Collision Course

Two rail gaadis -- one of Bijoy Gupta (l) and the other of Shekhawat (r) -- headed for a shattering collision

Shekhawat (r) clashes with Gupta

Shekhawat today got on a collision course with a vengeance. Nobody now appreciates his never-ending pranks and tomfoolery. Razia Khan insisted he stay rooted to one spot for the time she conducted the exercises. Nahid Khan threatened to impose a fine should he budge an inch and when that did not work, suggested a cowbell be strung around Shekhawat’s neck.
Khatoon Baig assumed responsibility to discipline him (like the headmistress she once was) but soon gave up. Rukhsana Khan, Banoo Apa and others too had their own prescriptions to “tame” Shekhawat, but to no avail. It seemed as though he was beyond all control.
At one point when he realised nobody was paying any attention to him, he turned towards a crow (yes, crow) that had settled close to his feet. He playfully teased it, scolded it, chased it… and the crow hopped about, challenging him to a chase.

Shekhawat announces schedule for Club elections

He ran after it and before long, let it be. But the crow refused to take wing and in moments, was back at Shekhawat’s feet.
Ultimately it took some quick out-of-the-box thinking on the part of Bihari Milwani to unsettle Shekhawat. The 'rail gaadi round' had just started when Bihari got Bijoy Gupta to head a counter rail gaadi running in the opposite direction simultaneously.
The inevitable happened: The two rail gaadis collided, sparking an instant head-to-head combat between the two ageing 'engine drivers'!
It all ended on a sobering note with Bihari submitting the audited accounts and draft balance sheet – a pre-requisite for the AGM later in the month. Shekhawat formally invited nominations for the Club’s new managing committee (for 2018-2020) and announced May 9, 2018 (Wednesday) to be the last date for submission of names. We need to get through this election process soon and the only way to ensure maximum participation is to have it before the start of the holy month of Ramzaan in mid-May. When members return mid-June, monsoon would have already descended and that again, would rob us of a decent turnout. And we cannot possibly wait till the monsoon ends. Hence the urgency.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
New ideas, new tendencies and new attributes are welcome -- so long as we all enjoy the fun and frolicking. Keep laughing and enjoy!

Wicked Wishes

Kiran Prakash (l) administers first aid to Gupta

Normal people usually pray for the good and welfare of all. We too have always wished the best for everyone and pray that we survive the exercises every morning in one piece. But after procuring the first aid kit yesterday, something changed.
Secretly, we have been eager to put the medicine supplies to use. Otherwise the whole purpose of putting together a medical kit would go waste. Wicked as this may sound, we were hoping and praying for a medical emergency to arise in the Garden so as to justify the first aid kit!
Our prayers were answered too soon. In a bizarre enactment of black comedy, Bijoy Gupta today presented us the perfect opportunity to inaugurate the first aid kit. He just could not bend down after the ‘bird fly’ exercise and holding his waist, kept staring at the ground suspiciously.
After a while, he made a face and headed towards a bench. “I can’t take the heat anymore,” he declared. “I’m going home.”
This was the moment we were waiting for. Kiran Prakash promptly galloped towards the Gate to retrieve a red bag of medical supplies from his car.

Nahid Khan (c) conducts exercises with 'dedh haath' 

Meanwhile, Shekhawat gave Gupta company – to be joined by Dilip Babani later. Gupta kept mumbling, “This is nothing but dehydration” and then suddenly, he woke up: “Has Kiran-ji gone to the market for me?”
Kiran Prakash was back and like Alladin’s genie, produced a bottle of Electral water for Gupta. “Keep sipping from this slowly and you will be fine,” he advised. The exercises were continuing. After a few minutes, Gupta looked pepped up and was trying some breathing exercises on the bench. But he did not return to the exercise circle.
On a happier note, Nahid Khan returned to conducting our exercises after a gap of two months. She had injured her left shoulder after a fall, but did not show any doctor. The pain persisted and when she consulted a physiotherapist, it was too late. Her arm had become immobilized.
Today however, we could see a marked improvement in her, even as she could not raise the arm fully. She had to lift it with her right hand – a comic situation at times during the exercises, thereby prompting Karuna Waghmare to remark: “Nahid is exercising with one-and-half hands!”

‘Leave Vacancy’

Kiran Prakash officiates in conducting the exercises

After what seemed like ages, Kiran Prakash today took to the middle and conducted the main exercises of the morning. There was a reason. He had to fill in for regular ‘teachers’ like Nahid Khan, Arun Patil and Razia Khan who had together done the vanishing trick. Khatoon Baig described our predicament politely in two words: ‘Leave Vacancy’!
That said, it was hunky dory all the way. Kiran Prakash himself set the tone for the group by turning the exercises into an interactive session and inviting the rest to keep count with him. Shekhawat had a free run in Arun Patil’s absence and was all over the place.

Zarina Khan (l) lodges protest with Shekhawat

Late comers like Naheed Siddiqui and Naseem Khan strolled in casually without fear of getting pulled up. Karuna Waghmare did not even bother to exercise and for the most part, kept talking to herself on a bench.
In keeping with this light-hearted, freewheeling atmosphere, Siba Prasad Maitra narrated two jokes, one so-called “non-veg, but not quite”.

Siba Prasad Maitra revives jokes session after a year

The other was in the nature of a ghost story on election fraud – a man discovering his dead wife had cast her vote in a poll booth ahead of him. More than the story, it was Maitra’s style of narration -- stretching the suspense of an otherwise commonplace situation -- that had us all in splits.
One way to explain the cheerful and carefree mood today was the absence of a domineering task master in our midst. That Arun Patil was away had resulted in the typical ‘mice at play’ situation. Everybody felt liberated. But then, Rukhsana Khan was to reveal that Arun was actually peeved over some people defying his authority and in protest, had decided to stay put at home. He even named Shekhawat, Banoo Apa, Bhaswati Bose and Zarina Khan as his prime tormentors.
Funny part was when Zarina heard her name being taken. “I didn’t even come yesterday!” she squealed. “What is that man talking? Let him come here, I’ll teach him a lesson!”
This was music to Shekhawat's ears.

First Aid Kit

Siba Prasad Maitra reads out the list of essentials for an emergency medical kit

With the help of Siba Prasad Maitra, the Club today managed to cobble together a rather rudimentary but much needed ‘first aid kit’ to meet any medical emergency (ref post of April 30) arising in the course of our daily exercises in the Garden.
Apart from band aid strips, cotton wool and bandage roll, the kit contains the following bare essentials:
ELECTRAL: for dehydration
ONDEM: for vomiting
SORBITRATE: chest pain
CALPOL: pain and fever
GELUSIL MPS: antacid
GLUCON-D: fatigue/ exhaustion
SOFRAMYCIN: wounds
DETTOL: antiseptic
Maitra drew up this list based on his assessment on the possibility of a medical crisis and till such time professional help arrives. We already have a so-called Swasthya Kendra (health centre) within the Garden area, but it does not open before 8:30 a.m. – long after we are done with our morning routine.
Among all of us, Maitra is best-suited in putting together the medical kit, considering his wisdom of experience (from a life-long career) in the pharma industry.

Banoo Apa treats us to pudding after exercises

Still, he invited all present for inputs, if any, to improve upon his list, only to

Nagpur pedas from Fahmida Khan (r)

be faced with a peculiar query: “What happens when I get diarrhea?”
Pat came his answer: “Next you will ask what happens when a mad dog bites you. There is no end to medical issues. Here we are concerned with likely medical emergencies that could occur to any of us in the Garden and being better prepared to deal with them.”

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
The medicines mentioned by Maitra are quite adequate. However, the serious emergencies are (a)uncontrolled BP and (b)heart attack. These types of emergencies need first aid treatment for which someone should teach us how to handle the situation.

New Moniker

The final face-off... but no offence meant!

Today was MAY DAY, better known as International Labour Day. For us in the Garden, it was also Maharashtra Day. It also marked the first day of Shab e-Barat – an important day of prayer and fasting by the Islamic calendar. Yet Rukhsana Khan, Nahid Siddiqui, Khatoon Baig and

Banoo Apa

many others braved the blistering morning sun and reported for the exercises on time.
Among them, the one to leave a

Arun Patil

lasting impact was Banoo Apa -- all for her acerbic tongue. In a sudden rush of inspiration, she decided to christen Arun Patil (of all the people) as “Mohammad Kasim Thaklo”! Where that came from, nobody knows. Nor was the provocation for conferring such a lofty title apparent. But Mohammad Kasim Thaklo sounded nice and dramatic. And to Shekhawat, this was just what the doctor ordered -- a convenient stick to beat Arun Patil with.
Barely a week back, Arun had ticked off Shekhawat for calling him “Tokam Toki”, saying that his parents had lovingly given him a name inspired by the solar deity and we ought to respect that. But today, Arun did not dare challenge Banoo Apa for her Mohammad Thaklo jibe. He knew where this could lead do, given Banoo’s way with words. After all, she’s the one to famously brand free-loaders at our parties as “Muft mein chandan, ghiss mere Nandan!”
Turns out Mohammad Kasim Thaklo is for real – a cook who was in the employ of Banoo Apa’s family in Valsad. “He used to be a big kaam chor”, she added.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
The name game adds spice to the proceedings of Big Laaf club. One should take such things sportingly. Enjoy and be happy. Do not mind these small pinpricks.