Yeoman Service

Arun Patil conducts exercises under the benign gaze of late Sridevi Kapoor (in case you missed the billboard in the background)

It is exactly a week that Arun Patil got us all to pull our socks up and be in time for the exercises (ref post of February 21). Much as the move was instinctively resented by many, the effect was visible the very next day. Punctuality shot up magically as a majority of latecomers reported on time. More significantly, not a day has since passed when attendance has dropped below 20 during the exercises.
Today the very same Arun Patil, who had been reviled for his autocratic attitude, was applauded for rendering a “big service” to the Club. From a time when attendance was floundering at single digit, he has succeeded single-handedly in restoring our strength to an optimal level. “This only goes to prove that discipline matters,” quipped Nahid Siddiqui.

Siba Prasad Maitra (r) strikes a sobering note

Kajal Babani (l) celebrates with jelly lozenge

Yusuf Rassiwala agreed. “It feels nice to see so many members turn up and exercise together early morning,” he remarked.
Arun is no doubt flattered. Most likely, he had not expected in his wildest dreams that his diktat would go down well in the Club. But he wasn’t admitting it: “I knew very well that most people here are very obedient. See, how I have enforced the cap rule. It took me time, but today you will hardly find anyone without the Club cap on during the exercises.”
In all this, Siba Prasad Maitra had a word of advice for Arun: “The problem with you is your tongue. Whatever you are doing is fine, but you must learn to use gentle language. You can’t be using rough language. This is not a military school!”

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Arun Patil's harsh language may not be appreciated, but it has yielded results. Hope our members do not force him to use harsh words in future!

Bollywood Whodunit

Deep in discussion, unraveling the mystery 

Rumours swirling around Sridevi’s mysterious death in Dubai last Saturday hit us this morning.
Till yesterday, not a word was spoken about her in the Club, even as the actress used to be our neighbor in a sense – her residence being in the Green Acres apartment block, Lokhandwala, a few paces down the road. But now that her body is yet to be released by the UAE authorities (pending investigations) speculation has begun to mount as to the cause of her death.
“I can see Karun Sharma a little tired out and famished,” Bijoy Gupta remarked at the start of the exercises today. “He looks like he has not eaten in two days. Maybe he is on fast

Sridevi (file photo)

till Sridevi’s body arrives.”
The observation, made in jest, had its desired effect. The unspoken consensus though

A poster paying tribute to Sridevi has come up
in the traffic island close to the Garden

was not to speak ill of the deceased and let investigations in Dubai take its course. Everyone agreed Sridevi had led a glorious life and now that she is no more, there is nothing we can do to get her back.
“Better to leave her alone,” Nahid Khan said. "Let her soul rest in peace."
However, on the limited point of ‘cause of death’, everyone had a pet theory to propound, based on hearsay and media reports. The general feeling was that the UAE authorities must have detected some foul play to withhold the release of her body.
Only Arun Patil found it perfectly normal for a person (with no history of a heart condition) to fall into a one-and-half feet deep bath tub and drown to death. “Sridevi never took alcohol,” he insisted.
A spooky twist was added to this whodunit with the suggestion that the culprit could well be an “Arab ghost”.
Banoo Apa recalled her encounter with one such entity who appeared as a frail old man while she was holidaying in Jumeirah Beach in Dubai. When told that Sridevi died in the ultra-luxury Jumeirah Beach Hotel nearby, Banoo Apa was left in no doubt as to who the cops should seriously get after.
Maybe we can get some clarity from Lt Col Angad Singh, who is currently in Dubai and having a ringside view of how the mystery unfolds.

Veena Walia:
Hello friends, I am a visitor here and had joined you all a few days back. I am very happy to see and find such a group. I already feel a part of you all. Keep laughing and keep up the good work. God bless.

Scrapped

Bijoy Gupta vents his displeasure on having to shelve his
scripts (he is holding) planned for the Holi festivities 

What we had dreaded came true today. Bijoy Gupta failed to elicit any support from the Club for the skits he had lined up (ref post of February 24) for the Holi celebrations this week-end.
Even those who paid him lip service and looked interested till Saturday cold shouldered him this morning. Out of utter disappointment and disgust, Gupta withdrew his scripts today.
“What else can I do?” he complained, having obviously taken it all to heart. “I cannot force people to act in my play if they don’t want to. But they shouldn’t have led me on like this. I have slogged hard on these scripts. I admire those who had initially told me on my face that they were not interested and will not act. But after assuring me of all support if someone backs out at the last moment, what can I say?”
An emotional man --like any other creative person -- Gupta sees this as a personal affront – more so, after all the acclaim and success he had garnered for the plays staged on the Annual Function (ref post of January 20).
He however, conceded that having to stage another set of plays for Holi is a bit “too much too soon” for members of the Club:

Mumtaz Jahan (r) mobilises the Club for a trip to Kashmir in May

“I have to agree that everybody had worked very hard for the Annual Function. It is no joke rehearsing morning and evening, leaving everything at home and coming dutifully to the Garden at 4:30 pm every day, even on Sundays… It would be unfair to expect the same level of dedication and commitment from everyone all over again for Holi. I would rather reserve these plays for an opportune time, perhaps later in the year. I don't think they would get dated.”
Then as an afterthought, he came up with a novel idea. “Why don’t we combine our Annual Day function with the Holi celebrations in future?" he suggested, eyes shining with excitement. "Next year, let us celebrate the Club’s Annual Day on Holi itself. The Mahamoorkh Sammelan can also be included. In that way, we shall be able to economise on the organizing costs and also be assured of an even bigger audience turnout. It is like killing several birds with one stone!”

Bihari Milwani:
Gupta-ji, next time you should appoint Mr Shekhawat as your media manager. Rest assured, he will gather many moorkhs for your show. In the worst situation, he will bring saalis from his village to act in your play.

Karun Sharma:
It seems wrong to blame a person for his lack of interest. Success of these projects are largely dependent on trust, response and motivation. If a person does not receive even one return call after the two/three calls he made on Saturday and Sunday, or if he is not given a script copy, he clearly may not be considered disinterested or unreliable. Rightly said we are targeting too much in too less time and unless one respects the time schedule of professionally active persons, it may not succeed.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
We started Mahamoorkh Sammelan last year along with the Holi celebration. This year the only difference would have been that the celebrations were intended to be on a larger scale. It is disheartening to have dropped the idea itself.

Karun Sharma adds:
Angad Sir, there would be fun on this Holi too.

DAY 2483

Pic of the Week

ADULTS NEED TO BE SPOON-FED TOO

"Okay, that's all you get... Now stop crying!" --Bhaswati Bose

"Eh, don't feel bad... You have just won the Lollipop Race!" --Angad Singh

What are you doing, Yusuf-bhai? Arun-bhai is on hunger strike in protest against the late-comers. --Anonymous

Full sympathy for Arun-bhai. This was a gesture of love and affection intended to break his hunger strike. --Yusuf Rassiwala

Missionary Zeal

Bijoy Gupta persists with the scripts of his Holi programme

Bijoy Gupta is in a major fix. Should he proceed with the three skits he has so painstakingly scripted for our Holi celebration on March 2? If so, where are the actors? Or should he abandon the idea entirely?
Unlike the plays he had scripted for the Annual Function last month (ref post of January 20), the

Karun Sharma today brought
his grandson, Vivaan along  

skits he has in mind now has sadly failed to generate much interest in the Club. The only support Gupta enjoys today is from Karun Sharma who has gamely agreed to play the part assigned to him. Nobody else is coming forward.
Yet Gupta is determined to pursue the three scripts to their logical end. With single-minded missionary zeal, he narrated the dialogues before a select audience today and even discussed how he would like to stage them including the publicity backup required.
Yusuf Rassiwala gave him a patient hearing, but is worried about Gupta’s efforts going waste. At the same time he is wary that Gupta could end up feeling discouraged and lose interest in future. “There is no doubt the scripts are brilliant… but before proceeding any further, please check how many members are willing to act in them,” Yusuf R cautioned.
One reason for the cold response is the fatigue factor. Holi is upon us much too soon after the Annual Function for which preparations/ rehearsals went on for months in advance. Not only is everybody exhausted and reluctant to repeat the exercise, there is not even enough time to do so. They would rather revel in the afterglow of their last performance.
Still, Gupta is pushing hard purely on the strength of his scripts. In one, he has scamsters Nirav Modi, Vijay Mallya and Lalit Modi exchanging notes from their overseas hideouts on phone. In another, he has a country bumpkin day-dreaming about playing Holi with a beautiful girl while in the third, he intends to re-enact the rang barse scene from Silsila with a Big Laaf twist.
It would be a pity if nothing comes of such a potential laugh riot.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
No doubt preparations for the Holi festival are slightly late. But where there's a will there's a way. Certainly our well-accomplished actors will come forward and perform with enthusiasm. It is worth the effort. Everyone should rise to the occasion and do the needful.

Fruity Bash

Members felicitate KARUN SHARMA (in striped t-shirt) on his birthday

Karun Sharma receives birthday calendar from son Madhur

Big Laaf today broke convention, thanks to Karun Sharma. Instead of a calorie overload of stale sweets, salties and fries, he celebrated his birthday with a wholesome assortment of freshly-cut fruits. The closest anyone had got to this was Ram Shankar Shukla when he rejoiced at finding his lost umbrella by treating us all to a banana each. That was almost 10 years ago.
Karun also kept it simple: a glass of watermelon juice to go with a salad mix of sliced pineapple, grapes, muskmelon

Happy Birthday, Karun

chunks, cut apple and more. Mercifully no cake, no laddoo, no bhajiya… no toxic rubbish.
In another notable departure from convention, Karun was presented with his birthday calendar NOT by a member of the Club, but by his son, Madhur. In fact, it was this young man's idea to organise a ‘fruity bash’ for his dad, who has otherwise been hard-pressed for time, having returned from Delhi last night.
“I had scoured all the fruit vendors in Lokhandwala within a radius of two kilometres,” narrated Madhur.

Scramble over a fruit dish

“Nobody could give me good quality fresh fruits like the one who supplied me this lot. This is the best that can be sourced in this part of town.”
However, in typical Big Laaf style, a dispute broke out over whether the red drink in the glass was actually watermelon juice or a carrot extract. Kajal Babani found no problem in accepting it was watermelon, but Arun Patil swore by carrot juice and to Kiran Prakash, it made no difference either way. Some even insisted the juice was “adulterated” (when they meant "diluted").
As it turned out, this was all a ruse for demanding an additional glass "to taste" without making it obvious. And Karun did not disappoint. He had enough extra glasses (as well as salad packages) to go by, such that many were offered double-double servings to take home and stock their fridges with.
The biggest takeaway though was that it is very much possible to partake in a perfectly healthy and nutritious birthday bash and still have a blast. Madhur Sharma showed us how.

Banoo Apa (l) waxes lyrical

A bite from birthday boy

Madhur is tickled pink

Siba Prasad Maitra:
Happy Birthday, Karun-bhai. Excellent treat with a difference. It was really a fruitful day. God bless.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Happy Birthday Karun-bhai. It is a good and healthy change in birthday celebrations. Hope this change is liked by other members also and in future, we get fruits and fruitful drinks. Fruits are certainly healthy and a nourishing diet. I wish Karun Sharma a healthy, enjoyable and happy long life.

Untold Story

Arun Patil narrates his tale of woe

Now his story can be told. The Mahindra Scorpio Arun Patil had given the Club free use of, is no longer available to us. After nearly a decade of ferrying members to and from the Garden every morning and running countless errands in emergency situations, the red SUV has been disposed of. In its place, Arun has purchased a scooter for himself.
The car was sold in extraordinary circumstances. As regular readers of this blog know, Arun is an amputee, having lost his right leg to diabetic ulcer. Yet, he continued driving the car and would park it at night on a busy road, a little away from his residential complex.

Veena Walia: a guest member
from Panchkula visiting Mumbai

The building does not have a parking lot of its own.
Vehicles of other residents used to be also parked on the same stretch, along with assorted tempos and trucks. Yet, the cops took a special ‘liking’ towards Arun’s vehicle. Arun’s biggest blunder was to have greased their palms, hoping they would look the other way.

Yusuf Rassiwala reads out Karun Sharma's birthday
invite for tomorrow

But their demands only increased over time and even after being generously bribed, the cops challaned him a couple of times.
Arun could have chosen another spot to park his car, but that would entail walking some distance which could be risky (especially in the dark), given his physical condition. The cops knew that. Unamenable to reason, their harassment increased till one day, Arun lost his head. He was served with an e-challan of Rs6000 and told to pay up under threat of his car getting impounded.
“That very day I decided to get rid of the car,” he narrated this morning. “I sold it to the first available buyer and put an end to my misery. It was a distress sale and what I got was peanuts. But it was enough for me to pick up a brand new scooter.”
Arun is getting it fitted with two extra wheels in the rear – the kind we see the disabled moving around with. What stands out though is that here is a man who had to sell his car in order to buy peace from a bunch of corrupt cops.

Bihari Milwani:
Now that the car is sold, Arun should utilise his contacts in the film industry and make a short video on his harassment and upload it on social media.

Karun Sharma:
* It must be very distressful for Arun to sell his car in such conditions. I wish the scooter helps him maintain his mobility. But he should first consult a doctor before riding the scooter. Maintaining balance may exert undue pressure on his legs.
* Thanks Kiran-ji and Yusuf-bhai for communicating my invite. I am looking forward to meet all friends. I was born on 22nd night at Delhi and today, I am here in Delhi again. The help of our daily blog is huge and we all realize it. Thanks, Blog Monster!

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
The distress sale of his SUV by Arun Patil shows the extent of meanness to which we have degraded ourselves in this materialistic world. We have lost the values of life. May God help us. Arun Patil ought to consult a doctor before driving a scooter because of his disability and age-related constraints.

Punctuality Overdrive

Arun Patil impresses upon the need to be punctual for the exercises

Arun Patil today went on an overdrive to enforce discipline in the Club and pulled up every person, one by one, who turned up late for the exercises. He urged them to be punctual from tomorrow and warned that such errant behavior will not be tolerated in future.
Responses ranged from apologetic noises (“I overslept today”) to downright defiance (“I am not a 7’o clock person!”) with a majority conceding that being punctual “is for one’s own good”. As Nahid Siddiqui put it: “It is in our interest that we should be here on time. But what to do, when I cannot wake up to the ring of the alarm?”
In a Club where punctuality is observed mostly in the breach, Arun Patil’s initiative today was long overdue. It started with Nahid Khan remarking casually before the exercises that our daily turnout was on the decline and that discipline had gone to the dogs.
The issue snowballed into the need to enforce punctuality and starting with Bhaswati Bose, every latecomer was upbraided by turn. At one point Yusuf Rassiwala tried to diffuse the situation but kept his counsel

Bijoy Gupta narrates the script of two skits he has prepared for Holi 

upon realizing that the habitual late comers were setting a wrong example and had vitiated the atmosphere in the Club.
Indeed, people like Bijoy Gupta, Qadeer Banu, Khatoon Baig and several others known to be sticklers for time (even coming early on days) have started showing up 10 to 15 minutes late. In fact, both Qadeer and Khatoon objected to being unfairly singled out and challenged Arun to likewise pull up those who’d be coming later. Only Gupta was man enough to admit his lapse and promised to make amends.
But in the end, everybody understands that this is all an exercise in futility. Even Arun realizes that there is nothing he can do if the compulsive late lateefs continue to cock a snook at him. “The biggest tragedy is that everyone here feels that the Club cannot survive without them,” he admitted. "They know very well we will succumb once they threaten to quit." Tara Chand Seth echoed the fear thus: “What will you do when people start leaving the Club one by one?”
So long as this fear persists, nothing will ever come of any disciplinary action.

Bihari Milwani:
Arun should announce that those who come in time will be given Cadbury chocolates. I am sure everyone will become punctual thereafter.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Early birds should be given prizes. Maybe, this will bring about punctuality. All the same, the late-comers are definitely losers. They miss the precious morning oxygen in the air and suffer when they inhale pollutants from the increase in vehicular traffic.

Happy Send-off

It's a beautiful day...

Shekhawat waves good-bye

It was a beautiful day with over 20 members turning up to give Shekhawat a warm send-off this morning. He leaves by the evening train for his native village in Rajasthan and is expected to return on March 19 after celebrating Holi with his childhood friends.
“I am taking 26 days outstation leave plus four days TT,” he announced after the exercises. On being asked what TT stood for, he replied officiously: “Don’t you know, it means Travel Time?

Arun Patil (seated) hosts tea party

It takes me two days to reach my village by train and another two days to return…”
The irony of today’s send-off did not go unnoticed. Shekhawat’s favorite bugbear, Arun Patil was to throw a tea party with cake slices – in a sense, to mark the occasion. Minutes earlier, the two had got into a scrap with Arun instructing Shekhawat to shut up and stop disturbing others during the exercises. Shekhawat, in turn, accused Arun of losing his marbles and directed him to get admitted in a loony asylum!
But that’s all old hat. Everybody knows how the two, given the slightest opportunity, would rush at each other’s throats. Yet, when Arun was away on a film shoot recently (ref post of February 8) Shekhawat was the one to miss him most and used to inquire about his welfare daily. He had lovingly even coined a funny name, 'Tokam Toki' for Arun Patil.
Now it would be Arun’s turn to miss Shekhawat.
Dilip Babani:
Have a nice trip, Shekhawat-ji. Today Arun's tea was the best with nice cake. Thank you, Arun-ji.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
It is good that Shekhawat-ji has taken time out to meet his childhood friends. Let him feel relaxed and be away from the hustle and bustle of the city life.

Sheer Genius

Bijoy Gupta holds his audience spellbound

It takes nothing but a stroke of genius to come up with an impromptu parody on the manner India’s most wanted scamsters -- Nirav Modi, Vijay Mallya and Lalit Modi – would celebrate Holi on March 2 this year.
Only a gifted funster like Bijoy Gupta could get such an insane brain wave and create an unlikely but believable scenario of the trio connecting long-distance over phone from their respective hideouts. Their conversation would run on the following lines:
Vijay Mallya (from a London suburb): “I have thoroughly cleared and scrubbed my swimming pool clean for Holi. My Kingfisher girls will be here.

Suresh Samel dropped by today

Why don’t you guys also join in? We’ll have a blast!"
Nirav Modi (from New York): “Hey, why don’t you two join me instead at my penthouse? This is my first Holi here. I want it to be memorable for my buddies. Surely you know where to find me.”
Lalit Modi (from Switzerland): “Welcome to the club, Nirav Bhai. Be my guest on Holi. Rest assured, nobody can lay a little finger on you when you are here. Ask VJ, he’ll tell you. Together we can make a formidable trinity. What say? Ha-ha-ha!!!"
How the conversation develops from here on can well be imagined but it was Gupta’s narration skills this morning that had us in splits no end. And he was not stopping there. He had another skit up his sleeve bragging (with a friend, presumably Kiran Prakash) over a “mystery beauty” in the Garden applying colour to him Holi day.
“It will be a laugh-a-minute studded with countless punch lines,” Gupta promised. “I can well stretch it to 20 minutes if you want. As for the ladies, I will work on another script. Let me apply my mind. We will perform all these skits on Holi-eve, as part of the Maha Moorkh Sammelan.”
Banoo Apa had one request though: “Let us not cross the line of decency.”

Bihari Milwani:
Please note, Shekhawat-ji will be disappearing from tomorrow for a month.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
What a strange sangam: the Great Scamsters' Club meets the Big Laaf Club to produce one 'Mahamoorkh'! This is the result of the ingenuity of Mr Bijoy Gupta's fertile brain. Hurrah! Be happy and enjoy the experience. But please be sure, do not cross the Lakshman Rekha.

DAY 2476

Pic of the Week

LOST AND FOUND: THE TWINS MEET...
But what is that bottle doing up there?

Did the TWAIN also meet? --Angad Singh

Karun Sharma is searching for his water bottle. --Bihari Milwani

Karun Sharma has put on a new cap with the logo BIG LAAAAAAF to announce the forthcoming event, called MAHAMOORKH! --Anonymous

Weekend Scrum

Shekhawat announces his travel plans

Funny, how a little let-up in the cold, wintry conditions early morning could lead to a peaking in attendance for the exercises. Or maybe, because it was a week-end that we saw an unusual scrum in the Garden today. And to imagine there was not even a party announced to draw in the crowds!
Taking advantage of the numbers, Bijoy Gupta got started yet again on holding the Mahamurkh Sammelan (ref post of February 15) on the eve of Holi. For some reason, he is intent upon making stars out of Big Laaf members and believes that having the event early morning after

Bhaswati Bose

the exercises (as it was last year) would rob us of some fan following.
“We should have it in the evening and that too, in the China Hut,” Gupta insisted. “That is when the Garden would be buzzing with people and we can expect a full house.

Bijoy Gupta compliments Banoo Apa

Many of my friends had missed the show last year because it was held early morning and they are still cursing me. They feel cheated.”
To illustrate his point, he said that a major reason for the Annual Function (ref post of January 20) to be a success was that we had an audience for it. “Banoo Apa is no small star today,” he said. “I keep meeting folks who cannot stop raving about Banoo Apa’s dance performance. This is because the function was held in the evening when maximum numbers visit the Garden.”
Shekhawat interjected to say he would miss celebrating Holi with us this year and that he cannot be a part of the Mahamurkh Sammelan: “I am leaving for my village (in Rajasthan) next week on 20th evening and will be back after one month, on 21st March. I have some unfinished business to attend there.”
Significantly, during this period, a group headed by Bhaswati Bose would have toured north-east India covering Guwahati, Shillong, Cherapunji, Dawki, Mawlynong, Kaziranga, etc. Comprising Kiran Prakash, Naseem Khan and Zarina Khan among others, the week-long tour would be back in Mumbai on March 16.

Karun Sharma:
We all must guard against slipping into a comfort zone. Let us push ourselves a little more and to enjoy life at Big Laaf. See you all on March 23 (my birthday) with renewed enthusiasm.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
The North East is a wonderful part of the country to visit. The people there have their own culture, customs and costumes. They are innocent, easy going and very talented. I wonder whether (with the change of climate and global warming) Cherapunji still holds the record of wettest place of the world.

Non Starter

Shooting the breeze post-exercise

Our endeavor to hold screenings of rare archival material on classical Indian music and dance (ref post of February 10) has hit a roadblock for the oddest of reasons: absence of a projection screen. Unless we get hold of a screen, we might as well abandon the idea.
Films Division, the government-run organization that is allowing us free access to its films, informed yesterday that while it is willing to provide all logistical and technical support for the screenings in our China Hut, the onus of rigging up a projection screen would rest upon us.
“We will give you whatever films you want. Our staff will be present to ensure the screenings go without a hitch. We would even give you our latest Blu Ray projector. But we cannot let you borrow the screen,” a senior officer stated.
While Yusuf Rassiwala suggested we check the rentals for a projector screen, Arun Patil felt that we should rather go for an outright purchase "because it will come to use in the long run". Dilip Babani said that we could perhaps check around with friends in the locality who have such a screen at home and would not mind lending it to us once a month.
It is only after firming up on the screen would we be able to go ahead with placing our requisition for the films. At the moment we are looking some time in mid-March for our first screening.

Karun Sharma:
Today we had a good discussion on the Law of Attraction. I have been practicing it for long and am happy to state that this works very well, like the laws of gravity. Important thing is to align your vibration with that of the universe.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
The screening of old films is a good idea. We may try getting a screen from some good samaritan, failing which we could purchase it should funds allow so.

Next Big Event

Bijoy Gupta (l) puts forth his plans for Holi

Arun Patil (l) narrates his experience on the film sets

Now that we are done and dusted with Valentine’s Day, attention has shifted to the next big calendar event -- Holi on March 2. Bijoy Gupta today brought up the idea of the Mahamurkh Sammelan (Fool’s Conclave) and urged Karun Sharma to partner with him in organizing the event on the eve of Holi.
“We don’t have much time,” Gupta reminded Sharma. “Why don’t you start jotting down points on how to go about it and I too will do the same. We will then compare our notes and jointly work out a detailed programme. Let us make this much more entertaining than it was last year. We have less than a fortnight to go.”
Gupta came up with another suggestion. Instead of organising the sammelan early morning (as it was last year), why not have it in the evening? “That way we can be assured of a far larger audience,” he pointed out. “Otherwise everything gets restricted within ourselves and that is hardly any fun. We need a gallery to play up to.”
At the event last Holi (ref post of March 11, 2017) Gupta had won hands down in the face of stiff competition from Yusuf Rassiwala, Siba Prasad Maitra, Kiran Prakash and Dilip Babani and was duly garlanded with much ceremony by Santosh Tyagi. It was a memorable moment. This year Gupta will have to defend his title as the “biggest fool” (or mahamurkh) of the Club.
Incidentally, Arun Patil showed up this morning after doing the disappearing act for about a fortnight. He had been busy "sharing his expertise" (as a special effects technician) with the crew of Thugs of Hindostan, starring Amitabh Bachchan, Aamir Khan and Katrina Kaif (ref post of February 8).
The shoot is almost through at Film City, Mumbai and the unit, according to Arun, would soon be moving to Mehrangarh Fort in Jodhpur for its next schedule.

Karun Sharma:
Yes, nobody can match Gupta-ji for his humor. But I personally feel that we should ask an outsider to judge our competition. This is an occasion to demonstrate who can act in the most foolish way. It would be real fun.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Holi is a festival enjoyed by all. If more people can partake in the Mahamoorkh Sammelan, it will give additional fillip to the festival. Think about it and do celebrate!

Valentine’s Day 2018

Shekhawat says it with a bouquet of roses

Whatever Shekhawat had been cooking for Valentine’s Day (ref previous two posts) today came to a naught because it happened to be Mumtaz Jahan’s birthday as well.

Mumtaz Jahan receives birthday calendar

At the outset, she declared she would not be celebrating as she was still in mourning. It is not even a year since the demise of her mother.
“This is my first birthday without her,” she said while distributing chocolate perks to everyone

Banoo Apa's special treats

in the Garden.
Nevertheless, we raised the customary fourth laugh for her and sang the birthday song, as per Big Laaf tradition. Zarina Khan presented Mumtaz her birthday calendar on behalf of the Club. And Banoo Apa came loaded with special biscuits from Pune and bhujiya to go along…
If these were not enough, Rukhsana Khan produced a box of pedas to celebrate her newfound status as a grandmother. Her daughter has just been blessed with a baby girl.

Rukhsana Khan celebrates her grand-motherhood

Mother and child are doing fine, Rukhsana confirmed.
Taking advantage of the celebratory mood, Shekhawat

Zarina Khan distributes choco perks

made bold to present Mumtaz Jahan with a red rose bouquet without actually spelling out what it was meant to be. Till then, he looked a bit unsettled as he had been warned that Mumtaz’s father would also be coming. It turned out to be a false alarm as the gentleman would actually be landing in Mumbai today (from Jammu) and not at the Garden. Still, Shekhawat did not risk taking any chances and kept his Valentine wishes to himself.
Hugely amused by this absurd turn of events was Shekhawat’s good friend, Bijoy Gupta.

Karun Sharma:
Yesterday, it was all fun ahead of Valentine's Day. Today, we witnessed a somber celebration with few Valentine greetings exchanged. Our preparation for the 'exam' was not enough. Kadak Singh was the only brave man to wish his Valentine.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Happy birthday to Mumtaz. I wish her a happy and healthy long life. February 14 is remembered because of Valentine Day. But we forget another event. It was on this day in 1931 that Bhagat Singh, Raj Guru and Sukhdev attained martyrdom. Hardly anybody remembers this.

Unseasonal

Plotting a storm in the teacup

We are in the grip of a bizarre cold wave stemming from unseasonal rains and hailstorm ravaging large parts around Mumbai. However, attendance for the exercises was not as bad as yesterday’s (see post). Elsewhere, the Garden wore a deserted look. In Shekhawat’s words, “The cold has consumed everybody (Thand ne pee lee sabko…)!”
But this did not deter him or his comrade in arms, Bijoy Gupta from playing the fool with each other. For once, Valentine’s Day holds a lot of promise for both of them though it is not clear what mischief they would be up to tomorrow. Tara Chand Seth suggested that Shekhawat better rehearse his act with a red rose today itself while Karun Sharma wanted a ‘dry run’ of what the duo has lined up. Both however, chose to reserve their best till tomorrow.
One thing has become eminently clear though. Some of us are in constant need of an adrenalin rush to justify our presence in the Garden. So even when there is no reason to be on a high, we invent an excuse. Till last month, it was the Annual Function. Thereafter, we got all worked up on a picnic (that eventually did not happen). Now it is Valentine’s Day… Holi's next. Keep smiling.

Karun Sharma:
We are already missing our Angad Singh who had been 'arrested' for his pappi pappi role in the Annual Function drama. For Valentine's Day tomorrow, people are eager to bring rose roz if they get a rose return gift roz.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Big Laaf does not need an excuse to be happy. The members are naturally happy and proud of being in this unique Club. Keep enjoying.

Matter of Concern

Shekhawat (r) tries to kiss Gupta

A killer hailstorm followed by heavy rain and lightning in Pune and thereabouts brought morning temperatures dipping sharply in Mumbai. Consequently attendance was reduced to barely half a dozen for the best part of the exercises today. Even the compulsive latecomers did not turn up till the end.
This became a matter of serious concern for Bijoy Gupta. For the past few days he had been bemoaning the absence of some key members who used to be regulars till the recently.
“It is high time we induct fresh blood,” he urged this morning.

Karun Sharma

“No point counting on the oldies. Age is fast catching up with all of us. We need to bring in some relatively young people to keep this Club running.”
Gupta had something else also up his sleeve. He announced that on Valentine's Day the day-after-tomorrow “everybody will be free to kiss anybody from 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. regardless of the person being male or female".
Turning to Shekhawat, he said with authority: “You may publicly kiss any man or woman of your choice, but each kiss must not exceed three minutes. You are given this privilege only for one day, on February 14. Nobody can stop you from kissing anybody you like on that day.”
This was music to Shekhawat’s ears. He promptly pounced upon Gupta and tried to plant a wet kiss on his left cheek only to be rebuffed squarely. “There is another condition also,” Gupta continued. “You need to be completely clean shaven on that day to be part of this kissing ceremony. I have already told Karun Sharma to shave off his beard and all men here, please get rid of your moustaches!”
Who knows whether Shekhawat has taken him seriously. We will know on the 14th of February -- if Shekhawat comes with or without his moustache.

Karun Sharma:
* Excellent connection of Valentine's Day with Big Laaf. The issue of shaving my beard is on for the last 22 years. Only courageous persons shall be able to kiss me.
* The idea to attract more members is excellent. BUT we must go about it in an efficient and effective way. Valentine's Day and Holi are approaching. We should make the most of such festive occasions.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
It will be inappropriate to ignore our elderly colleagues who are unable to adhere to our timings. In fact, it is our bounden duty to inquire about their well-being. They should feel being part of the Club so long as they are around. Ours is a small social institution and we ought to keep a tag on all members. All the same, the young generation is welcome to join so that hum chalte gaye aur kafla barhta gaya.

DAY 2469

Pic of the Week

NEED ANYTHING BE SAID? 

Is this love at first sight? --Angad Singh

New member admitted to the club with great honour --Yusuf Rassiwala

'Yusuf bhai ki achchi trah se rakhwali karo Tommy, nahi tho khana nahi milega!' --Dilip Babani

Dog is asking Yusuf bhai: “Where is your neighbor, the yoga teacher Geeta?" --Bihari Milwani

The President's personal bodyguard? --Bhaswati Bose

Looking handsome, Romeo 😘🤠👌!--Geeta Latte

We may dispense with discipline today. Our dear dog also feels the same. --Karun Sharma

For Culture Vultures...

Happy Birthday, Santosh-ji

First things first: It was Santosh Tyagi’s birthday today. But we could not celebrate it as she did not turn up in the morning. We were informed that “she wasn’t in the mood to celebrate” and that was perfectly understandable. Her son, Manoj has just been discharged from hospital after being confined for jaundice and according to Santosh, he is “still very weak”.

Get well soon Manoj Tyagi

He needs her attention more than anything else. The birthday celebrations can wait.
We had brought Santosh’s birthday calendar (just in case she showed up) but Bihari Milwani stole a march on us. He came up with his signature handcrafted memento for Banoo Apa to mark her wedding anniversary last Monday (when she was away at Lucknow). Belated as the gift was, it stood out for Bihari’s efforts in conveying his feelings in flowery Urdu script. Fittingly, Banoo Apa reciprocated on the spot in chaste Urdu!
And now for the main development of the day: For the benefit of the culturally inclined, the Club is planning a series of rare, never-seen-before biographical documentaries in the China Hut on yesteryear musical maestros (both vocal and instrumental) and classical dancers.

Bihari Milwani gifts Banoo Apa a desk-top memento

The screenings, initially on a monthly basis (depending on response) would be free of charge and shall feature the likes of Ustad Bismillah Khan, Pandit Ravi Shankar, Birju Maharaj, Sitara Devi… down to Naushad Ali, Khayyam and Mohammad Rafi. For this, Big Laaf has secured access to the government’s film archives which shall also provide logistic and technical support for projection at no cost.
After detailed discussions this morning, it was decided that a programme of this nature would require extensive planning in order to generate the necessary interest and hype. “Rather than rush into it, let us spread the word because this is something unique and a feather in our cap,” opined Yusuf Rassiwala. "We may start next month."
Kiran Prakash felt that before screening films on classical icons like Bade Ghulam Ali and Ravi Shankar, we should ideally feature stalwarts like Mohammad Rafi who are closer to us in time and more popular with present-day audiences. Banoo Apa suggested that since the films are mostly of 30 to 40 minutes duration, we might as well mix and match singers with dancers in a screening programme lasting roughly two-and-half hours.
Anybody with any other suggestion, do write in.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
* A mother's blessings are the best cure for the son. She is the pivot around which the whole family revolves as she wishes everyone well. God bless Santosh-ji.
* Bihari Milwani deserves to be applauded for keeping in store important data of all the members and bringing it out at an appropriate time. Three cheers to him!

Picnic Burial

Shekhawat returns the picnic money he had collected

With one day to go, the picnic idea (ref post of February 2) was finally given a formal burial this morning. Shekhawat returned the moneys he had collected from Karun Sharma, Zarina Khan and the Gupta couple saying that “we might as well forget any picnic from the Club in future”.
If one person looked disappointed by this development, it was Bijoy Gupta. “I thought the picnic was meant to celebrate the success of our Annual Function,” he remarked. “I still feel we should go. We deserve a picnic.”
Several suggestions came up on the spot as a viable alternative. Dilip Babani proposed a day out at Juhu Beach as we had done a couple of times in the past.

Mysterious poster at the Garden
gate that is self explanatory

Somehow, Gupta was not impressed and in the absence of enthusiasm from anybody around, the idea became a non-starter.
Another spot idea

Banoo Apa hosts tea party early morning

that came up (but not without some mischief) was to pile on unannounced at Arun Patil’s film set and on the pretext of watching the shoot (ref yesterday’s post) spend a full day in Film City.
Everybody agreed that it was one of the few beautiful picnic spots in Mumbai that remains largely unexplored. “But first get us the permission and then we will go,” Shekhawat said dismissively.
There was a third proposal yet. Why not go to the Borivli National Park and as we had done earlier, have our Sports Day there? For various events like tug of war, spoon race, musical chair, etc. we may even hand out trophies to the winners as take-home mementos.
The suggestion appealed to Gupta (among others), but soon objections were raised on the absence of comfortable seating/ resting arrangements, toilet facilities, etc. in a jungle environment. So this idea too was cast away taking us back to square one: Banish the thought of a picnic any time soon.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Alas, it is too bad that we have given up on the picnic. An outing should be welcome. As for Geeta's teeth pain, I suggest she should gargle with alum (phatkari) in little water. In a few days the pain will vanish. After that she should get her other dental problems sorted out.

Dilip Babani:
Banoo Apa, very nice tea. Thank you very much. My wife liked your tea.