-sleeved buttoned-up shirt tucked neatly into his trousers with leather belt and shoes to match – his cell phone cocked stylishly in his ears.
Naid Khan was the first to take a dig at him. “Sala main toh sahab ban gaya,” she remarked, drawing upon the Kishore Kumar ditty (for Dilip Kumar in Sagina) of the seventies. “Sahab ban ke kaisa tan gaya.”
“Yeh suit mera dekho, yeh boot mera dekho…” Kishor Babani joined in, pointing at the polished black boots Shekhawat was sporting.
This was not the first time Shekhawat had come suited-booted to the Club. Every time he has to go for his medical check-up (directly from the Garden) at the Military Hospital at Colaba, he comes formally attired. Today, everybody was in a playful mood and Shekhawat, being always sporting enough to take a joke upon himself, joined in the merrymaking.
Not everybody can be so broadminded. Some months back, a dark corpulent man invited himself to the Club, wearing a tight, faded pink T-shirt and dark blue track pants. Nothing wrong with that, except that the pants were worn at a level that made his obscene paunch balloon out. Every time he raised his arms (during the exercises), the black grizzly tummy would threaten to burst open, spilling its contents out. When we advised him to wear "loose, comfortable clothes", he took offence and stopped attending. He still comes to the Garden, but does not talk to any of us.
A similar incident occurred a few weeks earlier with a middle-aged lady determined to treat us to a wobble-wobble version of belly dance. Once again, it was a two-sizes-too-short T-shirt that was the villain of the piece. During the exercises, the men had to look away in embarrassment while the women glowered at her daggers drawn. Ultimately, it took one of them to wipe the smile off her face and put an end to the free navel show.
Some members (men, naturally) have since been moving heaven and earth, trying to track down that belly dancer – but to no avail (so far)!
Renu Babani says:
Kudos to Mr Shekhawat! That gentleman has taken the good and bad in his stride, but always comes out a winner. Very few people can laugh at themselves and accept whatever comes along with grace and style. No matter what we may say to one another, if ever there was an outsider to intervene and pass any comment of any sort, just watch all of us team up and make chatni out of that person. That person will not see the light of day and wonder what made him/her even try to open his/her mouth. This is unity which no one can understand. --Renu

Renu Babani says again:
Anyone wishing to post a comment on this blog, kindly click on the comments section which is at the end of each article. Then type your heart out on Leave your Comment. Scroll down, sign into your Google account and send it out.
It is fun to know what people think about each other. Rest assured this is done in good humour and meant no harm to anyone. Cheers! --Renu
Srichand Arora says:
Renu-ji, if you notice, the grass-cutting has also started since day-before and slowly the Garden is taking a better shape. Thanks to all of you for the action. --Arora
Renu Babani says:
Great to hear that the Garden will look beautiful once more. Power to the people! --Renu

Worst Is Over

As the Garden remains bathed in sunshine for the third consecutive morning, it looks like the worst is over on this year’s monsoon. Barring Yusuf-bhai, all the biggies are back in full strength – Arora, Shekhawat, Naid Khan, Sitaram, Rane, Santosh, Kishor, Geeta, Monthi, Mumtaz…
Razia Khan is also back (with Nafisa in tow) after a nasty attack of viral fever. She hasn’t recovered fully though and preferred to sit in a corner watching us exercise. Last night, when Bhaswati phoned to enquire about her well-being, she said she had been finding it hard to keep away from the Club for long.
Mrs Harbans Singh’s (left pic)health is also a cause of concern. She too has been down with viral fever for a long time and looked pretty pulled down when she showed up for last Saturday’s party. As Santosh-ji (rt pic: she having recovered recently) pointed out, the biggest fear in these times is the possibility of a relapse. We can only hope and pray that Mrs Singh takes good care of herself and recovers fast.
Oddly enough, Santosh-ji has developed a peculiar muscular pull in her right arm since yesterday, which gets in the way of her exercises. While she is able to raise her left arm effortlessly, the right one does not go up beyond an excruciating elbow bend – which can look quite funny at times. Even funnier is the unsolicited advice she is being proffered since yesterday from all and sundry, each insisting that s/he holds the ultimate cure for Santosh-ji, if only she cares to listen!
In between, there are complaints of shards of glass (from a broken tubelight) on the floor, hampering free movement of the ladies. Mumtaz summons a watchman to clear the mess. Arora assures that by tomorrow, the grass in the Garden will be trimmed and we would be able to exercise out in the open. Hari-bhai wants to join Ramila, Pawar and Kiran Sajjan for the party on August 14. Kishor jokes that he’d have to pay Rs 800 and pray that he gets a refund. And so life goes on…
Renu Babani says:
Considering the various diseases going around this time of the year, let's appreciate all that we have, most of all our good health. Hopefully, the Chinese Hut is a temporary abode for the Laughing Club, because nothing like exercising in the open ground.
--Renu
S.V.Arora says:
As all members of our club have signed a letter, complaining about the very poor maintenance of the Garden, the same has been submitted to our Celebration Club (who are responsible for the same) and they have assured to look into it urgently. Let us hope action is taken soon and make the walking track and Garden safe.
--Arora
Renu Babani says:
Yesterday evening I was at the Garden as usual and just saw some cleaners sweeping the pathway. However, no heed has been made to the tall grass which has become a breeding ground for varied insects.
--Renu

Bee In His Bonnet

Hari Narayani (in pic) completes 79 years on this planet. Arguably the oldest member of the Club, he turned up as usual this morning in his trademark safari suit, carrying the weight of his years lightly with a ramrod straight gait – just that he had, once again, a bone to pick. “You people have changed my sex on my birthday,” he alleged, waving some stapled sheets of paper.
Taken aback, we blinked at one another, only to realize that the papers he was waving happened to be the latest ‘membership list’ of the Club. “My name has been entered as Smt in this list,” he complained. “Do I look like a woman to any of you?”
Well, this is our Hari-bhai – always complaining, protesting, criticizing, grumbling, nitpicking, whining… At the same time, he is a man known for a terrific sense of humour with one-liners that would leave anybody in splits (should you ignore the expletives). His collection of lurid jokes would turn a foul-mouthed lorry driver pink in the face.
The issue of his name figuring in our 'membership list' had become a bee in his bonnet for quite some time. Nobody has ever denied him membership. And yet, he fell out with Shekhawat over this, believing that there is a sinister conspiracy to keep him out of the Club. Eventually, he had to apologise.
The good thing about all this is that Hari-bhai rarely takes a break these days. He says he comes to the Club for his own sake and not because he is afraid of losing his membership. Yet again, when he could not get a copy of the revised 'membership list’ last week, he raked up the conspiracy theory. Now that he has procured a zerox copy, he is convinced that we are conspiring to rob him of his masculinity!
Love him or hate him, you cannot ignore our Hari-bhai.
Renu Babani says:
At least he keeps everyone entertained, and makes it an enjoyable morning. By the away the previous post, Tian in Wonderland shows how much fun we can have!
--Renu

Tian in Wonderland

A bunch of exuberant adults who forgot to grow up. A tiny one-year-old brought in by Grandma to cut his birthday cake. A shy 20-something who has outshone everybody in the University. A monkey pops out of nowhere. A mild natured lady also celebrates her birthday. A crazy old man tries to outdo a middle-aged woman at stamping centipedes on the floor. Add to this a sumptuous spread of dhokla, jalebis, batata-wadas, phapra, gulab-jamuns… and what do you get?
A morning that comes but once in a lifetime!
Monthi’s grandson, Tian had to come face-to-face with this world of makebelieve in his very first year of life. Before he could cut his cake, he was plucked from his grandma’s arms and held aloft by the tallest of the tall, Yusuf-bhai, only to find himself sitting snug in Mrs Singh’s lap, then locking eyeballs with Shekhawat before cuddling up in Ramila-ben’s arms. Still, it would take Tian some years before he figures out why Kishor-bhai had addressed him as Michael initially.
For Dilip and Kajal Babani’s daughter, it was more of a fleeting visit. A wise girl, she came, she saw and she scrammed. She did not have to be told that a monkey had visited us minutes before, obviously wanting to join the Club as member. Neelam well understood this was no place for her and that her parents were better equipped to handle us. We must nevertheless wish her all success in life and many, many more laurels, both academically and professionally.
Ultimately, it was left to Mrs Kiran Arora to play hostess to what also happened to be her birthday party. Mr Arora and Dilip-bhai did all the running around, fetching fresh savory from Jagruti (near Andheri Station) while we simply sat back and ate. (Even eating can be an effort. So we carefully packed the stuff in polythene bags and carried it home triumphantly – breakfast taken care of!)
Hari-bhai’s parting shot to Tian was telling: “Jaldi bade ho jao beta, aur hamara Club join karo!”
In the picture: Yusuf-bhai with the ‘celebritys’ (clockwise from top): Dilip Babani, S.V.Arora, Kiran Arora, Kajal Babani, Neelam Babani and Monthi Serrao with Tian
Neelam Babani says:
Thank you so much for writing such nice words about me, though I am not quite sure if I deserve them all. But thank you. It was really nice spending those 10 minutes with all of you. Hope I continue to have all your blessings, now and always.
--Neelam

Short Takes

Now for a quick update on What’s Hot and What’s Not in the Club:
• Today is Ramila Mistry’s (in pic) birthday. She has broken her two-day maun vrat and is now in a position to acknowledge all your greetings and good wishes. She intends to celebrate on Saturday, August 14.
• Santosh Tyagi is back after more than a fortnight's absence. She had to rush to Delhi at short notice as her mother-in-law passed away – at the age of 89. Our condolences are with Santosh-ji and her family.
• The creepy-crawlies of the Garden had a field day as we stepped out of the Chinese Hut for our exercises this morning. The earthworms, caterpillars, centipedes, bugs and bumble ants hold a special fascination for stealing up the legs of female members, much to the consternation of the likes of Sunita, Monthi, Bhaswati and Kajal.
• Mrs Harbans Singh is still down with malarial fever. So is Razia Khan. She was last sighted on August 2, munching on a chicken tangdi at Arun Patil’s birthday party. We wish her and Mrs Singh speedy recovery.
• Hari Narayani has not yet forgiven Shekhawat for striking off his name from the Club membership. He insists that he had opted out for only a month (due to health reasons) but since Shekhawat has a “36 ka aankda” with him, he had been declared an absconder for more than three months!
• Arora (in pic) is terribly upset at the state of neglect the Garden is in. Since the onset of monsoon the grass has not been mown (making it a breeding ground of mosquitoes), the lights don’t come on at dark, security at the gate is lax and the lawn is littered with plastic, leftover food and excreta. He intends to make a meal of the Managing Committee for its lapses.
• Shekhawat announced a joint-party at the Club tomorrow -- hosted by Dilip and Kajal Babani to celebrate their daughter emerging a university topper (see earlier posts of July 28 and 29); Monthi Serrao for her grandson’s birthday; and Kiran Arora observing her own birthday.
There’s much more brewing. But all that can wait!

Grasshopper Story

It was a bright sunny morning when out of the blue, a little green grasshopper flipped into the Chinese Hut where we were exercising. It fell close to Mr Garg, dodged Arora-ji’s shoes, darted towards Shekhawat’s, waited for a while before skipping around Rane, suddenly changed course and played near Nahid Khan, then hopped towards Grover, stopped again, raced to where the ladies were, only to bounce back and after one huge leap, settled on a green mat lying folded on the ledge.
Bhaswati was the first to notice and shrieked. Following a momentary disruption in the exercises, it was decided to let it be. It sat motionless, blending well into the greenness of the mat. But it had already become a major distraction, the fear being that it could suddenly take flight and land square on someone’s face.
Interrupting the exercises again, Arora crossed over, peered at it closely and after a while declared, “Iska nasha abhi tak utra nahin.”
Nahid Khan corrected him: “Roothi hui hai!”
Instantly all eyes searched the floor and sure enough, at the far end of the floor, just beside Motwani’s feet, was its jodi. “Kya, jhagda hua in dono mein?” Arora asked.
“Nahin, bhai-behen hai,” Nahid Khan replied sternly.
That pretty much settled the matter, only that there was a crow, perched on a high beam, eyeing the little grasshopper. This was a diabolical drama of predator and prey being played out. The crow kept cawing and fluttering about, rapidly changing position. At one point, Geeta-ji shooed it away, but soon it returned to its original perch. If it were not for us getting in its way, the grasshopper would be history. Effectively, till the exercises lasted, we were depriving the crow of its breakfast.
Finally, our exercises ended with the jumbo laughter, followed by 108 claps. This sudden ruckus caught the crow by surprise and out of panic, it simply gave up and flew away. The grasshopper too upped and disappeared. Nobody saw what happened to its partner. What we found were its squished remains on the floor, the stains of which were traced to Motwani’s shoes.

Cat Among Pigeons

Sitaram Hivarkar (in pic) finally let the cat among the pigeons. For days he has been grumbling to himself about the Club atmosphere getting vitiated ever since members started hosting parties in hotels and homes. Of late, his grouse is that only those who contribute for the gifts, cash or otherwise, are allowed to attend these parties.
“Please try to understand that everybody cannot afford to contribute every time there is a party,” he said during his brief address after the Suryanamaskar session. “My suggestion therefore is to have your parties in the Garden itself if you want us to attend. It does not matter whether you celebrate with luddoos or pedas or anything. Let us stay within our means. This is my request. So please don’t mind.”
Shekhawat promptly threw up his hands and announced that the majority decision would prevail. Yusuf-bhai and others argued that nobody can prevent anybody from having a party at a place of his/her choice, be it in or out of the Garden. Besides, a contribution of Rs 100 per head for a gift is not a huge financial burden.
“How can you go to a party empty-handed, without a gift or at least a bouquet?” Dilip Babani wondered. He was stopped short by a counter-question: “Do you mean to say that Jo jaisa maal layega, usko waisa maal milega?”
The ladies, mostly on Sitaram’s side, had a different take. As one put it: “Today you are charging Rs 100, tomorrow you may want to give a more expensive gift. This will keep on increasing. And then, this is not a one-off thing. Every month, there are three or four birthdays, sometimes more. We cannot afford this”
A senior member quipped that we gift someone’s grandchild because the party is held outside the Garden and we don’t give anything to another member’s grandchild because she celebrates inside the Garden. “What kind of logic is this?”
Before the discussion could get any more acrimonious, the Babanis brought about a modicum of sanity by pointing out that it is at our own free-will we attend parties, avoid parties, host parties, don’t host parties… and no questions are asked. The same applies to parties inside the Garden and outside the Garden. In other words, the status quo prevails.
Much ado about nothing!

Event to Remember

Of the 17 from the Club who attended Arun Patil’s party last night, only two turned up today – Hari Narayani and Ved Prakash Grover. Later, midway through the exercises, Geeta Sandana walked in. All the rest – including Shekhawat, Yusuf-bhai, Kishor and Dilip Babani, Razia Khan, Mumtaz, Nafisa… could not make it. They were the prime casualties of what seems to have been the Baap Of All Birthday Bashes.
“You can’t blame them because they were all eating chicken-tangdi and kababs till late night,” explained Hari-bhai. “We were the ghaas-phoos people who left early.”
But who was interested in who ate what?
“Yes, they came,” Grover clarified. “What do you call them? Enikh?!?”
“Very beautiful,” Hari-bhai pointed out. “Kya kudrat ka kamal hai! Bahut entertainment hua…”
“We all enjoyed,” Geeta-ji joined in.
“Chhi-chhhi, how can you say that?” a lady interjected.
“Kya woh insaan nahin hai?” demanded Hari-bhai.
“Suchh-muchh, bahut khubsoorat thhe,” Grover said, nodding his head.
“Aur kuchh indecent bhi toh nahin hua,” affirmed Geeta-ji. “Sab ne enjoy kiya.”
That sums it up. Quite clearly the eunuchs were the star attraction, though to many, a culture shock. After all, how many of us have ever attended a birthday bash with hijras in attendance? In their presence, everything else pales into insignificance -- including issues of propriety and precedence anybody could have had. The bottomline is that everybody had a blast and this is what underscores the success of any party. Bringing in the eunuchs was a master stroke by Arun-bhai at ensuring that his birthday remains an event to remember.
Another enikh party, anybody?

Value for Money

Many members seem to be still nursing a hangover from Sushma Gupta's party last evening; which probably explains the large-scale absenteeism this morning. The Club has a special word for this malaise – “pakoria”. Derived from malaria (but not quite), it suggests indigestion caused by overeating party pakoras, especially during the monsoons. Nafisa (see pic) came running in late, saying that she could not sleep after the party as she had nightly visions of Shekhawat reprimanding her for doing a phunti!
Overeating at a party is a trait common to all ages. We want to make the most of what is served free, regardless of whether the stomach can take it or not. And if it happens to be a contributory party (as in the case last evening) we go berserk, anxious to derive maximum value for money. We punish ourselves and repent next morning. Yet, we never learn from the experience.
This evening we have another party coming up – and a heavy duty one at that, hosted by Arun Patil. Worse, many have contributed for the gift to gain admission. God alone can help them, should they again go all out for recovering their money’s worth. Rumours have it that Arun-bhai has budgeted for Rs 400 per guest, which should take care of alcohol also. Non-veg food is on the menu as well. There is also some talk (in hushed tones) of hijras being in attendance to entertain the guests -- such are the heightened expectations from the party. As mentioned in our last post, the evening should run into midnight.
It would be interesting to see how many members are able to survive this excess and be in a fit state to show up at the Garden tomorrow morning. Meanwhile, in our own humble way, let us wish Arun-bhai more prosperity, good health and every happiness in life.