Good and Bad

Monthi Serrao must account for every rupee received!

Who reads this blog? Who are the people driving its numbers? Given the counted few among us who are internet savvy and can claim direct access to computers at home, these questions have dogged the blog from its inception. And now that we are inching towards 300,000 page views, the questions assume greater relevance.
Well, apart from old loyalists (known to regular followers) there are some unlikely people like Monthi Serrao who sees the blog every day on her way to church. (Or else Harish Wadhwa wouldn’t have got his chikkis on Thursday.)

Bihari Milwani

Nahid Khan is also a self-confessed convert. So is Sunita Jajodia. There are also the crows who found mention in yesterday’s post. (Or else they wouldn’t have flown in today in greater numbers.) And the much maligned music box (also yesterday’s post), which put up a spectacularly, trouble-free performance today… When there are such wonderful readers out there, why should we ever look at numbers?

Worried: Santosh Tyagi

But Monthi must, because she is the treasurer of the Club. These are busy times for her and she has to not only square up last year's accounts, but generate funds for the current financial year. Subscriptions for membership renewal are pouring in and she has to also issue receipts and deposit the cash collected in the bank from time to time. These are all ‘honorary’ activities she undertakes uncomplainingly for which we can only extend our gratitude but no remuneration. But then, she would soon have a professional number cruncher by her side – Bihari Milwani, a CA who has consented to advise us on financial matters and audit the Club’s accounts at the end of the year.
That’s the good part of the morning. The bad part was that Santosh Tyagi has been detected with gall stones which might require surgical removal. This has made her mighty nervous. But she suppresses her anxiety by joking that her stomach is loaded with stones – that there is factory inside which manufactures calculi only. Eager to be one-up on her, Srichand Arora retorted immediately: “My stomach has a steel plant. It produces steel bars only!” Some people can never get serious in life.
Harish Wadhwa:
You will be fine Santosh-ji. Gall stones are a common problem and it has a painless surgical solution, even if you have to go for one. Don't worry at all, you will be fine and back into the Garden in just a couple of days or a week. We are all with you and so are the blessings of the Almighty.

Tale of 'Machine Man'

Nafisa with the little black fellow

Nafisa Sayyad just confirmed what we had suspected all along. The tiny music box that is supposed to entertain us while we exercise began to ‘misbehave’ so badly today that Nafisa voiced everybody’s feelings in one sentence: “You need to leave such machine log (machine men) alone for a while until they get back to their senses!”
Indeed, the music players we have been employing for our exercises possess a mind of their own. The little black one we have now is a twin brother of Arun Patil’s silver piece, except that ours can be horribly cantankerous – spluttering and playing when in the mood, skipping songs at will, turning silent for no rhyme or reason, restarting and shouting, then whispering… Worse still, he is bloody intelligent.
Some time back, Ram Shankar Shukla tried to appease the damn thing by bringing freshly dug up earth from somewhere in his cupped hands and with much ceremony, created a soft surface in a pit for the music box to play comfortably. It was a comic sight. Amused, Yusuf Rassiwala couldn’t help remarking that next, we should perform a havan at that spot.

More crows than men attend our exercises these days

From that day itself, the little chap began throwing temper tantrums recklessly. The pit had been earlier identified by Ved Prakash Grover, who had put a big brick at that spot for the music box to sit on. Srichand Arora replaced the brick with a lovely square marble piece – thereby lowering the level. With Shukla’s mud bed, the level sunk still deeper. But Nahid Khan tried to pacify the fellow, even giving him a larger-than-life stature by declaring she had done “so many pheras” around (in the course of conducting exercises) that whether she liked it or not, she'd have to live with him. Divorce was not an option.
Today, matters reached a head. Exactly half and hour into the exercises, the thing stopped singing. It was yanked out by the ear (USB stick) and placed outside the pit. It cried for a while and then shut up. The marble piece was placed underneath. It grumbled and growled, but soon sang merrily for a long time. When all seemed well, it was lifted with its marble 'throne' and placed back in the pit. Instantly it fell silent, winking with its blue lights…
Moral of the story: The more you pamper someone, the more he'd likely sit on your head. Ideally, as Nafisa said, ignore the fellow. He will come around, sooner than later.
Jagmohan Papneja:
Superstition: The presence of a large flock of crows together is followed by a change of weather.
Harish Wadhwa:
Why machines, human beings are no different. They too have to be left to themselves once in a while. [By the way the blog narrates today's incident very nicely and it must have been fun for anyone to watch all this happening.] The sound machines croon worse when they don't find an appreciative audience.

Paid Off

Harish Wadhwa

It pays to complain in the blog. Or so would Harish Wadhwa say after he commented yesterday (see post) asking some good soul to take responsibility for members like him who are “starved of the goodies” distributed in the Garden in their absence. “Come on, I deserve to get something nice to eat once in a while,” he pleaded.
The appeal obviously struck a sympathetic chord in Monthi Serrao who saved a few chikkis for Harish after distributing the rest among those who attended today’s exercises. The crunchy sweets were gifted by her daughter from a trip to Lonavala recently.
Actually, Monthi had kept aside some pieces for Srichand Arora as well, but Harish could not resist the temptation to consume the whole lot at one go.

Monthi Serrao distributes Lonavala chikkis

Arora had to leave midway through the exercises following an emergency call and consequently missed out on the chikkis. His loss was Harish’s gain – a double reward effectively for not showing up.
So from now onwards, habitual absentees will have a new stick to beat the Club with. March and April are unusually ‘dry months’ as there are virtually no birthday celebrations at this time of the year. The current drop in attendance therefore, does not come as any surprise. What does come as a surprise though (even for the absentees) are the impromptu, unscheduled treats – as Khatoon Baig and Kiran Makhria gave in the last couple of days. Had the absentees known about these in advance they would inevitably have flocked to the Garden in full strength.
Now Harish Wadhwa has made life easy for them. They need not come to the Garden at all and yet be able to claim their ‘just desserts’. Knowing some members, this sense of entitlement can lead to hilarious spin-offs.
Harish Wadhwa:
Nice to see that someone had read my comment, though it was written in light vein. Thanks Monthi-ji, for the lovely chikkis which a wonderful soul got me. Unfortunately, I could not eat them as the lot was soon stolen by the kids at home, leaving me high and dry again. Well, I cannot complain for sure. It is rightly said: 'Dane dane pe likha hai, khane wale ka naam!' (By the way, why am I looking so aggressive? Hum aise toh nahin!)
Jagmohan Papneja:
Yusuf-bhai's presence in the Garden nowadays brings smiles in every face. His absence will surely disappoint everyone. So he should join us regularly to feel the warmth of our company.

Poll Bandicoots

Sena-BJP workers campaign for BIG LAAF votes 

Kiran Makhria treats us to Sati temple prasad 

It is election season now. And the political bandicoots are out. The first of the lot showed up this morning in the Garden, distributing pamphlets of Narendra Modi. Slowly they made their way towards us and waited by the side till we were done with our exercises.
Barring Jagmohan Papneja, none of us recognized any of them. But that’s all very fine. Politicians aren’t expected to befriend us, unless they require our votes. But someone mentioned Ajay Maheshwari's name. He wasn’t contesting. He was with the group, campaigning for a candidate of the Shiv Sena, which is in ‘strategic’ alliance with the BJP. “We must ensure Modi becomes our next prime minister,” the group entreated.
Nobody responded. As a Club, we are fiercely apolitical and we would like to keep it this way. But in private, some members voiced their cynicism. “All parties are the same,” muttered Geeta Sardana, as soon as the campaign group left. “Then who should we vote for?” asked Kiran Makhria, sounding like a babe in the woods.
Adding to the overall confusion was the absence of saffron in that self-proclaimed saffron group. The Sena-BJP workers sported uniformly non-descript grey T-shirts – which raised doubts about whether they were who they claimed to be. Dilip Babani even announced their arrival as that of “Aam Aadmi people”. And he was not alone in mistaking them to be so.
Be that as it may, what mattered more to us were the monstrous pedas Kiran Makhria had brought from a pilgrimage to the Rani Sati Temple, near Jaipur. One peda was a full meal. Incidentally, this was the first treat Kiran was giving us after her birthday in August last year. On that fateful day (see post of August 16, 2013) she fractured her wrist after a nasty fall near the China Hut. She stopped treating us since.
So today, all her close friends took special care and made sure that she left the Garden in one piece!
Harish Wadhwa:
Yesterday it was peda and salties from Khatoon-ji and today it was king size peda from Kiran-ji. The thing about this club is that everyone wants to be generous. But someone must take responsibility to help members like me who are starved of the goodies. Come on, I deserve to get something nice to eat once in a while!
Jagmohan Papneja:
Our vote is invaluable. Think, understand and choose the right person so that a stable government can be formed at the Centre for a better India. Abhi toh bas aghaaz hai / Anjaam to aane wala hai / Kuch tum badlo, kuch hum badle, / Pura desh badalne wala hai. Vote for India.

‘Day of the Wise’

Khatoon Baig treats everyone to pedas and salties

Khatoon Baig kept her word – if only to prove that we need not be fools on All Fools’ Day. Unlike all others who promised to host a ‘grand party’ on April 1 (see post of March 29), she turned up with a box of pedas and salties today. “It is against my conscience to fool anybody,” she explained in all humility. “So what if others enjoy making April fools of one another? But I'd rather treat everyone as wise people, even on April 1.”
Such a disarmingly simple-minded remark left many dumbstruck. For a moment all our smart alecky pranks and tomfoolery came to a halt as we thanked Khatoon for her affection and generosity. What she treated us to was not as important as the fact that she went against the flow of things and stood by her conviction – however odd it might have sounded then.

Santosh Tyagi

Nahid Khan had already put everyone on guard by declaring early morning that she was leaving for Dubai. Some of us had seen her lugging a huge, brown strolley to the Garden while she explained that she had a flight to catch soon after the exercises. Forever suspecting, Ved Prakash Grover spoke out: “A big aeroplane will land outside the Garden and whisk her straight to Dubai!”
Turned out, the strolley was empty and in need of repairing at the cobbler’s near the Garden gate. But the gimmick was enough to put everyone on high alert and suspect anything anybody said. So when Sunita Jajodia informed (soon after receiving a phone call) that Santosh Tyagi was in bad shape from a bout of food poisoning, nobody believed her. Jagmohan Papneja insisted that Santosh would show up any moment at the Gate, even as Sunita swore (by the Club cap!) that the cause of food poisoning was chhole-bhature. And then, Ruksana Khan got a rude shock when told that someone was waiting for her outside the Garden, but checked herself soon after. Even when Srichand Arora was greeted “Happy Cheti Chand” (today being the Sindhi New Year), everybody was unbelieving!
Clearly, by the end of the exercises, we had all turned 'extra' wise to the attempts at being made fools April 1. To that extent, Khatoon Baig’s reasoning for her treat was not altogether misplaced.
Jagmohan Papneja:
May Lord Jhulelal shower his blessing on BIG LAAF. Happy Cheti Chand!
Harish Wadhwa:
* Happy Cheti Chand to all Sindhi manoos -- especially Arora-ji, the chief. May God bless everyone in the club with good health and prosperity.
* I am sure Santosh-ji had to go with Navratri-ka-khana instead of the everyday kukkad-shukkad. Her body must have resisted something so simple. Wishing you quick recovery, Santosh-ji.
* I hope Nahid-ji has comfortably reached Dubai and is having a good time there :)