Censored

Rukhsana's sweets from Surat 

Mallika Kagzi's refreshing tea

A black day. For once, a need has arisen to exercise restraint on our daily reportage because of a rather unfortunate development today. The reasons are known to all present in the Garden this morning. But propriety demands that the blog does not join issue, even indirectly. The matter is much too delicate and sub-judice. So for the first time in five years, we shall apply self-censorship for the day. Just suffice to say that the Housie programme scheduled for the morning was cancelled. Instead, we savored the sweets Rukhsana Khan had brought from Surat and more than anything else, devoured Mallika Kagzi’s famous lip-smacking snacks of boiled potatoes, washed down by hot tea. In certain matters we ensure that the show must go on – as Razia Khan kept mentioning all morning!
Kiran Prakash:
Self-censorship, akin to self-control, is a pre-requisite for growth and development.

Duel at Dawn

Playing to gallery: Shekhawat challenges Gupta over Rs100,000

It looked like a day of reckoning for Shekhawat and Bijoy Gupta. The latter wouldn’t pay the Rs100,000 he had promised to the Club should he be made chairman. And the former wouldn’t allow him to stay in peace, now that he had relinquished the post by a written undertaking in Gupta’s favour.
The matter has been flogged to death over the past two months and frankly, nobody could be interested any longer. But Shekhawat wasn’t willing to give up on the illusory Rs100,000. He has called Gupta names, embarrassed him no end and like every other day, needled him right through the exercises today. Things reached a head when Jagmohan Papneja had to intervene, even extending Gupta the facility of EMIs (equated monthly installments) over a period of one year. Angad Singh was even more gratuitous. “You can pay at the rate of Rs100 a year,” he advised Gupta.
Still, nothing was coming of it.

Arora wants to know about the car that hit Mumtaz 

So after the exercises, Shekhawat confronted Gupta head on to part with the cash. The altercation fast drifted towards a classic ‘duel at dawn’ with Gupta striking the pose of a boxer. Shekhawat riled him as a no-man before a group of bemused ladies. “A man talks with one tongue and keeps his word,” he reminded Gupta. Out of nowhere Banoo Apa piped in, “I am a lady and I also talk with one tongue,” thereby throwing the two combatants instantly off-gear. A potentially violent situation soon diffused into laughter and the duel was averted for the day.
Meanwhile, Mumtaz Jahan was to show up, complaining to Srichand Arora of how the Club no longer cares for her (actually she has been hibernating in Kashmir for long) and that nobody had even checked on her after a recent accident near Lokhandwala Market. A speeding Innova grazed against her, sending her crashing to the ground and leaving her with multiple bruises on her ankle and arms. “What about the car?” Arora asked earnestly. “I hope it wasn’t damaged?”
That brought an end to Mumtaz’s tale of woe.
Kiran Prakash:
Only you know how to report facts, whether it is pleasant, unpleasant, humorous, anger or laughter and still make it interesting. No wonder every day, BIG LAAF posts are followed by hundreds of those who have never even seen us.

'PK' Fallout

Razia Khan is all fire and brimstone

The effects of the folly in overlooking the erstwhile ‘yoga group’ for the last Pehchaan Kaun (PK) contest (ref yesterday’s post) spilled into the Garden today. Barring the winner, Monthi Serrao, none of the other contestants had taken Fehmida Khan into reckoning – just because she was from the ‘yoga group’. But instead of gracefully acknowledging the mistake, the blame was turned around conveniently as a lapse on the part of the Club management. Why were the new members (in particular Fehmida) not introduced to us?
Now, this has never happened before. No introductions have ever been required for any member, once admitted. Yet even Santosh Tyagi (who had wrongly pitched for Mallika Kagzi yesterday) was insistent: “We are not aware of any of them. We don’t know what they look like. Earlier, before admitting someone in the Club, the consent of all members used to be taken.

Shekhawat introduces Rakhi Bansi (in dark glasses)

Nothing of the sort was done for this new set from the yoga group.”
Razia Khan was even more belligerent. Taking off from her caustic comments on the blog yesterday (see post), she went hammer and tongs on why rules were being bent, if not broken for the benefit of new members. Shekhawat tried to pacify her by explaining that no rule has been broken and the permission to admit the ‘yoga group’ was duly obtained from the general body at the meeting in Chhota Kashmir almost two months back – just that Razia was not there.
Still, in order to purchase peace, Shekhawat introduced Razia to three ‘new’ members – Rakhi Bansi, Naseem Khan and Banoo Apa – who just happened to be hanging around. He had no clue where the others were. “I cannot possibly get all 11-12 of them at one time to line up for you and be introduced,” he added cheerfully.
Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
A new member is usually welcomed with a club cap. Similarly, for women, a senior lady member may put the cap on. This should do for the introduction of a new member.
Razia Khan:
I agree with Lt Col Angad Singh that a new member is always welcomed with a club cap. Nobody is blaming the club management. We are just trying to convey our opinion in a very healthy manner. A healthy discussion should always be welcomed by all of us. I would like to request you to please mention the names of new members on the blog. Personal introduction can be carried out as and when they make themselves available, because some members do not come to the garden regularly and some do not come at all. I would like to further request you to please explain to the members about the bye-laws. It will help all the members understand the rules and regulations which should be followed. This might be a burden to you, but I think along with all the fun, frolic and happenings in the garden if such important discussions also make news in the blog it would be fruitful for everyone. I hope you won't mind. Thanks a billion.
Big Laaf replies:
If only everybody could be as broadminded and large-hearted as Razia... Clearly, she has articulated what could also be bothering others. The practice adopted religiously is that the moment any member is admitted, the president/ secretary/ treasurer would give the green signal for the name to be put on the blog. Within 24 hours the name would show on the side bar under OUR FAMILY. It is the most authentic and updated list we have and occupies a permanent position, day after day, year after year. Fehmida Khan's name has been there as one of the earliest 'new members' to join. Please check, along with the rest. As for the bye-laws, the point has been noted and the needful will be done at the next general body meeting. Thank you once again, Razia -- for your magnanimity.

Plain Fluke?

Fehmida Khan... TODAY

Fehmida Khan... THEN

A dead rubber contest came suddenly alive with a last-minute entry. In what was nothing short of a miracle (or was it just plain fluke?), Monthi Serrao correctly identified Fehmida Khan from her b&w photograph as a 16-year-old, thus bringing to an end days of intense speculation and high drama surrounding the latest Pehchaan Kaun (ref post of January 18) guessing game.
Monthi herself was stumped for words when told that she was absolutely spot on and in effect, today’s winner. For a full minute she stared at Fehmida in disbelief, not uttering a word. Hers was the last entry and clearly, she had put up Fehmida’s name to stem the tide going Mallika Kagzi’s way, little expecting that it would land her the coveted PK crystal trophy.

Pre-dawn meet to identify the 'mystery maiden'

The remaining ‘suspects’ were evenly divided between Ruksana Khan and Nahid Khan – even as the latter protested vehemently that she could never look like the “chudail” in the featured photograph!
Clearly PK-11 was the toughest contest so far. It was on the verge of being scrapped/ deferred as no one had got anywhere close to the correct answer till this morning. Everyone seemed to have got waylaid by Mallika (perhaps because of her longish facial features) leading to countless hilarious situations.

Congratulations, Monthi Serrao!

At one point, she got so cheesed off with every second member peering closely at her eyes, neck, lips and nose that she began to actually pitch for herself.

Fehmida caught in a swirl of suspicion

“Look, even I have given my own name,” she lied during an impromptu pre-dawn meet in the China Hut today.
The result however, has not gone down well with a section of the Club. For one, many like Santosh Tyagi just cannot fathom why a Muslim girl should wear a mangal sutra in the photograph – much as Fehmida assured her that she has no problem with it. For another, some like Srichand Arora and Razia Khan argue that they “do not know” about members of the recently integrated yoga group, of which Fehmida is a part. Well, ignorance can never be an excuse. After all, the sole aim and purpose behind instituting the Pehchaan Kaun contest is to ensure that we get to know one another and interact better.
Kiran Prakash:
Congratulations, Monthi!
Razia Khan:
Whatever happened today was absolutely wrong, whether anyone accepts it or not. Earlier it was decided that a person who wants to become a member of Big Laaf should come to the Garden regularly for at least three months. Only then would he/she be accepted as a member. But never mind.
We came to know that 10 new members were included in the Big Laaf family. But who are the 10 new members? How many people know their names?

Razia Khan

Were they introduced to other members? This is not ignorance but lack of information parted to other members. How will one interact with one another unless and until all the new members are introduced with the older ones?
The word "politics" used by Monthi for me hurt very badly. What politics did I do? You all know me since 6-7 years. Have I ever played politics? Now I would like to make a humble request to Arora-ji and Jagmohan-ji that they should call new members and introduce them to all others of the Big Laaf family.
Big Laaf replies:
Razia Khan has raised three valid points, obviously out of a deep sense of hurt. We hold her in very high regard and surely, she deserves an explanation:
(i) Eligibility for membership arises after one month (and not three months) subject to (a) approval of the managing committee and (b) ratification/ no-objection of the general body.
(ii) The new members inducted are from the erstwhile yoga group. This decision was not taken clandestinely or even by the Managing Committee. It was a unanimous decision taken by all members at the last general body meeting on December 13, 2014 (ref post New Merger). Sadly, Razia was absent at that meeting.
(iii) Introduction of "new" members is a good idea, if they are strangers. We don't admit strangers. The yoga group has been with us for almost a decade. Besides, when was the last time any "member" was introduced to us? This could be humiliating to any self-respecting individual who has been known to us for years. Critically, none of these issues would have arisen had Razia also attended the meeting on December 13, 2014.

Random Pot Shots

Kiran Prakash obliges with his mobile

Even after nine days, there is yet no clarity on the person featured in the eleventh edition of the Pehchaan Kaun guessing game announced last-to-last Sunday (ref post of January 18). With one day remaining for the announcement of results, the Club witnessed hectic activity this morning as several hitherto reticent members made last ditch efforts to unravel her identity.

Mallika Kagzi being 'sized' up!

Kiran Prakash helpfully displayed her b&w mug shot on his mobile phone for the benefit of those who came in late and himself took a shot in the dark by naming Nahid Khan as his prime suspect. Srichand Arora targeted Mallika Kagzi. And Razia Khan switched from Mallika to Geeta Sardana, only to revise it to Ruksana Khan within minutes and then modifying it to “either of the two”! So take your pick.
Clearly, nobody is getting any wiser. But amid all this confusion, one name being mentioned most frequently is that of Mallika. Shekhawat did the unimaginable by producing a tailoring inch-tape with him to ‘measure’ her top to toe (one of the questions to be answered is to mention the height of the person) – so confident was he about his hunch.

Peering into images from Ajanta-Ellora

Within seconds, Santosh Tyagi made away with the tape and held one end just above Mallika’s head while Jagmohan Papneja and Sunita Jajodia quickly scrambled on the ground to grab the other end of the tape.
They got the ‘measurement’ they wanted, but Mallika simply could not get over the absurdity of it all. “They even fell at my feet, can you imagine!” she was to exclaim, while narrating how she literally jumped out her skin on finding so many people with a measuring tape around her. But Shekhawat cried foul, saying that was no way to measure anybody’s height; though he himself did not dare to take any chances with Mallika, even if were to be the right way!
Meanwhile, Bhaswati Bose held durbar with her laptop, flicking images from a recent trip to Daulatabad and Ajanta-Ellora (ref pics of January 25). She, along with Monthi Serrao, Fehmida Khan and Naseem Khan have returned from the three-day excursion last Sunday and at the request of Harbans Kaur and others, the photographs were played out to a largely female audience in the China Hut. From all appearances, they had had a gala time out there.
Bihari Milwani:
Answer to Pehchaan Kaun 11: Ruksana, photograph taken at the age of 17 years, she has 3 children and her height now is 5'8".
A:
The enthusiasm of all members to find out the correct answer to Pechaan Kaun show their eagerness to win the trophy. Hale them! Good luck!

Republic Day 2015

Celebrations begin with singing the national anthem

Srichand Arora came personifying the national tricolor – saffron T-shirt, white shorts and green shoes. Earlier, Mallika Kagzi set the tone of the morning by pinning tiny metallic badges of the Indian flag on all present. And when Shekhawat did the customary salute, followed by everyone singing the national anthem, the Republic Day celebrations were under way.
With a medley of patriotic songs blaring out of Harish Wadhwa’s speakers, our senior-most member Tara Chand Seth led the traditional march around the Garden – the flag repeatedly changing hands along the way. We leave you with a collage of images of the celebrations this year…

Tara Chand Seth leads the march

The traditional Big Laaf march on every national day

Holding the tricolor aloft

Mallika pins a flag on the
chest of Yusuf Rassiwala

Hari Singh Shekhawat
salutes the national flag

Refreshments after the march

Srichand Arora: in national colors

Dance and bonhomie with patriotic songs

Section of club members and guests

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
The gusto, enthusiasm and smiling faces of all the members revealed the respect they have in celebrating a national day. Really fantastic and befitting.

Day 1538

Pic(s) of the Week

How four ladies ended up at the wrong Taj Mahal!!!

Lt Col Angad Singh (Retd):
The photos are good. But it would have been better if the names of the places and the occasion had been mentioned, especially for the benefit of new members.
Kiran Prakash:
The icon of health, happiness and fun -- the BIG LAAF BLUE CAP -- travels to Ajanta, Ellora and Aurangabad.
Srichand Arora:
Wow! Lovely small group and lovely pictures.

Flag Must Fly High!

Animated discussions on Republic Day celebration 

Shekhawat found himself isolated today. It would be Republic Day the day-after tomorrow and with an intervening Sunday, the responsibility of organizing the celebration in the Garden fell upon his slender shoulders this morning. All the other Club biggies, including Srichand Arora, Monthi Serrao and Yusuf Rassiwala were conspicuous by their absence. Jagmohan Papneja came, but left early.
To make matters worse, a group of ladies suggested that we cut short the exercises on Monday so as to enable members to migrate to the neighboring Garden No 2/ Celebration Club where R-Day is celebrated on a very grand scale. Some even mentioned that the food and refreshments offered there were much more sumptuous than the spartan fare we dished out last year.
This sounded blasphemous, particularly to newer members like Kiran Prakash, Angad Singh and Mallika Kagzi. Shekhawat also realized that what was being indirectly suggested was that we stop our R-Day celebrations – all because we cannot afford to match the resources of Celebration Club. “So what exactly do you want?” he asked. “Why don’t you be more specific?”
During the discussion that followed, fortunately a majority of members felt that we should keep our tradition alive and stick to our means regardless of how other clubs celebrated.

Santosh Tyagi

Tara Chand Seth

“Big or small, we must celebrate here in the Garden,” Nahid Khan opined. “After that we can go to the other Garden or anywhere else.”
Razia Khan pointed out that from the Club, we have been celebrating both the national days -- Republic Day and Independence Day – without fail every year and this must not stop. Still, those who want to go elsewhere, they should not be stopped. That being the general consensus, Shekhawat assigned Arun Patil to arrange for refreshments on Monday while Harish Wadhwa was sounded to bring along his music system and collection of patriotic songs. Arora would be requested to come with the national tricolor.
In all this, many did not notice that Tara Chand Seth and Santosh Tyagi were back for the exercises after a long hiatus. Both have not been keeping well, Tara Chand having undergone a hernia operation recently. But he is “absolutely fine” now, as he says. Santosh was down with viral fever for a fortnight and strangely, nobody got to know among us. She hasn’t recovered yet, but came to the Garden because she was “getting bored” at home.
Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
It is a healthy sign that our old colleagues are back after sickness. The credit goes to the Club and its members. The club has a magnetic charm to keep the flock together. The members are certainly right to suggest that we should celebrate national events in a fitting manner.
Jagmohan Papneja:
Big Laaf resembles India in many ways - a mix of cultures, languages and religions. As usual, we all will be celebrating Republic day on 26th of January at Garden No 4. Immediately after the laughter session, a flag raising ceremony will be held. This will be followed by patriotic songs. There will be a small parade around the Garden by not only Big Laaf members but also daily visitors to the Garden. Then would come the moment to exchange greetings and distribution of refreshments. After that, those interested may proceed to Garden No 2/ Celebration Club to participate in big events.

‘Dance Class’

Isharon Isharon Mein...

All those who came for Arora’s sake yesterday (ref post) were absent today. Arora himself did not come. And of those who were present – particularly, with Razia Khan in the middle, Shekhawat at his friskiest best and O.P.Nayyar’s music in the air – what could we have this morning, but a "dance class".
That was the expression Banoo Apa had used to describe the atmosphere of carefree abandon during the exercises today, triggered mainly by the foot-tapping numbers playing on Arun Patil’s music box. Shekhawat simply could not hold himself. He was desperately looking for a dance partner and at one point, had even drawn Swati Punjabi in for company. The moment Razia arrived, Swati was promptly banished from the scene!
Together, Shekhawat and Razia set the floor in motion, repeatedly criss-crossing the circle and interrupting the exercises while the rest of us clapped lustily to songs like ‘Isharon Isharon Mein’ and ‘Tarif Karun Kya Uski’.
Nobody knows if there is a name to the dances Shekhawat and Razia performed. But it must be said that both are extremely nimble-footed for their age and blessed with a terrific sense of rhythm.

"What kind of mard are you? You are not a man!"

If Shekhawat was flailing his arms and galloping at one spot, Razia mimicked the stop-start moonwalk, lip-synching and moving off at a tangent. And then it was Shekhawat’s turn to glide away in another direction and Razia, left mid-step, arms out-stretched like an aeroplane, had no option but to resume the exercises.
It was all so spontaneous and hilarious – even if the ghosts of O.P.Nayyar, Mohammad Rafi and Shammi Kapoor would have been cursing us from above. But like all good things it had to end and the focus shifted to Bijoy Gupta, who arrived at the closing minutes of the session. Shekhawat apparently has given up on extracting Rs100,000 from him and came up with a new name for Gupta. “You are not even a man,” he said angrily. “You are Zero Chairman!”
It hardly made a difference to Gupta.
Jagmohan Papneja:
Shekhawat-ji's dance style reflects his true personality. He starts dancing and jumping when he hears on a hit tune. This makes him a unique person, different from others.

Pre-Platinum Jubilee

Next year, on this day, Srichand Arora shall be celebrating the platinum jubilee of his life. Today, on his 74th birthday, we got a foretaste of the celebration in the China Hut with the entire Club and his friends and acquaintances in the Garden jostling about to wish him on the occasion.

Greeting the guests

Memento from Bihari Milwani

Arora turned out in a smart belted black-on-black combo towards the end of the exercises, but just in time to be greeted by the fourth laughter -- customarily reserved for the birthday boy. He was late today, having been on a shopping spree of phapda-jalebi and dhokla -- his favorite treat whenever he has to celebrate. Bihari Milwani was already there, waiting with a beautiful laminated memento, specially crafted for the birthday. Mallika Kagzi brought flaskfuls of tea, but Arun Patil had separately placed orders with a popular chai shop in Goregaon.

Kajal Babani stuffs a dhokla

Playing the hospitable host

And since Arora had over-estimated the guest list, once again it was a matter of over abundance – of too much too soon. Even the watchman and the gardener and the milkman and their fathers and great grandfathers partook in the eats and tea.
Pity, his wife, Kiran Arora could not be there to witness all this. Yesterday, she had taken a strong cortisone shot for her arthritic knee and was in no condition to stir out of home. Usually the first two or three days of taking the injection are excruciatingly painful. As Arora disclosed later, she “was feeling quite guilty for not coming” this morning. Nothing can make him happier now should she recover fully from her pain and is back on her feet. That shall be the best birthday gift for Srichand Arora.
Kiran Prakash:
It was really a founder's birthday show. The enthusiasm of members greeting Arora-ji clearly spoke of the love and admiration he commands. I too, Arora-ji, once again wish you a healthy, happy and long life. And may you continue to serve humanity. I find it difficult not to mention Arun Patil here. During all such occasions he has been there to assist in every possible way and make an event memorable. We love you Arun.
Jagmohan Papneja:
Well, Arora-ji, you are another year older and have not changed one bit. That's great because you are perfect as ever in all respects. Wishing you good health, wealth, happiness and just about everything you desire. Happy Birthday, my great friend.
Harish Wadhwa:
Happy Budday, Arora-ji. Hope you have a blast tonight and may you have many healthy and wonderful years ahead. Treat toh hum kabhi bhi le lenge, aakhir hum bhi Badmaash Company wale hain!
Dilip Babani:
Happy Birthday, dearest Arora-ji. God bless you. Good nasta and chai!
Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Dear Arora-ji, wishing you again a very happy, healthy and enjoyable year ahead. It was an enjoyable treat. Waiting for the Platnium Jubilee. Some members who have joined after completion of the platinum year of age may also be considered - although belatedly.

Simple Pleasures

Hari Narayanani (centre) is amused at his own joke

Hari Narayanani made an appearance today. It’s been nearly six months since he showed up last. Unknown to us, he’s relocated to Vasai and had just come by, visiting his old neighborhood in Lokhandwala. He strayed into the Garden for old time’s sake, turning up with the Club cap perched proudly on his head. Coincidentally, he was also wearing a green t-shirt like the rest of us.
But that’s not the point. Hari Narayanani narrated a joke about three young men who were served drinks on an international flight: “The first man emptied his glass and turned it upside down. The second man’s glass was half empty. And the third finished his drink and kept the glass rolling sideways!”
The joke stops there. Abruptly. While the rest of us wondered whether we had missed anything, Hari-bhai kept laughing his head off – so much so that he had to narrate the joke thrice, each time choking with laughter.

Khatoon Baig: Get well soon!

This was much like Shekhawat and his “ekaantwaas” jokes (in a make-believe gurukul), or as it was today, rejoicing at the count of 12 men and 12 women attending the exercises. Or perhaps Bijoy Gupta day-dreaming about becoming Club chairman some day. Or say, the ladies joking with Nahid Khan being a bhai (as in underworld don), which only they understand and appreciate.
But still, we laugh. There is a charming innocence about all these wise cracks which only kids would understand. Others may dismiss them as signs of senility, little realizing that humor can also be derived from simple-mindedness. You don't have to be clever or over-smart to draw a laugh. Like us, you’ve got to revisit your childhood to appreciate this and enjoy the simple rib-ticklers of life. We even laugh when others laugh, not knowing why.
Incidentally, there’s news from Khatoon Baig. She has returned from Umrah but is down with severe asthma. She was already suffering from a bronchial problem and it only got worse due to the harsh climatic conditions during her pilgrimage. Sadly, she did not seek medical help then and by the time she returned home on January 17, she was in deep distress -- in pain and breathlessness. The worst part was she could not find relief immediately. She had to change her doctor twice in three days and now, she says she feels a “little better”. She sends her good wishes to all in the Garden.
Jagmohan Papneja:
Hari-bhau Narayanani is a master at telling jokes. Today I can imagine the funniest moment when he cracked a joke and no one laughed. As an expert, he confuses everyone by this act. It is typical of Hari-bhau.
Harish Wadhwa:
* Quick recovery to Khatoon-ji. May God bless her with good health. She just has to come to the garden and chat with her old friends. Asthama will be gone. Asthma happens when women are unable to talk to their garden friends after a long duration. Long duration defined as "more than a couple of days".
* I must point out that the tonds (bloated stomachs) of the gentlemen seem to be competing and joking with each other. Men are oblivious to this talking. The picture speaks for itself.

Red Herrings

Usual Suspects: Ruksana Khan and Mallika Kagzi (left)

Razia Khan brandishes the b&w printout

Confusion reigns supreme as the suspense over the identity of the lady featured in the latest edition of Pehchaan Kaun (ref last Sunday’s post) gets curioser and curioser. Razia Khan took upon herself to unravel the mystery and accosted every likely member with a black-and-white printout of the photograph of the ‘mystery woman’ – even as Bihari Milwani sounded a word of warning, “You cannot even be sure this is a woman!”
Arun Patil sat with the printout to “study” the photograph and after an intricate process of masking with his fingers the forehead, then the eyes, lips and nose came to the conclusion that it had to be Ruksana Khan in her childhood – all because the features bear close resemblance with those of her daughter. Almost immediately, he changed his opinion for Kiran Arora, wife of Srichand Arora. The latter pondered awhile and declared, in his infinite wisdom that “this cannot be the picture of a Mohammedan woman” because she appears to be wearing a mangal sutra.
Meanwhile, Jagmohan Papneja has been harping since yesterday that she is none other than the “lady who serves us tea”. In fact, Mallika Kagzi happens to be the prime suspect along with Ruksana because of their “longish face” though everybody concedes that details like the ears, nose and eyes suggest otherwise. Mallika herself has been protesting that she could never have been “so dark” in her wildest dreams but nobody wants to believe her. In the end, she asked what all this drama was about and Razia had to explain, “Whoever gets to identify the woman correctly will be awarded a trophy from the Club.” Mallika could not believe her ears. “My goodness,” she exclaimed. “You are doing all this, just for one toffee? Are you people out of your mind?”
Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
To find out the name of the lady in the picture is a major tease. However, we understand some members are past masters in arriving at the correct answer. Good luck to them. To me, she appears to be Mallika Kagzi. She has two children. Her age at the time of the photo appears to be 18 years.
Jagmohan Papneja:
Of late, scientists have developed a software which supposedly predicts how a childhood photo will look as an adult. This discovery should help in 'missing persons' cases. In view of this development, the Pehchaan Kaun contest will have to undergo some modifications.
Bihari Milwani:
The photo is of Mrs Sheela Mirani. It was taken when she was around 17 years. Her height is 5'6". She has one child.

Marathon Man

Kiran Prakash

Mallika serves nankhatai and tea 

If proof be ever required of holistic health, look at this picture on the right. Here is a 65-year-old man who, at the crack of dawn yesterday, put on his running shoes and had cut across to the other end of town to join some 40,000-odd fitness fiends on the Mumbai Marathon, near Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus (CST).
There were no prizes for the Senior Citizen Run category he took part in, but surely, he stands out as a living inspiration to those of us who cannot undertake a 100 metre sprint, even if our lives depended on it.
“It was just a 4.3 km distance,” said Kiran Prakash modestly, trying to underplay his feat. “Besides, it was not so much of a run or a race, as a hurried walk.

Mumtaz Jahan serves gulab-jamuns

But more than anything, it was the joy of participation… being part of a mammoth gathering on a bright Sunday morning.”
In Prakash’s estimate, he would probably have covered around seven kilometers because in addition to the 4.3 km “official stretch”, there was a good deal of extra walking the participants had to do in and around Azad Maidan which was unaccounted for. “But no complaints,” he added dismissively. “Next year I intend to persuade my son to take part, at least in the six kilometer Dream Run.”
On our part, we were content with stuffing ourselves after the exercises with Mallika Kagzi’s nankhatai from her recent trip to Surat, followed by hot tea as usual. And if that were not enough, Mumtaz Jahan showed up with a box of syrupy gulab-jamuns in myriad colours from a trip to Delhi. At this rate, any hope of our ever taking part in even a micro-mini marathon can well be dismissed as a distant pipe dream – at least for this life.
Kiran Prakash:
I am feeling embarrassed. It was really no big deal. In fact, all of us can run in the marathon easily. I am happy that Bhaswati-ji and Monthi-ji have already planned to do so and told me to organise it. I shall request everybody to join next year. It will be real fun. As a matter of fact, my son has participated in the Half Marathon i.e. 21.1 km and I intend to promote myself to the 6 km Dream Run next year on Sunday, 17th January. Thank you very much for the encouragement. It has given me a new impetus. Also thanks Mallika-ji and Mumtaz-ji for the treat.
Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Hats off to Kiran Parkash-ji. He has done a great honour to the Club by participating in the marathon. It is certainly an inspiration as some of the members were enquiring as to when names are to be sent for participating next year. This shows how health-conscious our members are. Light refreshments after the daily Club routine are welcome. Mumtaz-ji has to brief us on her experiences in Kashmir.
Jagmohan Papneja:
Walking and laughing are free, and the best medicine available. Similarly different eatables are freely available after the exercises. Whether these would neutralise the effect of the medicine or further our enjoyment, only time will tell.

Day 1531

Pehchaan Kaun - 11

This could be tough. 
You have 10 days, starting today, to identify this lady (Clue: We meet her almost every morning for the exercises) and answer three basic questions:
* At what age was this photograph taken?
* How many children does she have?
* What is her height now?
The nearest all-correct entry stands to win a sparkling crystal glass trophy, as per the Big Laaf tradition. 
In the event of a tie, the winner shall be decided by a toss of the coin or draw of lots. You may submit as many entries as you please, but the last one will count. 
So get started. Your time starts now.
Please Note: THIS EXERCISE IS MEANT TO HELP YOU KNOW YOUR MEMBERS BETTER AND HAVE SOME FUN ON THE SIDE; NOT TO STIR ANY MISCHIEF.
Kiran Prakash:
A new member like me should be helped discreetly to win this contest. This will encourage me to be loyal to the club and contribute my best. I swear, the good deed will be kept a complete secret and will also be reciprocated at the earliest.

Razia Khan:
She is Mallika (Amina). Her height is around 5'5". She has two sons. Her age would have been around 20 years when the pic was taken.

Jagmohan Papneja:
I believe she is Malika (Amena) Kagzi. Her height is 5'6" and she has two sons. The photo pertains to the time when she was 20 years old.

Razia Khan adds:
Name: Sunita; Height: 5'4"; 1 son; and Age: 20-22

COMMENTS RECEIVED ORALLY:

* Nahid Khan: She is Mallika. She was 25 years then. Height: 5'6". Don't know about children.

* Sunita Jajodia: She must be Kiran Sajjan. Age 18years, height 5 ft and she has 3 children.

* Arun Patil: She has to be Kiran Arora and she was 21 years then. Her height is 5'1" and she has 3 children.

* Srichand Arora: She looks like Mallika and she was 16 years then. Her height is 5'5". She has 2 sons.

* Kiran Prakash: She should be Nahid Khan. She has 6 kids and her height is 5'2". She was 22 years when photograph was taken.

* Razia Khan: I change my opinion. She is Geeta Sardana -- 2 children, 5'2" and 20 years at that time... No, she is Ruksana. She has 3 children, her height is 5'7" and she was 20 years when the photograph was taken... No, she must be Geeta. Choose whatever you think fits correctly!

* Ruksana Khan: She is Mallika, 5'6", 2 sons; 20 years

* Hari Singh Shekhawat: Mallika/ 5'6"/ 2 sons/ 20 years

* Mallika Kagzi: Nahid Khan/ 6 kids/ 5'2"/ 20 years

* Santosh Tyagi: Mallika/ 2 kids/ 5'6"/ 22 years

* Ram Shankar Shukla: Mallika/ 20 years/ 2 kids/ 5'6"

* Naseem Khan: Nahid Khan/ 5'2"/ 6 children/ 18 years

* Sitaram Hivarkar: Mallika/ 5'6"/ 3 kids/ 20 years

COMMENTS RECEIVED ON A SLIP OF PAPER:

* Monthi Serrao: She is Fehmida Khan; 22 years; she has 2 children; Her height in 5'2"

And the winner is MONTHI SERRAO!

Congratulations!!!

FOR DETAILS SWITCH TO POST OF JANUARY 28, 2015

Grand Party

BANOO KHAN (in turquoise blue): HOSTESS OF THE MOSTEST

* That was one khatarnak nashta!”
* “I managed three helpings of gajar-ka-halwa!!”
* “Those who did not come today would be cursing their luck!!!”
These were snatches of comments from various guests who attended Banoo Apa’s grand party this morning. It was in celebration of her daughter, Rakshanda Khan being blessed with a baby girl, Anaya. And from all accounts, it was not mother, but the ‘grandmother’ of all parties we have ever had in the Garden.
From vada-pao and samosas to jalebis, dhokla, fried spring rolls, dry kachori, at least four different types of crispy, saboo-dana chips and rounded off with gajar-ka-halwa for dessert, it seemed as though Banoo Apa had raided a few confectionery shops in Lokhandwala to come up with such a lavish spread. Only someone with a whale’s appetite could have polished all of it together.

Helping hands

Section of guests

And on top, there was a choice of orange drink and tea. Little wonder, everyone was seen carrying ‘dog bags’ of whatever could not be consumed – that too provided by Banoo Apa.
In between, word got around that the breakfast bash would be followed by lunch at 1:00 p.m. sharp in the China Hut. Many took it seriously, wondering aloud whether to stick around till then or rush home, deposit their ‘loot’, freshen up and trudge back in time for a potential ‘great-grandmother’ of all fiestas.

Many THANKS!

Dividing the loot?

Fortunately wise counsel prevailed and restraint got the better of greed.
In all this abundance, if there was anything missing, it was the presence of Rakshanda and her wonderful hubby Sachin Tyagi. (We were at their wedding). Of course, it would have been too much to expect Anaya also to be out on a chilly January morning in the Garden. But all our blessings go to her as our good wishes shall remain with her proud parents. And Banoo Apa, words are inadequate to express our gratitude. It was really too much of a good thing.
Jagmohan Papneja:
I feel event management companies should have been present to understand what a perfect and enjoyable party can be all about. Thanks once again for such a grand party. May God bless Anaya, her parents and grand parents.
Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Indeed it was a sumptuous party. There were plenty of eats and of good quality. Most of the members carried the sweets home. A remarkable feast. I pray for the good health of the child, her parents and grand parents. The graceful and elegant hostess, Mrs Banoo really took a lot of trouble in arranging such a grant treat to be remembered for a long time. Incumbent Chairman, please note.
Kiran Prakash:
Thank you very much, Banoo. We all love you, Anaya. God bless you. A word of caution: We all should get our home kitchens CLOSED for the day if any such occasion arises in future. Once again, thank you Banoo. We are overwhelmed.