Short Takes

Now for a quick update on What’s Hot and What’s Not in the Club:
• Today is Ramila Mistry’s (in pic) birthday. She has broken her two-day maun vrat and is now in a position to acknowledge all your greetings and good wishes. She intends to celebrate on Saturday, August 14.
• Santosh Tyagi is back after more than a fortnight's absence. She had to rush to Delhi at short notice as her mother-in-law passed away – at the age of 89. Our condolences are with Santosh-ji and her family.
• The creepy-crawlies of the Garden had a field day as we stepped out of the Chinese Hut for our exercises this morning. The earthworms, caterpillars, centipedes, bugs and bumble ants hold a special fascination for stealing up the legs of female members, much to the consternation of the likes of Sunita, Monthi, Bhaswati and Kajal.
• Mrs Harbans Singh is still down with malarial fever. So is Razia Khan. She was last sighted on August 2, munching on a chicken tangdi at Arun Patil’s birthday party. We wish her and Mrs Singh speedy recovery.
• Hari Narayani has not yet forgiven Shekhawat for striking off his name from the Club membership. He insists that he had opted out for only a month (due to health reasons) but since Shekhawat has a “36 ka aankda” with him, he had been declared an absconder for more than three months!
• Arora (in pic) is terribly upset at the state of neglect the Garden is in. Since the onset of monsoon the grass has not been mown (making it a breeding ground of mosquitoes), the lights don’t come on at dark, security at the gate is lax and the lawn is littered with plastic, leftover food and excreta. He intends to make a meal of the Managing Committee for its lapses.
• Shekhawat announced a joint-party at the Club tomorrow -- hosted by Dilip and Kajal Babani to celebrate their daughter emerging a university topper (see earlier posts of July 28 and 29); Monthi Serrao for her grandson’s birthday; and Kiran Arora observing her own birthday.
There’s much more brewing. But all that can wait!

Grasshopper Story

It was a bright sunny morning when out of the blue, a little green grasshopper flipped into the Chinese Hut where we were exercising. It fell close to Mr Garg, dodged Arora-ji’s shoes, darted towards Shekhawat’s, waited for a while before skipping around Rane, suddenly changed course and played near Nahid Khan, then hopped towards Grover, stopped again, raced to where the ladies were, only to bounce back and after one huge leap, settled on a green mat lying folded on the ledge.
Bhaswati was the first to notice and shrieked. Following a momentary disruption in the exercises, it was decided to let it be. It sat motionless, blending well into the greenness of the mat. But it had already become a major distraction, the fear being that it could suddenly take flight and land square on someone’s face.
Interrupting the exercises again, Arora crossed over, peered at it closely and after a while declared, “Iska nasha abhi tak utra nahin.”
Nahid Khan corrected him: “Roothi hui hai!”
Instantly all eyes searched the floor and sure enough, at the far end of the floor, just beside Motwani’s feet, was its jodi. “Kya, jhagda hua in dono mein?” Arora asked.
“Nahin, bhai-behen hai,” Nahid Khan replied sternly.
That pretty much settled the matter, only that there was a crow, perched on a high beam, eyeing the little grasshopper. This was a diabolical drama of predator and prey being played out. The crow kept cawing and fluttering about, rapidly changing position. At one point, Geeta-ji shooed it away, but soon it returned to its original perch. If it were not for us getting in its way, the grasshopper would be history. Effectively, till the exercises lasted, we were depriving the crow of its breakfast.
Finally, our exercises ended with the jumbo laughter, followed by 108 claps. This sudden ruckus caught the crow by surprise and out of panic, it simply gave up and flew away. The grasshopper too upped and disappeared. Nobody saw what happened to its partner. What we found were its squished remains on the floor, the stains of which were traced to Motwani’s shoes.

Cat Among Pigeons

Sitaram Hivarkar (in pic) finally let the cat among the pigeons. For days he has been grumbling to himself about the Club atmosphere getting vitiated ever since members started hosting parties in hotels and homes. Of late, his grouse is that only those who contribute for the gifts, cash or otherwise, are allowed to attend these parties.
“Please try to understand that everybody cannot afford to contribute every time there is a party,” he said during his brief address after the Suryanamaskar session. “My suggestion therefore is to have your parties in the Garden itself if you want us to attend. It does not matter whether you celebrate with luddoos or pedas or anything. Let us stay within our means. This is my request. So please don’t mind.”
Shekhawat promptly threw up his hands and announced that the majority decision would prevail. Yusuf-bhai and others argued that nobody can prevent anybody from having a party at a place of his/her choice, be it in or out of the Garden. Besides, a contribution of Rs 100 per head for a gift is not a huge financial burden.
“How can you go to a party empty-handed, without a gift or at least a bouquet?” Dilip Babani wondered. He was stopped short by a counter-question: “Do you mean to say that Jo jaisa maal layega, usko waisa maal milega?”
The ladies, mostly on Sitaram’s side, had a different take. As one put it: “Today you are charging Rs 100, tomorrow you may want to give a more expensive gift. This will keep on increasing. And then, this is not a one-off thing. Every month, there are three or four birthdays, sometimes more. We cannot afford this”
A senior member quipped that we gift someone’s grandchild because the party is held outside the Garden and we don’t give anything to another member’s grandchild because she celebrates inside the Garden. “What kind of logic is this?”
Before the discussion could get any more acrimonious, the Babanis brought about a modicum of sanity by pointing out that it is at our own free-will we attend parties, avoid parties, host parties, don’t host parties… and no questions are asked. The same applies to parties inside the Garden and outside the Garden. In other words, the status quo prevails.
Much ado about nothing!

Event to Remember

Of the 17 from the Club who attended Arun Patil’s party last night, only two turned up today – Hari Narayani and Ved Prakash Grover. Later, midway through the exercises, Geeta Sandana walked in. All the rest – including Shekhawat, Yusuf-bhai, Kishor and Dilip Babani, Razia Khan, Mumtaz, Nafisa… could not make it. They were the prime casualties of what seems to have been the Baap Of All Birthday Bashes.
“You can’t blame them because they were all eating chicken-tangdi and kababs till late night,” explained Hari-bhai. “We were the ghaas-phoos people who left early.”
But who was interested in who ate what?
“Yes, they came,” Grover clarified. “What do you call them? Enikh?!?”
“Very beautiful,” Hari-bhai pointed out. “Kya kudrat ka kamal hai! Bahut entertainment hua…”
“We all enjoyed,” Geeta-ji joined in.
“Chhi-chhhi, how can you say that?” a lady interjected.
“Kya woh insaan nahin hai?” demanded Hari-bhai.
“Suchh-muchh, bahut khubsoorat thhe,” Grover said, nodding his head.
“Aur kuchh indecent bhi toh nahin hua,” affirmed Geeta-ji. “Sab ne enjoy kiya.”
That sums it up. Quite clearly the eunuchs were the star attraction, though to many, a culture shock. After all, how many of us have ever attended a birthday bash with hijras in attendance? In their presence, everything else pales into insignificance -- including issues of propriety and precedence anybody could have had. The bottomline is that everybody had a blast and this is what underscores the success of any party. Bringing in the eunuchs was a master stroke by Arun-bhai at ensuring that his birthday remains an event to remember.
Another enikh party, anybody?

Value for Money

Many members seem to be still nursing a hangover from Sushma Gupta's party last evening; which probably explains the large-scale absenteeism this morning. The Club has a special word for this malaise – “pakoria”. Derived from malaria (but not quite), it suggests indigestion caused by overeating party pakoras, especially during the monsoons. Nafisa (see pic) came running in late, saying that she could not sleep after the party as she had nightly visions of Shekhawat reprimanding her for doing a phunti!
Overeating at a party is a trait common to all ages. We want to make the most of what is served free, regardless of whether the stomach can take it or not. And if it happens to be a contributory party (as in the case last evening) we go berserk, anxious to derive maximum value for money. We punish ourselves and repent next morning. Yet, we never learn from the experience.
This evening we have another party coming up – and a heavy duty one at that, hosted by Arun Patil. Worse, many have contributed for the gift to gain admission. God alone can help them, should they again go all out for recovering their money’s worth. Rumours have it that Arun-bhai has budgeted for Rs 400 per guest, which should take care of alcohol also. Non-veg food is on the menu as well. There is also some talk (in hushed tones) of hijras being in attendance to entertain the guests -- such are the heightened expectations from the party. As mentioned in our last post, the evening should run into midnight.
It would be interesting to see how many members are able to survive this excess and be in a fit state to show up at the Garden tomorrow morning. Meanwhile, in our own humble way, let us wish Arun-bhai more prosperity, good health and every happiness in life.