Retired Hurt

Nahid Khan (c) relaxes with light yoga exercises in the China Hut

For the first time ever, Nahid Khan abandoned the exercises – even before we could start. “I cannot bear the heat anymore,” she said, excusing herself. “I need to be in the shade. Or else I’ll collapse.”
Nahid is known to be a toughie – tougher and fitter than any man in the Club – which perhaps explains why she is addressed by the male honorific, “Bhai”. Long after we are done with our exercises every day, she can be seen still working out in the Garden with a harder set of exercises, all by herself.
“I did not want to take any chances today,” she said lightheartedly later, relaxing under a fan in the China Hut with some elementary breathing exercises. “People will fall ill in this heat. Never have I felt so giddy... as though I would pass out any moment.”
Those of us who survived the exercises from start to finish could only thank our stars for being able to put up with the ordeal. Santosh Tyagi said that for the past two days, she was all dressed and ready to leave for the Garden in the morning, only to retrace her steps home upon seeing the blazing sun.

Shekhawat (l) tries his best to convince Gupta... in vain

Today, for the best part, she remained seated on a bench with Shanti Singh and a few others.
Fahmida Khan informed that after two days of Ramzaan, she has had to stop observing roza on doctor’s advice. “Fasting is no longer feasible for me,” she said, guzzling water furiously from a plastic bottle. “Today there’s no breeze even. I’m going home right away."
The surest indication of the heat taking its toll is the way people simply evaporate after the exercises. Nobody hangs around for jokes and gossip these days. Everybody seems to be in a tearing hurry to get the hell out of the Garden, earlier the better.
Still, Shekhawat and Bijoy Gupta decided to stay back and rib each other for a while. Today, their subject of tomfoolery was a medical prescription Shekhawat was carrying. Gupta, who was not wearing his glasses, insisted that the paper was anything but a doctor’s prescription and challenged Shekhawat to read out the names of the medicines. “Who knows whose addresses and telephone numbers you are carrying in that paper?” he said, driving Shekhawat hopping mad.
It is from such mindless leg-pulling that we are able to derive some entertainment -- even in adverse circumstances.
Bihari Milwani:
People evaporate immediately after the exercises not for the heat, but because there are no parties nowadays!
Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
One must respect weather and age. Weather takes precedence over age. It is no use being foolhardy. Expose yourself to the weather according to your physical condition to avoid getting hurt later on.

Lost and Found

Bijoy Gupta (l) is completely confused over the loss of his house keys 

Last year, we had put up a racy, 20-minute skit on our Annual Day function (ref post of September 10, 2016). Called Sone Ka Haar, it was about a missing gold chain and how, in a curious comedy of errors, the Club gets involved searching for it. The play ends in an anti-climax as the owner (played by Santosh Tyagi) eventually finds the damn thing!
Today, life imitated art. Bijoy Gupta reported early morning that he had lost his house keys in the Garden yesterday and were it not for his wife having a duplicate set, he would have been locked out. He had searched high and low, but to no avail. Siba Prasad Maitra warned Gupta that this was no laughing matter

Childish glee on getting back his keys

and for all he knew, the finder of the keys would one day, ransack his house.
So the search began. But scouring the Garden for two tiny keys (“one for the outer door, another for the inner door”,

Gupta quizzes the watchman

as Gupta explained) was akin to searching for a needle in a haystack. Before long, the search narrowed down to the spot where Gupta did his ‘uchhal kood’ yesterday, as Maitra put it (see post). Drawing a blank there also, Gupta relapsed into mimicking Dilip Kumar once again, completely forgetting about the lost keys.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, the keys materialised before Gupta’s eyes. The Garden watchman had found them lying around yesterday and kept them securely. The way Gupta’s face lit up on finding his keys was a sight to behold. So pleased was he that he promptly announced a lassi treat for everyone today. Kiran Prakash tried to dissuade him, saying that getting a new set of keys made would probably work out more economical. But Gupta was insistent. He was thrilled to bits, so much so that after the lassi, he wanted to take us for tea!
Maitra was to have last word. “Whatever happens, happens for the good,” he said, tongue firmly in cheek.
Bihari Milwani:
Now Bijoy Gupta knows where to find his keys the next time he loses them.

Happy Turnout

Exercises in progress today morning

Bijoy Gupta (in striped t-shirt) emulates Dilip Kumar with dramatic flourish

Belying general apprehensions, nearly 20 of us turned up for the exercises today. The rigors of fasting during Ramzaan did not deter the likes of Yusuf Rassiwala, Khatoon Baig, Naseer Putani Shah and Nahid Khan from reporting to the Garden. Over and above, Siba Prasad Maitra (who was away for nearly a month) and Shanti Singh (who had gone visiting relatives and childhood friends in Nepal) resurfaced today, looking fresh and upbeat.
One reason for the heartening turnout was a sudden improvement in weather conditions this morning. The sky was overcast for a major part and it even drizzled for a while before the exercises began. The cloud cover did raise humidity levels, but with occasional gusts of wind blowing across, we did not have to sweat it out much. Even after the sky had cleared and the sun came out, discomfort from the humidity was minimal. Exercising was a breeze.
In keeping with the unusually pleasant atmosphere, Bijoy Gupta was in his elements, regaling us with selected (read popular) dialogues from Dilip Kumar’s films. We have always known Gupta to be a good mimic, but not many are aware that he is also an ardent Dilip Kumar fan, having watched all his films many times over. His account of the “first and last meeting with his idol in flesh and blood” at his Bandra home by itself makes for a hilarious story. But that can wait.
Today, Gupta focused on the thespian’s lines from the 1960 historical epic, Mughal-E-Azam. It was astonishing how, more than half a century later, Gupta still has every scene from the film committed to memory – together with the exact dialogues, nuance, inflection, pause and words uttered by the principal characters. So much so, he went on to also deliver Prithviraj Kapoor’s lines, tone perfect, much to our infinite amazement.
Incidentally, Gupta is not Net savvy and does not even know how to source film clips from You Tube.
Karun Sharma:
Bijoy Gupta is our star performer. I missed his performance today. I wonder if he delivers those romantic dialogues to Pushpa-ji -- his Anarkali.
Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
A number of colleagues who were away for quite some time have come back from their sojourn. This is a healthy sign. It proves that people are enthusiastic about their attendance these days.

DAY 2258

Pic of the Week

AIR BORNE! BUT WHAT KIND OF AERIAL COMBAT IS THIS?

Very good competition. Both are looking smart and young. Lagey raho... --Dilip Babani

A new bromance in the making? --Bhaswati Bose

This is only a new style of shaking hands. We have been researching to find a handshake that generates Happy Energy... Thank you, Big Laaf family. --Karun Sharma

'Yeh dosti hum nahin torenge, Torenge dum magar, Tera saath na chhorenge...' from the latest blockbuster, Big Laaf --Bihari Milwani

Kiran-ji and Karun-ji are both masters in their own way at keeping fit. One is a 'master of tai chi' and the other is a 'life coach'. --Yusuf Rassiwala

Ramzaan Eve

Banoo Apa's tea party

Bihari Milwani was spot on when he predicted that “on Saturday, attendance will be full at the end of the exercises – just to attend the tea party hosted by Banoo Apa” (ref comments on post of May 25). In fact, it had got so crowded towards the end of the exercises today that there was no way we could dodge the advancing shafts of sun rays in the Garden.
At one point, Yusuf Rassiwala could not suppress his concern when the late-comers continued to crop up.

Shekhawat is dressed to kill

“They are still pouring in,” he alerted us, visibly alarmed.
Milwani simply smiled.
Banoo Apa too was unflustered. She had obviously come prepared for them also – with (two huge flaskfuls of) tea and abundant slices of fruit cake. No one knows better how food can be the most powerful magnet at drawing people to the Garden. After all, today was the third day in succession that she was feeding the Club, absolutely gratis.
There was another reason for today’s overcrowding. The first roja (fasting) of Ramzaan will be observed tomorrow (Sunday) and thereafter, for a month, Banoo Apa will not be turning up. Consequently, there’d be no tea, no fruit cakes, no lassi, no… nothing for us.

Pre-Ramzaan gathering... soaking in the sun

We will also perforce have to abstain from all goodies during the month.
Fact is, nearly half our members would be observing roja and most likely, taking a break for Ramzaan. Attendance for the exercises is bound to drop from Monday. In that sense, today’s gathering was a get-together of sorts, replete with a fourth celebratory laugh after the exercises, followed by a chorus of “Ramzaan Mubarak!”.
Shekhawat appealed to all “to be punctual from Monday” (to keep the numbers up) and even threatened to barge into the homes of habitual late-comers. The funny part was that he had turned up, all suited-booted, ready to go for his routine medical check-up at Colaba. Midway through the exercises he realised it was Saturday today and his doctor would not be there. Apparently he shows up only on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
As usual, Bijoy Gupta smelled a rat. “There must be a lady doctor out there,” he concluded. “Why else should Shekhawat be so eager to go to Colaba today itself?”
Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
The crowd is quite joyous when there are eats. Everyone knows Ramzaan means no festivity during the month. Attendance is likely to be thin during the ensuing days.
Karun Sharma:
It was an 'achievement' for me to observe the first roja. Big Laaf is much bigger than any religion. When Yusuf-bhai joins us for surya pranam, he not only stands for something but also serves to encourage many of us. I love Big Laaf.

Triple Treat

Banoo Apa with box of barfi

Razia Khan and Tahira flag off today's celebrations

Treats are meant to make people happy. When the treat is unexpected, you become doubly happy. And when there are three unexpected treats in a row, one following the other, you cannot but be ecstatic.
Such was our state of mind when Razia Khan, Banoo Apa and Geeta Latte brought upon us this windfall soon after the exercises this morning.
Razia came (as we were wrapping up) with daughter-in-law Tahira whose 21st wedding anniversary it was today.

Tahira with box of luddoos

She had got a box of luddoos to celebrate the occasion. Her hubby, Sarfaraaz could not attend though, as he is in Pune.
As for the indefatigable Banoo Apa, here is one person who does not need a reason to celebrate.

Geeta Latte celebrates her return from Goa with jackfruit leather

Evidently, her life is a never-ending celebration. So today was yet another day (ref yesterday’s post) when she “just felt like” carrying a box of barfis to celebrate with us in the Garden.
And then we had Geeta treating us to jackfruit leather, a rare delicacy she picked up from a visit to her native village in Goa earlier this week. (Mango leather or aam papad is common, but whoever heard of a jackfruit version?) “What makes it so special is that no artificial sweetener is used in its preparation,” Geeta pointed out. At this rate, we are getting educated on food also.
Bihari Milwani:
This is like some 'stock clearance sale'. All types of parties are on before the fasting month (Ramzaan) begins.
Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Wow! Hurrah to the three 'lady musketeers' for co-jointly celebrating the pre-Ramzaan festivities. Enjoy the celebration and also keep laughing.

Vacation Time

l to r: Alvia, Ali and Eram with Nahid Khan

It is vacation time in Mumbai. With schools and colleges shut, children have started streaming into the Garden, transforming the place into a beautiful fairyland of color and gay abandon. It seemed as though spring was back with them, notwithstanding the oppressive heat and humidity of the morning. The energy these kids bring with them was quite in variance to the dark and somber mood of us oldies – happily relegated to being mute spectators from the side benches and walking track.
Nahid Khan’s grandchildren – Alvia, Eram and Ali – paid us a surprise visit and predictably, lost interest in us and our exercises within minutes. Alvia, the youngest of them, has the habit of picking faults and correcting us at every step. But today, she was rather restrained, having clearly outgrown the habit. At the bidding of their grandmother, the three kids withdrew to a bench and observed us from a distance, giggling to themselves. Before long, they were all over the place.
In this holiday atmosphere,

Banoo Apa (in blue) treats us to lassi, yet again

the only dampener was Shekhawat. He has been under the weather for the past few days, generally keeping to himself and remaining seated on a bench through long spells. He has also been in a hurry to leave the Garden the moment the exercises get over. Bijoy Gupta tried cheering him up today by informing that he consulted a tantrik last evening to get to the root of his problem. But Shekhawat was unmoved. This is quite unusual of him and has led to some speculation on the state of his health. Or maybe, it’s the heat taking its toll.
Meanwhile, our irrepressible Banoo Apa was back to treating us to lassi from home. The last time she did so, on Shab-e-Barat (ref post of May 12), we thought we had extracted a promise from her that the next treat will be only after Ramzaan. Today, she informed that she is still not done and despite protestations from Yusuf Rassiwala and others, would be treating us again on Saturday – “not to lassi, but tea”, as she put it.
Now, what can you say of such a person?
Bihari Milwani:
I am sure on Saturday, the attendance will be full at the end of the exercises -- just to attend the tea party hosted by Banoo Apa.
Geeta Latte:
This is masti ki pathshala -- a school for fun and frolic!
Karun Sharma:
And then we had a wonderful discussion on Dilip Kumar, Madhubala, Dev Anand, etc.

Scare Tactics

Shekhawat (c) is unusually cold towards Gupta

Fahmida Khan (l) buttonholes Bijoy Gupta

Bijoy Gupta met his match in Fahmida Khan this morning. Having failed to provoke Shekhawat enough during the exercises today, he was on his way out of the Garden when Fahmida stopped him at the Gate. Pointing at the gold chain around his neck, she tried to put the fear of God in him: “Don’t you know there are chain snatchers prowling around?”
Not one to be cowed down easily, Gupta dismissed Fahmida saying that he had already met many chain snatchers in the area. “The other day, right opposite my apartment complex these two guys stopped their motorbike in front of me and one of them got down,” he narrated. “I was wearing my sleeveless vest, displaying my body-shody. The gold chain was also prominently visible. I knew they were after it. I struck a threatening pose flexing my muscles and instantly, they started the bike and fled!”
Fahmida wasn’t impressed. She spun a tale of three women (which later became four) sitting on the footpath a few hundred metres down the street. “I know one of them drives an autorickshaw. But they all look very attractive. Any man will fall for their looks and the way they speak English. But the moment

Gupta continues to rave and rant about Shekhawat

you get talking to them, they would strike and you won’t even know when your chain is gone. Even women have fallen victims to them. So you need to warn your wife also!”
This time Gupta’s mouth dropped. He made some noises about wearing nakli gold, only to be told that the women will reappear next morning and give him a tight slap for fooling them with fake jewellery.
Getting slapped by a woman was obviously far more insulting than anything he had ragged Shekhawat about all morning. The odd part was that Shekhawat was unusually cold, just refusing to respond to all of Gupta’s raving and ranting today.
And here, Fahmida had stolen a march on him. Tightening the screws further, she informed Gupta that even our Razia Khan was robbed of her chain on the way to the Garden, just that she is too ashamed to admit it. “That was three months back,” Fahmida said. “Razia was still a kid then. So you too, better be careful now about your chain!”
Bihari Milwani:
Bengal Tiger got scared by Mumbai Lady? Unbelievable!

Another Big Bash

Cutting the birthday cake

Naheed Siddiqui

Close on the heels of Khatoon Baig last Saturday (ref post of May 20), it was Naheed Siddiqui’s turn to host another big bash in the Club this morning. But unlike Khatoon's advance party, it happened to be Naheed's birthday today. It also marked the last major birthday do before the Club relapses into a self-imposed ennui with the onset of Ramzaan later in the week.
Today’s celebration bore marked similarities with that of Khatoon’s, both in terms of scale and the lavish fare on offer – one significant addition being the birthday cake. Although comparisons would be odious, what cannot be overlooked is the consistent endeavor in many of us to outdo one another and raise the bar on spending with every celebration. This is rather unfortunate and uncalled for.
Gone are the days when we could rejoice simply on toffee and chocolates. At best, there used to be tea.

Razia Khan celebrates with luddoos

Today, there is invariably so much food (and beverages) circulating around that it is near impossible to consume the whole lot on the spot. Lest anything should go waste, ‘doggy bags’ are nowadays provided so that everybody carries their stuff home. This is our new norm.

Karun Sharma presents calendar

You show up, collect an overloaded plate, shove it all in a plastic bag and run.
In a way this makes sense because no time is lost on pleasantries. Today, many of us had to rush for the movie, Hindi Medium (ref yesterday’s post) and couldn’t waste time on the niceties of a birthday party.

Preparations ahead of the big party

Still, Naheed had brought herself a big cake, lit a candle and cut the cake with ceremony. This was the high point of today’s celebration.
Earlier in the morning, Karun Sharma presented her with the birthday calendar on behalf of the Club. And Shekhawat, as usual, led the birthday chorus, while Razia Khan and Mumtaz Jahan showered the birthday girl with personal gifts and good wishes. Our wishes were expressed by raising a ‘fourth laughter’ after the exercises, as per Big Laaf custom.
Incidentally, Razia had a small celebration of her own and she had brought a box of luddoos for us. It was her way of sharing her joy on the academic success of her two grandkids, Zayan and Shayan. Sadly, this got sidelined in the hubbub over Naheed’s birthday. Nonetheless, our hearty congratulations and blessings go to both the boys. May you continue to out-do yourselves every time.
Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Celebrating a birthday is an important event of the Club. Its sanctity should be maintained by all. Everyone must join the celebration. It is desirable that the items offered are consumed on the spot rather than be carried away in a poly bag.

Another Movie

Poster of Hindi Medium

As it is, heat and humidity have been playing spoilsport with us for long. If that were not enough, the IPL cricket final last night robbed us of yet another major chunk of our regular attendance for the exercises. Many like Arun Patil, Kiran Prakash and Bijoy Gupta, who stayed awake watching the match on TV well past midnight, either came late or did not show up in the morning. Yusuf Rassiwala could not keep his eyes open beyond 11:00 pm and learnt

Cash collection for booking tomorrow's morning show

about the match results only after coming to the Garden today. He is a supporter of Mumbai Indians and was mighty pleased that his team won the final – by one run and lifted the IPL Cup.
Somehow, none of that mattered this morning as a new movie release, Hindi Medium hijacked the attention of everyone present. It comes close on the heels of Baahubali-2 – a wildly high-voltage, record breaking blockbuster from which the Club is yet to recover.

Banoo Apa steps in the middle to conduct today's exercises

A dozen-odd members had gone for that show on May 11 (see post).
This time around, the number is likely to be higher. Nahid Khan, who rarely goes for a movie outing from the Club, jumped at the mention of Hindi Medium. So did her namesake, Nahid Siddiqui. Even Gupta, known to have slept through the entire screening of Baahubali-2, signed up for the morning show tomorrow. So did Shekhawat, notorious as he is for refusing to follow any story line of any movie. And then there were our regular cine addicts – Santosh Tyagi, Bhaswati Bose, Rukhsana Khan, Banoo Apa and so on.
Hindi Medium is billed as a ‘situational comedy’, revolving around a couple desperate to get their three-year-old daughter admitted in a so-called English medium school. With Irrfan Khan and Saba Qamar in the lead, the film is said to be a remake of a recent Malayalam superhit, Salt Mango Tree (also made in Bengali as Ramdhanu).
In Maharashtra, Hindi Medium has been declared ‘tax free’.
Bihari Milwani:
Tickets for the movie will be given to only those who come in time for exercises in the morning and stay on till end of the birthday celebration of Nahid Siddiqui.
Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
With a birthday party scheduled, people will certainly crowd around.

DAY 2251

Pic of the Week

KODAK MOMENT -- FROM THE NEW COLGATE COMMERCIAL

The BIG SMILES vouch for the joy and happiness BIG LAAF offers. Tum jiyo HAZAARO SAAL. --Kiran Prakash

Hanste raho, Hasaate raho, Big Laaf, Aate raho!--Bihari Milwani

The effects of Big Laaf... in reality. --Yusuf Rassiwala

Very nice photo! --Dilip Babani

‘Be-early Birthday’

Fairytale setting for Khatoon Baig's birthday celebration today

People celebrate all kinds of birthdays – official birthdays, notional birthdays, real birthdays, occasional birthdays… There are also belated birthdays, a euphemism for missed birthdays. And then there was today what Razia Khan coined as “be-early birthday”!
Khatoon Baig ushered her 69th birthday this morning in the Garden – a clear 15 days ahead of time. On June 4 she would be in the midst of fasting during the holy month of Ramzan (starting May 26) and in all likelihood, unable to throw the kind of lavish treat she did for us today.

Birthday hug from Mumtaz Jahan (l)

“But please don’t make this to be a birthday party,” she insisted.
Whatever be her reason for this unusual request, it was verily a birthday party as far as we were concerned. We had come prepared with her birthday calendar and she received it happily from the hands of Arun Patil.
She even gave a short-‘n’-sweet speech, thanking us all for the love and good wishes showered upon her on this occasion.

Laying out the feast, fit for a king

“I have never enjoyed so much of love and affection as I do in Big Laaf Club,” she said. “My blessings are with you all.”
It was a joy to see this otherwise self-effacing lady turn increasingly cheerful and talkative as the celebrations got under way. She was

Arun Patil (r) presents birthday calendar

not so when she arrived in the Garden, obviously tensed about the preparations. Dilip Babani was to pick up the eats (as always) and there was no trace of him. She was also worried about the numbers as attendance was low during the exercises.
Time and again, Khatoon broke away from the exercise circle to make phone calls. Before long, one by one, the late-comers began surfacing. During the last 10 minutes of the exercises, as many as 13 people showed up. Soon Dilip also materialized. Khatoon Baig looked relieved.
“This is the effect of dua,” she said, her face breaking into a lovely toothless smile. Our day was made.
Bihari Milwani:
It was a party day. More and more members were expected as we all are hungry for parties. Happy Birthday, Khatoon. She will have to repeat pre-poning her birthday celebration for the next two years. Her birthday in 2018 and 2019 will continue to fall in the holy month of Ramazan.
Geeta Latte:
Happy Birthday, dear Aunty! 💐🎂💐
Dilip Babani:
Happy Birthday, Khatoon-ji. The party was very nice.
Yusuf Rassiwala:
Khatoon Baig has shown her love towards Big Laaf members by celebrating her birthday in advance. Her birthday was in mid-Ramzan and she could very well have skipped the party. This speaks highly about her bonding and liking for the Club. We wish her a very Happy Birthday with health, wealth and happiness.
Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Happy Birthday Khatoon-ji -- though I missed the grand birthday celebrations.

Wise Ones

Drained out: Resting under the flowering tree after today's exercises

Yusuf Rassiwala stayed away from the Garden today also (ref yesterday’s post). But Shekhawat was there. And so were the dozen-odd regulars who seem to have nothing better to do than getting cooked in their own juices every morning.
Today, the ones to have wisely kept away from the sweltering heat in the Garden included Dilip and Kajal Babani, Karuna Waghmare, Mumtaz Jahan and Razia Khan. Quite simply, only fools like us are rushing in where the wise fear to tread.
The still wiser ones have packed their bags and left town. Karun Sharma is one. He returned from Bangalore the day before and is today in Chennai. Geeta Latte is another, as she is headed to Goa. Others include Manisha Kolhe, cooling her heels in Nagpur. Qadir Bano is on an extended vacation in Jaipur. Siba Prasad Maitra was last heard travelling, somewhere between Hyderabad and Visakhapatnam. The list goes on.
And then there are the wisest ones who remain very much in town but do not risk exerting themselves in this balmy weather. Swati Panjabi tops the list of long-time absconders. But then, she is said to be still nursing her husband after his eye operation. Fahmida Khan claims to have developed a ‘knotty problem’ in her left heel which prevents her from standing for too long.
Santosh Tyagi has no such excuse. She went to watch Baahubali with the Club on May 11 and ever since is too scared to leave home. She can however, be reached on phone.
Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Dehydration is an important aspect which needs to be addressed by all senior citizens. Our members are mostly senior citizens. Apparently the Club's administration has become a stickler for rules. THEY DO NOT WANT TO BEND THE RULES. So some members have taken the best option out - skip the exercises. They are laughing alone in their homes instead of sweating it out in the sweltering heat at the Garden. Am I right?
Bihari Milwani:
Many members are absent not because of the heat but because some 'party queens' of the club are missing. Once they come regularly, the parties will be there and attendance will skyrocket. Only proves that we come not to exercise but for parties after the exercises.
Karun Sharma:
One so-called 'wise' man is looking forward to reconnect with his Big Laaf family and chorus their laughter. People come and go but you all are our parents and we all love to visit our maika (natal home).

Small Pleasures

Bijoy Gupta leads today's rail-gaadi as engine driver

Nahid Siddiqui conducts the tai-chi round of exercises today

There are days in the Club when someone's absence becomes larger than his presence. Today was one such day. Not one, but two key members were conspicuous by their absence – Yusuf Rassiwala and Hari Singh Shekhawat.
Yusuf R had sent word on WhatsApp that he would be taking the day off. And Shekhawat called the Garden early morning to inform that his wife was indisposed and his inability to attend the exercises should be taken as “leave of absence”.
“I am not the type to do phunti,” he insisted on phone.
Bijoy Gupta was thrilled to bits. It was beyond his imagination that a day would come when Shekhawat would not be by his side and breathe down his neck, distracting him constantly, compelling him to assume awkward postures and chiding him continuously through the exercises.
Later, when he learned that Shekhawat’s wife had developed a muscular cramp in her leg and had been advised five day’s bed rest, he straightaway concluded that his friend’s goose was cooked. “Shekhawat is badly stuck,” he guffawed loudly while the exercises were on. “He is on duty pressing his wife’s feet till she recovers. Suits him right!”
While some ladies suggested Shekhawat should delegate the job to a saali, if not a masseuse, Gupta was on to bigger things. He was determined to appropriate Shekhawat’s role as the Club’s ‘big daddy’ (even if it were for a day) and much to our surprise, even took charge as ‘engine driver’, leading the train at the end of the free-hand exercises.
It was a limping success, prompting many to describe it a ‘rusty old goods train’. But that made no difference to Gupta. In his display of one-upmanship, he had the personal satisfaction of proving that whatever Shekhawat can do, he could do just as well – if not better.
It is from such small pleasures of life that we derive our everyday happiness.
Bihari Milwani:
Chalti ka naam gaadi, Rukti ka naam khatara... Even as Shekhawat-ji was absent today, our train kept moving. Big thanks to 'Big' Bijoy Gupta.

Tragi-Comic

Ram Shankar Shukla

It is not funny should you wake up one morning and not recognize yourself in the mirror. Or perhaps, cannot remember your bank signature. Or miss a flight, because you just forgot. Or that you do not remember your way home and, as it happened with Ram Shankar Shukla, you end up in a post office instead!
Loss of memory is part of growing old. It happens to the best of us. But what would you say of Yusuf Rassiwala who walked in today in an olive-green T-shirt, does all his exercises and only later, while resting on a bench, realises that he has worn his T-shirt inside out?
Shekhawat is another. He very easily loses track of days and dates and on countless occasions has had to be told that just because he chooses to wear green, it does not automatically become a Wednesday. Today, he even forgot he had already done a certain exercise and while the rest of us went on to

Yusuf Rassiwala explains how he forgot to check his t-shirt

the next step, he continued to merrily repeat himself, till Arun Patil had to rudely jolt his memory and bring him back on track.
Now, these are more in the nature of absent-mindedness than serious lapses of memory or amnesia (though definite indications exist). The mind tends to wander away from the now and here when subjected to a routine day after day, same time same place. We effectively lose our sense of alertness.
A real issue arises when we struggle to remember the sequence of exercises, even as we have been doing the drill for years, if not a decade. Some of us have even forgotten to count and need to be repeatedly prompted on something so basic. It is not as if anybody is unlettered. Quite simply, most of our ladies have had no use for numbers while running the kitchen and raising children.
The best joke of the morning was when Dilip Babani revealed how easily he forgets where he keeps his spectacles at home. Banoo Apa spoke of her husband having three pairs of spectacles and being just as forgetful. Other issues were also being discussed. In all the cross-talk, somebody mentioned that if you want to find something, simply go to Google.
Banoo Apa’s ears instantly perked up: “If my husband misplaces his spectacles again, will Google find them for him?” She wasn’t joking. Or was she?
Bihari Milwani:
It is high time we start doing memory development exercises too.
Kiran Prakash:
I feel such stories about forgetfulness can be avoided in the blog. It is scary. I don't remember whether I had gone to the Garden this morning. I have started imagining that I have landed at a post office and am dumped with hundreds of letters in a big bag to be despatched to the railway station. OMG!
Anonymous:
Thank God, Kiran Prakash remembers he exists and his name is Mr Kiran Prakash -- Andheri mein ujala dene wala!
Anonymous No 2:
Rest assured KP Sir, if you are carrying your identity card, the Postal Department will safely deliver you at your place.
Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Forgetfulness is the essence of life. It is commonplace though not commonly admitted. Laugh it off as good members of Big Laaf. Keep smiling.

Heat Wave

No respite from the oppressive heat and humidity

For the past few days, the sky would be overcast in the evenings and we are told that it had even been raining in parts of Mumbai. But in the Garden, our mornings remain oppressively hot and humid.

Yusuf Rassiwala and Banoo Apa survey the Garden

We continue to be baked and roasted in the blazing sun with no hope of relief any time soon.
This week has been particularly traumatic. Kiran Prakash suddenly felt dehydrated yesterday and had to excuse himself till he could get some water to drink (and a change of clothes) from home. Today, Karuna Waghmare spent much of the morning on a bench, unable to summon the strength to stand up and exercise.
In fact, with every passing day, our ‘bench strength’ is rising as Khatoon Baig, Zarina Khan and Nasir Putani Shah have joined the regulars on the sidelines. Bijoy Gupta too suffers from fits of giddiness these days and needs take frequently rest in the shade of a tree. Even Banoo Apa nowadays takes an occasional breather on the bench during the exercises.
Shekhawat, who is among the earliest to land in the Garden at 5:30 a.m., says the busiest hour is before sunrise -- between 6:00 and 7:00 in the morning. By the time we arrive, most of the ‘morning walkers’ would have left. And while we are still soldiering on, the Garden would be almost deserted.
There has been occasional talk to advance our timings during the summer months by an hour (i.e. from 7:00a.m.– 8:00a.m. to 6:00 a.m.– 7:00a.m.) mainly to beat the oppressive heat. But there are many late-risers who find this inconvenient and have resisted the change. Significantly, they are the ones to press for delaying the exercises by an hour (i.e. 8:00a.m.– 9:00a.m.) during the winter months, mainly to beat the oppressive darkness of the morning!
In the circumstances, we have little option but to maintain the status quo.
Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Club members are mostly senior citizens. They need to take precautions during summer. Dehydration is one aspect which needs special attention. We should not be too rigid. In case timings cannot be changed, it would be better to curtail some exercises in the interest of all members.

Bangkok Cooking

Karuna Waghmare

A casual throwback at Shekhawat by Karuna Waghmare the other day has revived the possibility of a trip to Bangkok. “What is the use of boasting of how much pension you get?” she told him. “Spend the money. Go out and see the world!”
Shekhawat tried to explain that during his days with the Indian Navy he had dropped anchor at many foreign ports, but Karuna would have none of that. “Did you take your wife with you, answer me” she grilled him. “Now is your time to do so. Take her along and travel the world. How many years do you have left? What is the point of going on accumulating money?”
Normally nobody takes Karuna’s words to heart, least of all Shekhawat. But this time she seemed to have touched a raw nerve in him, almost like posing a challenge. After the exercises he summoned Bhaswati Bose and asked her to plan a trip for the Club to Bangkok. “It’s high time we did a foreign tour,” he said.
Actually Bhaswati was already working on

Morning brainstorming after the exercises

it after Yusuf Rassiwala first broached the idea, following the Rajasthan tour last February. The sentiment then was having covered the length and breadth of India – from Kashmir to Kerala and Goa to Gangtok – there was nothing left for our members to explore in the country.
Before long Santosh Tyagi began making inquires for a "good passport agent" and Nahid Khan, whose passport had lapsed, announced she got herself a fresh one. Bihari Milwani informed yesterday that visas could be obtained in Bangkok on arrival. In between, Kiran Prakash spent a few days last month on vacation in Bangkok (ref post of April 16). Quite clearly, Bangkok was thick in the air!
What remains now is firming up on the economics and itinerary of the trip. The dates being looked at are roughly in end-October – time enough to obtain the best airfare/ hotel deals, not to mention finalize the travel documents. Most importantly, the weather in Bangkok would be divine at that time.
Should this work out, it would be the first overseas trip for many of our members. And if all goes well, Europe should logically be our next international destination. After all, the world is a small place today.
Bihari Milwani:
The Spotted Tigress (Karuna Waghmare in spotted yellow dress) had awakened Red Lion (Shekhawat-ji in red t-shirt), making him (plan to) run out of India!

Day 2244

Pic of the Week

 Today is Mothers' Day

BIG LAAF moms celebrate the colours of MOTHER INDIA!

Tricolour Moms: 'Jhanda uncha rahe hamaara... aur tumhaara bhi'. Happy Mother's Day. --Kiran Prakash

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY. LOVELY PHOTO --Dilip Babani

Defiant mothers of dedicated children! Happy Mothers Day. --Yusuf Rassiwala

Tokum Toki

Pushpa Gupta (r) confronts Arun Patil head on

Arun Patil’s penchant for playing the no-nonsense watchdog of Big Laaf has become a major divisive issue among members. On the one hand, there are many who admire his guts at reining in wayward elements and enforcing a sense of discipline in the Club. On the other, there are those who resent his authoritarian attitude, arguing that he has no business to throw his weight around.
“I am fed up of his tokum-toki,” Shekhawat protests. “Ours is a laughter club, not a parade ground. We come here for a little hansi-mazaak, that's all, not to be rebuked every day.

Today was Kiran Prakash's 40th
wedding anniversary. Posing with
Bihari Milwani's beautiful memento

Even in military school, they don’t dictate what you must do, what you must not do the way Arun tells us. I am sure this fellow has nothing better to do in life!”
Matters hit flashpoint this morning when Arun pulled up Pushpa Gupta for showing up without the Club cap and getting a mouthful from her in return. She made a half-hearted attempt to explain her discomfort wearing the cap in peak summer heat, then abruptly changed tack on seeing Arun’s belligerent attitude. Short of telling him to go to hell, she demanded she be refunded her membership fee.

Yogurt treat from Kiran Prakash on his 40th wedding anniversary

“I’ll stop coming to the Garden from tomorrow,” she declared defiantly.
Obviously, there’s a history to this altercation. Pushpa, it seems, had renewed her Club membership on the condition that she (like Swati Panjabi) would be exempt from wearing the cap. Arun’s contention was that she should then not take part in the exercises and instead, bide her time on a bench.
“Or else, others would also demand a similar exemption and eventually nobody will wear the cap,” he reasoned. “What would be left of Club discipline then?”
Somehow, a truce was brokered with both finally agreeing to concede each other’s point of view. The matter would have died there and then were it not for the Club’s nine-member managing committee suddenly calling an emergency meeting to independently handle the issue and before long, starting a fresh round of fireworks. In effect, a mountain is being made out of a non issue with nobody is hearing the last word yet. Watch this space.

After Effect

Soldiering on: Going through the drill under a blazing sun

After the dismal showing yesterday, things got marginally better in the Garden this morning. Attendance during the exercises was still in single digit, partly due to the after-effects of the Shab-e-Barat celebrations last night. But Banoo Apa was there. And true to her magnanimity and affectionate nature, she had brought us platefuls of poha and pudding from home, drawing everyone into the festive fold. “It was our big night yesterday,” she reminded us.
Earlier on, Dilip and Kajal Babani celebrated their wedding anniversary with a round of fresh sandwiches and cake rolls. They were justifiably upset after yesterday’s fiasco (see post) and hadn’t quite forgiven us for “deserting” them for the Baahubali movie. But that did not get in the way of the mutual regard and fondness we share with them. Happily, they were chaperoned by Kajal’s mom – incidentally, “Mummy” to all of us in the Club.
Yesterday’s movie however, continued to weigh heavily on everyone (including those who have not watched Baahubali) as conversation veered around its spectacular action scenes all morning. Shekhawat, for one, refused to come to terms with characters performing

Dilip-Kajal Babani's anniversary treat

Banoo Apa's Shab-e-Barat treat

super-human feats like uprooting massive stone pillars and stopping charging elephants in their tracks. “What was the need of so much mara-mari... de maar, de-maar? Was all that really necessary?”
What kept him amused though was the off-screen spectacle of Bijoy Gupta snoring in the auditorium right through the film. “How can anyone sleep with so much noise of maar-dhaad on the screen!” Shekhawat exclaimed. “But this man, from the moment he occupied his seat, simply dozed off. After a point, I could not hold myself any longer and shook him awake. Gupta-ji opened his eyes and simply walked out of the hall. After some time I went out to search for him. By then he had disappeared!”
There was still no sign of Gupta this morning.

Baahubali Effect

Deserted! The scene at today's wrap-up of the exercises. Even the benches are empty

Half the Club did not turn up today as it was Shab-e-Barat – an important day by the Islamic calendar. Of the remaining lot, only six were present to flag off the exercises early morning. Midway through, Bhaswati Bose arrived and announced that the only Baahubali tickets she could book (ref yesterday’s post) were for the 10:00 a.m. show today.
Promptly Shekhawat, Santosh Tyagi and Arun Patil marched out of the Garden with Bhaswati in tow. In effect, we were left with just about three or four to wind up the exercises.
Never before have our exercises been abandoned en masse like this, whatever the circumstances.

Banoo Apa with Kajal (r)

We have always stood our ground to the last drill, braving inclement weather, even torrential rains and other adversities. This was the first time we had called it a day by 7:30 a.m. – a clear half-hour before time – all for the sake of a stupid stunt movie.
An unfortunate fallout was

Dilip and Kajal Babani

that Dilip and Kajal Babani could not celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary with us today. They had come prepared with sandwiches and bread cake, only to find the Garden deserted. Barring a few hangers on like Fahmida Khan, Banoo Apa and Geeta Latte, all had left by then.
It felt bad that their effort in putting together the goodies so early in the morning should come to a naught. Had they only told us in advance or perhaps turned up a little earlier, it would have saved everybody a load of disappointment.
We picked a few sandwiches and advised Dilip and Kajal to carefully preserve the rest for tomorrow. A belated celebration can always be held in the normal course. Meanwhile, here’s wishing the couple the very best and of course, many more years of togetherness.
Bhaswati Bose:
* Please don't call it a "stupid stunt film" without watching it. It is a total paisa vasool film. Now we know why Katappa killed Baahubali!
* A very Happy Anniversary to Kajal and Dilip-bhai! Wishing them many more years of happiness together.
Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
* I always thought that bonding within the Big Laaf Club had an over-riding effect than any other event. But now my belief is shaken. A stunt movie seems to be more important than the fitness of members. This is too sad.
* Happy Marriage Anniversary, Dilip-bhai and Kajal-ji. Wish you a long, happy and healthy married innings, although not yet celebrated in the Big Laaf Way.