Sweating it Out

Mallika Kagzi

Everybody agrees that it is unusually sultry for this time of the year in Mumbai. And were it not for Mallika Kagzi, attendance for the exercises in the Garden would have dropped to zero by now. Every morning, she comes in carrying two heavy bottles of chilled water which is shared by all of us. Nobody has told her to do so. But this is what keeps us going.

Srichand Arora conducts the exercises in the oppressive heat

Or else, we would be dropping to the ground like nine pins out of sheer dehydration.
“There can be no greater virtue in life than giving the thirsty water to drink,” a grateful Srichand Arora complimented her the other day.
Today was no different – except that attendance had dropped further with Shekhawat whisking away a sizeable number of regulars for the three-day excursion of Mahabaleshwar-Panchgani. They left by chartered bus at 6:15 in the morning and as you read this, they could well be gallivanting in the cooler climes of the hill station. They reached at 12:30 pm after a brief stopover for breakfast at Lonavala.
Meanwhile, lesser mortals like us sweated it out in the Garden, seeking distractions to keep the laughter going. Razia Khan stepped into Shekhawat’s shoes to be the engine driver of the morning while Mallika had a blast egging Arora to keep talking even after he had nothing to speak about.

Karishma Milwani with parents

Maitra narrates a 3-in-one joke

And then came the hilarious rapid fire wrap-up of the exercises – just what Jagmohan Papneja wanted to keep us sweating even more. But ultimately, it was Siba Prasad Maitra who stole the show with a charming three-in-one joke that won many hearts.
Incidentally, today was Arora’s wedding anniversary. And Bihari Milwani, who is away in Los Angeles, sent him a beautiful laminated card to mark the occasion. He had gone to attend the convocation of his younger daughter, Karishma who has earned her masters’ in cyber security from the University of Southern California. In the photograph alongside, she is seen flanked by her proud parents. Our hearty congratulations and good wishes go to her.
Kiran Prakash:
* Congratulations Karishma on your achievement. Congratulations to the proud parents too.
* Happy wedding anniversary to Kiran and Srichand Arora. May God grant His choicest blessings on both of you.
Srichand Arora:
Congratulations dear Karishma and many many thanks, dear Milwani family for such a beautiful and meaningful greeting card. Actually I was 100% sure to receive your wishes. Thanks once again, you all.
Bihari Milwani from Los Angeles:
Dear Mallika, from the bottom of my heart I thank and congratulate you for tirelessly doing such a wonderful job of quenching the thirst of all members of BIG LAAF family.
Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Heartiest congratulations to Karishma and her proud parents for the big achievement. I wish her more success in times to come. Heartiest congratulations to the Aroras as well on their wedding anniversary. I wish them many healthy and enjoyable years together.

Overbooked

Last-minute 'adjustments' for the Mahabaleshwar trip

The Mahabaleshwar-Panchgani tour, beginning tomorrow, is overbooked. For the first time Shekhawat is faced with a real possibility of having to refund money (collected from four extra people) unless he is able to find accommodation for them.
Shekhawat had arranged for the stay of 20 people in the Mahabaleshwar hotel, but following a couple of dropouts, he began to invite newer members in the group. Suddenly, to his disbelief, he finds that he has taken up more on his platter than he can possibly handle. The hotel has informed that there are no more rooms available – unless some last-minute cancellation crops up.
Shekhawat now has the option to wait indefinitely and keep his four guests in suspense. Or else, he will have to check with the hotels nearby. Either way, he will not get the benefit of any discount on the new bookings.
Meanwhile, Monthi Serrao kicked up a row on Pehchaan Kaun-12, the results of which were declared the day-before-yesterday (see post). She is convinced that Yusuf Rassiwala is fibbing on his shoe size.

Monthi Serrao argues on Yusuf Rassiwala's shoe size 

“How can you say it is No 10?” she demanded. “I don’t believe it!”
Yusuf struck a tribhanga pose, balancing himself on one foot and told Monthi to study the shoe sole of the other. Monthi refused. He then sat on a bench and painstakingly took off his right shoe. The only number decipherable was ‘45’ marked on the instep. “Barobar,” remarked Dilip Babani. “Four and five make nine. So the shoe size must be 9!”
Before Monthi could jump jubilantly, Yusuf reminded her that even if she was right on the shoe size, she had got the age wrong. “But who told you to apply for an auto licence at the age of 28?” she charged. “My husband applied for a taxi licence when he was 21 and he also wore that Gandhi topi. He did not wait till he was 28. He was married at 24.”
Yusuf declared lamely, “I got married at 25.”
“But who told you to marry at 25?” Monthi thundered.
This time Yusuf was at a loss of words. “She is correct,” Dilip instigated him. “Yusuf-bhai, you are wrong. You should not have got married at 25. Neither should you have applied for auto licence at the age of 28…”
Yusuf gave them a look of losing his sanity and walked away without uttering another word.
Bihari Milwani from Los Angeles:
PK-12 ne Yusuf-bhai ka barah baja diya!

Day 1650

Pic of the Week

SILVERLINE TOURS: Anybody for Mahabaleshwar? Hop in!

Has she diversified into chartered long-distance auto travel? But first thing first: She must return the bag left by the last passenger on the rear seat. --Kiran Prakash

Warning: Please double your insurance before hopping in the Bhaswati Bose Express. It has a new owner, new driver and is on a new route. However, if you want to go to Siliguri, this is the No 1 mode of transport! --Bihari Milwani

Chalti kya Mahabaleshwar?!? We are game, if she can manage the permit. --Harish Wadhwa

He is YUSUF R

Yusuf Rassiwala today, at 68

Yusuf Rassiwala at 28

The man on the left is indeed, Yusuf Rassiwala. He wears No 10 size shoes, speaks fluent Gujarati and that picture which kept the Club in a tizzy for a full fortnight was clicked when he was 28 years old.
This brings closure to the 12th edition of the Pehchaan Kaun contest.
Significantly, not a single person had got that right. So in keeping with the rules of the contest, the closest-to-correct entry had to be declared winner. And then there was a tie between Khatoon Baig and Banoo Apa. In the end, Khatoon got lucky by the toss of a coin and was declared winner.
But this was not before the contestants had to go through some anxious moments. There were 22 of them (ref post of April 26, 2015) of which 12 were completely off the mark. The balance 10 (who had correctly identified the man behind the photograph) were then subjected to a unique grading system devised by Yusuf, whereby, for each correct answer to the three questions mentioned, a score of 3 points was awarded.

Yusuf Rassiwala announces the results

Banoo Apa hugs Khatoon, the winner

On Gujarati being the mother tongue, there was hardly any confusion. But on the age and shoe size, a major variance became evident and through a process of elimination and appropriate weightage, Khatoon Baig and Banoo Apa emerged top scorers with 7 points each. Prabha Kapoor was the closest runner-up, scoring 6 points.
At the end of it all, Yusuf had an interesting anecdote to share on the white cap he is seen wearing in the photograph.

Morning cuppa to close PK-12

Shekhawat congratulates Khatoon Baig

It seems he had harboured ambitions to own an autorickshaw in Mumbai when he was in his late twenties. To his good fortune, the state government announced new auto licences at that time, but there was a catch: You had to wear a Gandhi cap, get photographed with it and only then were you qualified to apply for a licence. Yusuf jumped at the chance and did the needful. We do not know if he could eventually get a licence for himself; but surely, that photograph has come to better use now.
Khatoon Baig will be presented the winner's trophy at the Garden next Saturday, i.e. May 23, 2015. Yusuf Rassiwala will also receive a complimentary trophy in acknowledgment of his support at making the contest a success.
Kiran Prakash:
* Congratulation Khatoon-ji. And for you BIG LAAF, you are Entertainer No 1.
* Pehchaan Kaun-12 was indeed very exciting and keenly contested. Yusuf Bhai's systematic grading made it very transparent. I really wonder what made those 10 persons (a big number) see Yusuf Bhai in that 40-year-old photograph -- whether it is their love for Yusuf Bhai or that they have the God's gifted eye to look into the past. The remaining 12 of us, including myself, will genuinely have to do something with God's grace so that we are not so off the mark in PK-13.
Bihari Milwani from Los Angeles:
This is not Yusuf Rassiwala but Yusuf Topiwala. He changed his name after joining BIG LAAF. All entries are wrong!
Harish Wadhwa:
Pehchaan Kaun creates a unique euphoria among members. It is a wonderful contest. Yusuf-bhai indeed looks so nice in the Gandhi topi and the reason for sporting it is also very amusing.

Lucky Talisman

Shekhawat (in red) brags about his talismanic powers 

Hari Singh Shekhawat is on the tenth heaven. At last he has found a reasonable justification for collecting saalis like loose change (ref post of May 4). He has four of them already (on last count), the last acquisition being a replacement for one who dropped out. She is shifting to her new apartment in Goregaon.
Earlier, the oldest of the four had bought a house in Pune soon after becoming Shekhawat’s saali. And now, by a freak coincidence, the latest one has picked up a sprawling 3,600 sq feet luxurious apartment in Lokhandwala for Rs70 million. Even by today’s standards, this is no ordinary accomplishment.

Arora watches the fun from afar

The lady was so overjoyed that she couldn't contain herself this morning and treated us to luddoos while breaking the news.
But Shekhawat is happier than her. All morning he kept projecting himself as a lucky talisman for the women he chooses to ‘ordain’ as his saalis. “See, how three of the four have acquired new property,” he boasted. “They had no plans to do so.

Celebrating the new apartment with luddoos

It happened only after they became my saali. Watch out, the fourth one too will acquire a new apartment soon.”
Clearly, there’s a neat pay-off here. But somehow, the equation does not work the same way for others – especially guys. He had made Ram Shankar Shukla a bum chum, teasing him for running a chain of gurukuls and not sharing the premises with him… till one day, Shukla fainted while exercising. Rukhsana Khan then became the target of his playful jibes till she slipped and broke her hip bone. Bijoy Gupta was the next and predictably, he too became a casualty – falling flat one morning on his back and thrashing his legs in the air.
Shekhawat himself became so terrified of his ‘black tongue’ that he stopped using it for humans and instead, started targeting coconut trees and the like. Making saalis is undoubtedly a better bet – more so, when they stand to benefit with newer apartments in the bargain. After all, Shekhawat is a good man at heart.
Kiran Prakash:
I would not wonder if some female reader of this blog approaches Shekhawat to become his saali, if that's a sure way of getting an apartment in this dream city!
Bihari Milwani from Los Angeles:
Jo mazaa piyali mein hai, woh thali mein nahin / Jo mazaa kali mein hai, woh saali mein nahin... If the saalis are prospering, one can imagine the prosperity of ghar wali!!!
Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Mr Shekhawat is lucky for his saalis. He is not so for his male colleagues and not even for the trees. Coconut trees have been cursed and they are not bearing any fruits in the Garden. Enjoy with more saalis.