Who is Ram Kapoor?

Gita Latte pets Ram Kapoor

Whatever anyone might say about the countless parties in the Club or the calories we keep piling every day, there is really no one to beat our good friend, Ram Kapoor when it comes to fondness for food. He hangs around at the gate of the Garden – not stepping in and not abandoning his post.

Swati Punjabi

The moment he sees anybody from Big Laaf, he would waddle up wagging his tail, expecting his share of the food saved from a morning treat.
Needless to say, we all love Ram Kapoor. In fact, many habitually pack breakfast for him from their homes every morning. But it had been a mystery how he had acquired his name, till Swati Punjabi owned up the other day: “I noticed he was turning obese. Somehow, whenever he sees me, he loses his head and rolls on the ground in joy. He has become really roly-poly… So I started calling him Ram Kapoor. The name has since stuck.”
Today everybody calls him by that name. It seems he too likes to be addressed as Ram Kapoor and no longer responds to 'Sheroo', the name he was known by earlier.

Navin Shah's (in white) Cosmopolitan Party

Mallika Kagzi's tea party

Vinod, the juice-wallah at the gate, had tried pinning another name, ‘Raja’ on him till Ram Kapoor bared his fangs and growled at him. Vinod got the message that day: “He associates ‘Raja’ with

some bad memory that he wants to forget.” Sadly Ram Kapoor could not catch today’s party because it started at the unearthly hour of 6:00a.m. – well before his waking time. An old friend of the Club, Navin Shah had invited the whole Garden to his annual bash meant to celebrate what he describes as Cosmopolitan Day. With wife Aruna playing the gracious hostess and Anna, the idli wallah landing with his bicycle outside the China Hut, the celebrations continued to almost 8:00 a.m.
If that were not enough, Mallika Kagzi separately hosted a ‘special’ tea party under the flowering tree at another corner of the Garden -- exclusively for Club members.
Bihari Milwani:
Are we coming to the Garden for exercises or having parties?

Fireworks!

Going hammer and tongs

Diwali is still a week away and already fire crackers are going off in the Garden. An innocuous remark made with all good intention, gets blown out of proportion, and before anybody realizes, things reach a flashpoint and suddenly, there’s an explosion. BOOM!
That’s exactly how today’s drama played out with three sturdy ladies – Swati Punjabi, Razia Khan and Mallika Kagzi – going ballistic over an issue too trivial to mention. Such petty disputes tend to run a predictable course and typically, after a brief flare-up, would fizzle out.

Shekhawat stirs up a hornet's nest

But today, with many ‘non-state actors’ adding fuel to fire, matters spiraled out of control and an ugly free-for-all broke out. Sadly, we are yet to see (or hear) the end of it.
All this could have been avoided had Shekhawat not raised the issue of restricting free-loaders to Club parties and celebrations. The question was how do you distinguish a ‘gatecrasher’ from an invited ‘guest’ – a problem that is as old as the hills and for which there is no solution.

In peaceful times, discussing saalis

Party hosts everywhere learn to live with it.
Shekhawat too should have let it be. But today, in his eagerness to lay down some ground rules, he unwittingly opened a can of worms and many reputations got needlessly sullied. Had he stuck to his pet obsession of ‘four saalis’, peace would have prevailed in the Garden.
In fact, since early morning Shekhawat had been in a jovial mood as three of his saalis turned up today. “Yesterday was a Black Day for me,” he joked with Razia. “Not one of my four saalis had come.”
If Shekhawat still has a problem on this front, it is about the fourth saali. Right now, she happens to be Bijoy Gupta’s wife, Pushpa who simply refuses to get involved. Earlier, there was Rukhsana Khan, who is now bed-ridden with a fractured hipbone. Prior to her, there used to be Sunita Jajodia who terrorized Shekhawat so badly that he replaced her in no time.
Now he is once again on a saali hunt because he believes Pushpa has abandoned him for good. “Why don’t you people suggest someone?” he consulted Razia and Kiran Prakash in the morning. Had he continued in this spirit, joking and playing the fool, the morning would have ended on a positive note.
Bihari Milwani:
Sasu tirath, sasura tirath, tirath sala-sali. Lekin sab tirathon se bada, tirath hai gharwli!

Membership Review

Meeting of the 'Standing' Committee

An impromptu meeting today put to rest the long-pending issue (ref post of October 21) of ‘absentee members’ in our midst. Accordingly, more than half-a-dozen such members have been weeded out of the Club for not showing up for months or even responding to repeated reminders to participate in the daily exercises.
It was also decided (by common consensus) to make an exception

Fahmida Khan becomes a style diva 

for three senior members who have to perforce be out of town on long spells – Tara Chand Seth, Teja Singh Bhambra and Lt Col Angad Singh. They have not only been unfailing in renewing their membership every year, but more significantly, are exemplary in their commitment to the daily exercises whenever in Mumbai.
The meeting, convened by Srichand Arora (in his capacity as Big Laaf president), was in the nature of a mid-year review of daily attendance and the involvement of individual members in Club activities. Wherever required, it was decided, we had to remove the dead wood. This had become necessary because we are running a ‘Waiting List’ of individuals who cannot be accommodated because of the ceiling of 50 on Club membership. Significantly, all of them are not only regular for the exercises but also actively involved in the Club and are enjoying every moment with us every morning. They deserve to be in the Club as regular members – even if it were to be at the expense of members who have not been as sincere or committed.
It was in this spirit of inclusiveness that Arora undertook the membership review today, the results of which will be declared in a couple of days.
Anonymous:
Arora-ji, hum toh aapke dil mein rahite hain. Even then you want to sack us? Please don't be so cruel!
Srichand Arora:
Main kaun hota hoon kisi ko bhee kahin se nikalne wala. Waise jo dil mein rahate hain unko kagaz per rahane na rahane se kya fark padta hai. Kagaj ka naam to kabhee bhee mit saketa hai. Mere dil ke darwaje sada khule hain aur jo chahe so aahe. Main dil se unhe aagosh mein lene ke liye taiyyar hoon.
Lt Col Angad Singh (from Mohali):
Thanks for your kind gesture in allowing the senior members to continue as members of the club. As seniors in our families we have some unwritten obligations which cannot be ignored. We have to move around. Hoping to join the Club soon.

Fun Begins

Shekhawat invites entries for Pehchaan Kaun-13

Shekhawat let known the launch of the latest edition of the Pehchaan Kaun guessing game for the benefit of those who missed the blog yesterday (see post). “You all must participate in the contest this time,” he urged. “Study the photograph carefully and send in your entries by November 11.”
Kiran Prakash helpfully whisked out his cellphone and displayed the picture of the ‘mystery lady’. The instant reaction of most was that it was none other than yesteryear movie star Tanuja. When some people pointed out that it was one of them – a “ladeej member” of the Club – the fun began.
Mallika Kagzi became the prime suspect (and hapless target) with whoever getting the chance, cranking her neck one way or the other to examine her face in profile. After a point she lost her temper.

Kiran Prakash obliges with his phone

“What do you mean? You people want to break my neck or what!?!” she protested. As an afterthought, she cursed her tormentors saying that none of them would ever win the trophy in their lifetime!
Apart from her, the needle of suspicion swiveled between Mumtaz Jahan (who maintained a sphinx-like smile throughout) and Banoo Apa (who kept her distance, intently scrutinizing each lady from a bench).

File photo of Santosh Tyagi buying fruits outside the Garden

Some like Arun Patil and Khatoon Baig discreetly eyed the ladies, turn by turn, as though they had suddenly dropped from outer space.
Kiran Prakash was the coolest of the lot. He obliged everyone with the photo on his phone and studied their reaction in the hope of picking up clues. “What else can I do?” he confessed. “Fat women become thin, thin women turn fat, dark becomes fair, beautiful becomes ugly… How am I to make out?”
As the madness gathers momentum, there’s news coming in from Santosh Tyagi. The doctors had advised her three weeks’ rest after she sprained her leg and there’s still one more week to go. “The swelling has gone and I feel fine,” she informed on phone. “But I cannot take chances. I’ve signed up for the South India tour this month-end.”
Adding to Santosh’s nervousness are certain new symptoms, attributed to lack of vitamin-D.
Bihari Milwani:
I feel the ladies should co-operate with the gents to identify the beauty queen.

Day 1797

Pehchaan Kaun-13

SURE, she is who you think she is. But beyond putting a name to the face, you need to correctly answer three basic questions to prove that you also KNOW her:

* What is her mother tongue?

* Where was she born?

* At what age was this photograph taken?

A single wrong answer could cost you the sparkling PEHCHAAN KAUN crystal trophy. 
So get your act together, take her aside, chat her up, maybe treat her to a nice lunch, dinner… whatever, so long as you manage to ferret out the answers to the three questions in the next 10 days.
In the (likely) event of more-than-one all-correct answers, the winner shall be determined by the toss of a coin or draw of lots. 
Results shall be declared on November 11, 2015.

Bihari Milwani:
"Aap yahaan aaye kisliye? Aapne bulaayaa kisliye? Aaye hain toh naam bhi bataaiye..."

Anonymous:
"Mera naam Chin-Chin-Chu, Chin-Chin-Chu Baba Chin-Chin-Chu, Raat chaandni main aur tu, Hello Mister how do you do?"

Kiran Prakash:
On Blog Monster's advice, I would be honoured to invite the lady in picture (along with any of her friends) for lunch/ dinner at any restaurant of her choice and at any time/ date of her choice (but of course before 10th of November).
P.S.: Kindly carry the original picture as a proof of identity.

Entries:

1. Dilip Babani:                          BANOO APA {Urdu / Mumbai / 23 years}

2. Bihari Milwani:                       GITA LATTE {Sangli / 20 years}
3. Kiran Arora:                           BANOO APA {Pashto / Peshawar / 22 years}
4. Srichand Arora:                     BANOO APA {Pashto / Peshawar / 24 years}
5. Arun Patil:                              MALLIKA KAGZI {Gujarati / Mumbai / 14 years}
6. Swati Punjabi:                        BANOO APA {Urdu / Mumbai / 25 - 27 years}
7. Harbans Kaur:                        NEELAM CHOUDHARY {Hindi/ Bihar/ 19-plus
8. H.S.Shekhawat:                      BANOO APA {Urdu / Mumbai / 25 - 27 years}
9. Lakshmi Naidu:                      BANOO APA {Hindi / Peshawar / 24 years}
10. Prabha Kapoor:                     BANOO APA {Pashto / Mumbai/ 22 years}
11. Razia Khan:                            BANOO APA {Urdu / Mumbai / 22 - 23 years}
12. Santosh Tyagi:                     BANOO APA {Mix Bhasha / Peshawar / 21 years}
13. Mallika Kagzi:                       BANOO APA {Punjabi / Peshawar / 22 years}
14. Gita Latte:                             BANOO APA {Urdu / Mumbai / 21 years}
15. Naseem Khan:                      BANOO APA {Urdu / Peshawar / 22 years}
16. Mumtaz Jahan:                     BANOO APA {Pashto / Peshawar / 25 years}
17. Banoo Khan:                        MUMTAZ JAHAN {Punjabi/ Srinagar / 20 years}
18. Jagmohan Papneja:             BANOO APA {Peshawar / 22 years}
19. Yusuf Rassiwala:                 BANOO APA {Urdu / Mumbai / 20 years}
20. Rakhi Bansi:                         BANOO APA {Punjabi / Peshawar / 20 years}
21. Fehmida Khan:                     BANOO APA {Hindi / Mumbai / 20 years}
22. Ajit Choudhary:                    BANOO APA {Urdu/ Peshawar  / 20-21 years}
23. Amrita Choudhary:               BANOO APA {Punjabi-Urdu / Peshawar/ 23 years}
24. Neelam Choudhary:             BANOO APA {Punjabi-Kashmiri / Srinagar/ 22 yrs}

BANOO APA TODAY

25. Janardan Choudhary:          BANOO APA {Urdu-Kashmiri / Peshawar/ 25 years}
26. Akshat Choudhary:              BANOO APA {mix language / Hospital / 22 years}

Winner: PRABHA KAPOOR

27. Nahid Khan:   BANOO APA {Urdu / Mumbai / 18 years}

28. Qadeer Bano: MUMTAZ  JAHAN{Punjabi/ Kashmir/ 21 yrs}

29. Kiran Prakash:     BANOO APA {Urdu/ Mumbai/ 19 years}

30. Siba Prasad Maitra:    BANOO APA {Urdu/ Mumbai/ 20 - 23 years} 

...and the correct answer is BANOO APA {Pashto / Mumbai / 22 years} 
THE ONE TO GET IT SPOT-ON IS PRABHA KAPOOR (left pic)

Our hearty congratulations to her!

(For detailed report, please switch to post of NOVEMBER 11, 2015.)