Impending Gloom

Srichand Arora

For the fourth consecutive morning, we did our exercises under dense cloud cover with intermittent rain. But today, there was a sense of foreboding also. Maybe, it had something to do with the news of 200 men, women and children lying buried in a landslide near Pune. Or perhaps, it was the dreadful darkness that had enveloped us since daybreak in the Garden. Somebody remarked that we were witnessing “night in day”. But everybody knew that there would be a heavy downpour any moment.
In this air of impending gloom, we were informed of the bereavement in Srichand Arora’s family. He has lost his brother-in-law (wife’s brother) yesterday. Apparently, the ailing man had stopped eating, but only last week-end, there was a family re-union to celebrate his marriage anniversary. “Everything went off well and we even thought that he was on the road to recovery,” Arora narrated on phone. “But God had other plans. Today, my brother-in-law is no more.”
We can only commiserate with the family in their hour of grief and pray that the Aroras are able to bear the loss with strength and fortitude.

Everyone pools in for the gift

Our condolences go out to them. May the soul of their dear departed rest in peace.
There was also talk of taking a gift along for the Eid party being hosted by Yusuf Rassiwala on August 3 (ref: yesterday’s post). Nahid Khan was of the opinion that this is strictly not necessary. But others like Santosh Tyagi and Monthi Serrao felt that it would look odd for the entire Club to land empty-handed for the party. At the behest of Angad Singh, it was decided to pool in some cash (voluntarily) and purchase something “as a token of our love and respect” towards Yusuf. Sunita Jajodia and Arun Patil also put in their contribution.
Later, Mumtaz Jahan was to show up and advise us that in all fairness we should dip into the Club’s kitty and pay for the gift rather than charge individual members. “After all, Yusuf-bhai has invited the full Club,” she pointed out. This too made sense. So now the Club's committee members would sit together tomorrow morning and take a call.
Harish Wadhwa:
My deepest condolence to Arora-ji's family for losing a loved one. This is something that puts you into a thinking mode as to how cruel life can often be. May God give peace to the departed soul and courage to the family to bear the loss.

Monsoon Picnic

Shekhawat's briefing for the Lonavala picnic on August 9 

Dark and wet morning for the third day running. But somehow, we are getting used to this. Many are actually wanting more rains if that should fill Mumbai’s lake reservoirs in crucial catchment areas. News reports describe the monsoon so far as “topsy turvy” (what a peculiar expression!) and maintain that the rainfall has not been good enough to ensure a year’s supply of potable water for the city.
Another reason why nobody minds the rains is that the picnic to Lonavala has been fixed for August 9. Shekhawat today announced that August 2 will be a “little too soon” (ref: yesterday's post) considering that Eid festivities are still on and most of our Muslim friends have not yet rejoined.

Yusuf Rassiwala gives directions

He was hopeful that the current wet spell will continue on August 9 and we’d still enjoy at the hill station while it is at its pristine glory. After all, what does a trip to Lonavala amount to if it isn't timed with the monsoon!
Yusuf Rassiwala too had some good news, which was promptly greeted with a round of applause.

Monthi Serrao

Like last year, he wants to host an Eid party and invited us all to his place on August 3. Such was his grace and humility while extending the invitation that we were left dumbstruck. He spoke to everyone individually and for those who have not been to his house, he gave directions. Knowing him, we can be assured that such personal attention is not for effect and we shall be seeing more of it from his family as well on the evening of August 3.
But the biggest surprise was to come from Monthi Serrao. She brought two biscuits of palm molasses, broke each into tiny pieces and distributed them. Now who would ever think of doing this? Anybody else would have wondered if it would be appropriate, would it suffice, what would people say, such small pieces… But here was a lady who couldn’t care. She had a good thing in hand and believed that it ought to be shared. As simple as that. No pretences, nothing. When someone asked what the ‘occasion’ was, she snapped with maternal authority: “Nothing, eat it. That’s all.”
Obediently the fellow nibbled at his piece. Sometimes goodness can be very difficult to understand.
Jagmohan Papneja:
* Lonavala is one of those places where you can enjoy your picnic at any time of the year. But monsoon is the best time to go because the place turns into a green heaven on earth. Thanks Shekhawat-ji, for the initiative.
* For Yusuf-bhai, Eid is an opportunity to invite Big Laaf friends for a get-together at home with love and happiness. Yusuf-bhai, thanks for your invitation.

Eid ul-Fitr 2014

Capturing the spirit of Eid

Yet another rainy day – a repeat of yesterday – except that today was Eid ul-Fitr. None of our Muslim friends were there (and expectedly so), but in our own small way we raised an extra laugh to mark the occasion. Also, at the behest of Srichand Arora and other seniors, we clapped to ‘Eid Mubarak Ho!’ at the end of each of the three sessions of the exercises.
To our readers, we wish you every happiness, goodness and prosperity on this auspicious day. May Allah shower his blessings on you all and fill your heart and homes with love and good tidings. Above all, may peace be on you.
While we missed the special sweets and delicacies associated with the festival, Harbans Kaur more than made it up for us by treating everyone to ladles of lip-smacking halwa soon after the exercises. She was away at Pune to attend the engagement ceremony of her nephew. The halwa was to celebrate the formalization of the union and we can only bless the boy and his bride-to-be from afar as they embark on their new journey in life. We thank Harbans Kaur also for including us in her joyful times and sharing that unforgettable halwa from Pune.

Halwa to die for... from Harbans Kaur

But then, as things stand in the Club, Shekhawat is getting increasingly consumed by the idea of a ‘monsoon picnic’. Lonavala is of course, uppermost in his mind, though he isn’t quite sure whether to set out this week-end or the next. After extensive discussions, he has figured that if it has to be an overnight stay, we should fix the date for August 9. Or else, we could as well go and come back on August 2.
There is a third option yet. The Independence Day-weekend (August 15 to 17) gives us time to venture still further out -- perhaps to Matheran, even Mahabaleshwar or Panchgani and spend two nights out on the hills. This might sound too adventurous at the moment. But who knows, a majority of members might just go for it. And as always, it is the majority opinion that counts.
Jagmohan Papneja:
Sending you warm wishes on EID UL-FITR: Khushion se bhari, Phoolon se dhaki, Khusbooan me basi, Rango se saji, Taron me chhupi, Supno me dhali aur, Shabnam se dhuli... Eid Mubarak to all of you.

Duty before Self

The 'early birds' wait for others to show up

It rained relentlessly all of yesterday. It rained all of last night. And at 6:30 this morning, just as we were leaving for the Garden, it rained with renewed vengeance. The streets were flooded, devoid of all life, but for a few half-empty school buses, newspaper boys on bicycles and some isolated milk vendors. Who would have expected anybody to turn up for the exercises in this scenario?
But wonder of wonders, half a dozen members were already there before time – Nahid Khan, Santosh Tyagi, Srichand Arora, Shekhawat, Sunita Jajodia and Ved Prakash Grover. Soon Geeta Sardana joined them. And then came Jagmohan Papneja and Bihari Milwani and Monthi Serrao… All of them had braved the blinding rain, waded through water-logged streets and negotiated treacherous potholes, only to keep their appointment in the Garden. Like bravehearts who put duty before self, they ensured that the exercises were not abandoned even for a day.
If anything, this only shows what a committed group we are. Whatever we might appear to be as a cranky, carefree, fun-loving and food-loving lot, on the question of exercises there can be no compromise. Come hell or high water, we shall always be there – at 7:00 a.m. sharp!
Srichand Arora:
EID MUBARAK BIG LAAF, ESPECIALLY OUR DEAR MUMTAJ JAHAN, KHATOON BAIG, MALLIKA KAGJI, NAZMA SAIYAD, RUKSANA KHAN, NAHID KHAN, YUSUF-BHAI, RAZIA KHAN AND ALSO THOSE MEMBERS WHOSE NAMES I MIGHT HAVE MISSED OUT.

Day 1356

Pic of the Week

Somebody, please check: Are they okay now?

Harish Wadhwa:
What an awful picture with a weird combination of navy blue and green. Moreover, clicked in a most dubious situation on the road. It is classic example of everything going wrong -- weird and mismatched colour combination, wrong T-shirt sizes, wrong timing, wrong action, situation... I recall it was a moment when we were trying the new body hugging T-shirts, the sizes of which went horribly wrong. It was a herculean effort to somehow get into it. Can't stop laughing at myself. I could still manage to slip in, but the bulges of my dear friend wouldn't let him even breathe. Ho ho ho... I am thinking of getting it framed and pinned at my home wall. LOL
Srichand Arora:
Don't hang it on the wall. People will think something is fissssssssssshy about us both!

Extortion!

Geeta Sardana blows the candle and cuts her birthday cake

The extortionists had their way today. This is a new female sub-group in the Club that targets people selectively for ‘parties’. But all for common good. And so it was Geeta Sardana's turn to fall prey to their persuasions by having to celebrate her birthday prematurely – one day in advance.
The best part was that her husband too was part of the celebration this morning. An otherwise quiet and reticent person, he joined us ‘on invitation’ for the first time inside the China Hut, taking part in all the fun and frivolities and even gave his wife the first bite of the birthday cake.

All in good fun

Of course, she too reciprocated in equal measure (and daintily brushed the sticky crumbs off his hairy arms) thus making for a beautiful photo op.

A Happy Birthday from hubby

Earlier on, he helped carry two heavy bags of packed salties and sweet into the Garden while Geeta strode in holding a large cake box. An elaborate cake-cutting ceremony was organized on-the-spot by the ladies, replete with a white plastic chair for support, the candle being lit and the ‘birthday girl’ bending down to blow it off in style.
Geeta was lucky that she was in civilized company. Or else, her lady friends were just itching to smear the full white cake on her face. But they contained themselves with cosmetic finger flicks of the cream on her cheeks and forehead, though Santosh Tyagi, Kajal Babani and Kiran Makharia took some more liberties. The men dared not do anything of the sort (what with Geeta’s hubby prowling around) and patiently awaited their turn for a slice of the cake and their share of the breakfast box to be taken home. It was a morning well-celebrated. Truly, the ‘extortionists’ have their use.
Jagmohan Papneja:
Happy Birthday Geeta-ji, for today and tomorrow. What an adorable cake! I am contemplating doing the same on my birthday.
A simple and nice celebration. A gathering of friends. A joy that never ends. Here is wishing you all the best on your birthday.
Srichand Arora:
Geetaji, Kiran and I wish you a very Happy Birthday and many happy returns of the day. GOD BLESS YOU!

Rip Off

Bose narrates his tale of woe

How does it feel when someone drains your bank account of Rs45,000 in nine minutes flat and there’s nothing you can do to stop it? This can happen to anyone. And it happened to Bose Babu yesterday.
He had just returned from work late evening when his mobile beeped. It was a text message from HSBC Bank informing him of a one-time password for a credit card purchase of 177.45 pounds. Confused, he replied that he was making no purchase and to promptly stop any such transaction.
While keying in, three more SMS alerts beeped, this time for tickets purchased from Delta Airlines – US$ 1, US$ 360.10 and US$ 360.10. Bose lost his cool. He sprung up and dialed the HSBC customer care number. It was 8:45 pm. The lines were still busy. Finally, after getting through, he was put through the rigmarole: ‘Dial 1 for English’, ‘Press the hash key’, ‘Please stay on line, your call is important’... After losing five precious minutes on this madness, a voice trilled at the other end: “How can I help you?”

Sardar Teja Singh Bhambra

“I am being raped,” Bose yelled. “Some joker is taking all the money from my account. Stop him!!!”
Silence. Heavy breathing.
The voice came back, now in Hindi. Bose identified himself by his mother’s name, date of birth and house address. Convinced that this was a human being after all, the voice informed that there were three credit card transactions appearing on his account, totaling to US$721-odd. At US $1 to Rs63 (today’s rate), this amounted to Rs45,423 down the drain.
“I want that money back,” Bose hissed.
“I can’t… But I can block your card to prevent further misuse,” the voice offered and suggested visiting to the nearest HSBC branch to file a Customer Dispute Form.
That’s exactly what Bose did today -- after being interrogated and having to submit copies his passport pages, a scanned print of the credit card, etc. The bank’s legal team has now taken over this ‘dispute’and Bose can check on August 10, not before. End of the story.
The other disappointing story of the day was that Teja Singh Bhambra is leaving for Faridabad again. This time, he says, he won’t be back before 2015. “There’s a marriage in the family,” he explained. Needless to mention, we shall all be missing him.
Jagmohan Papneja:
It is really painful to know that Bose Babu has lost so much money fraudulently. There is every possibility that his credit card has been cloned, more so when he was abroad. It is indeed a good thing on his part to report the matter to a competent authority. As I understand, he should get back his money because he was not at fault. I feel such a provision does exist.

Total Anticlimax

Bijoy Gupta

After yesterday’s double-double celebration (see post), today turned out to be a total anti-climax. There was no trace of Yusuf Rassiwala. Harbans Kaur left for Pune. Monthi Serrao forgot her way to the Garden. There was no news of Ram Shankar Shukla either. Srichand Arora also abandoned…
But Bijoy Gupta was there. At first Jagmohan Papneja mistook him for Pele till his pencil line moustache gave him away. Otherwise, the sun-burnt ruggedness, athletic gait and new hairstyle closely resembled that of the Brazilian football legend. The many weeks of staying awake in front of the TV for the FIFA World Cup has apparently rubbed off on him (ref post of June 16) a little. And today, having finally made up for sleep deprivation, he showed up at the Garden, fresh and fine.
The rains also created some confusion. When we started out, it was bright and sunny. But twice, in the course of exercising, the heavens broke loose and it poured like hell.

Dodging the rains

And then again, it was bright and sunny.
Dilip Babani likened it to a ‘donkey’s wedding’. But according to Shekhawat, this was just the weather to take off for the hills and enjoy the monsoon – Lonavala still playing on his mind. Early morning, he entered the Garden marveling at the clear, blue skies and nip in the air only to insist that we do not waste this opportunity and set out for a picnic. When he was told that all roads leading out of Mumbai had turned treacherous in the monsoon and were clogged with traffic, he became all the more determined: “But who wants to be in any hurry? Let it take all day on the roads. We are going for a night stay.”
Shekhawat’s only concern is whether there would be enough people to fill a bus. “Even if five couples agree, we shall go,” he declared confidently. “I shall manage the rest,” he added, clearly counting on the return of some members currently away on their annual Ramzaan break.

All Heart

Wishing Yusuf Rassiwala many happy returns of the day

Birthday treat from Tian Serrao (in absentia)

Serenading has traditionally been a male prerogative. You wouldn’t ordinarily expect women to serenade a guy – unless of course, he is Yusuf Rassiwala. Such is his fan following among the ladies of the Club that today, for the first time in any birthday, they broke into an impromptu chorus, singing and rejoicing to “Tum jiyo hazaaron saal-saal ke din hon pachaas hazaar… Happy Birthday to you!”
It was all heart, pure and melodious, led by Santosh Tyagi, Harbans Kaur, Bhaswati Bose and others. The men stood by, clapping awkwardly and happily jealous of Yusuf while he blushed and grinned, hogging all the adulation. After all, he had turned one year older today. And when Geeta Sardana addressed him as "Birthday Boy”, he corrected her, saying “Budda Boy”!
Yusuf’s birthday was deliberately hyped by the ladies (see yesterday’s post) days in advance. He obviously shares a comfort level with them which no other male member in the Club enjoys. That Yusuf had come in to celebrate with chocolates and cake rolls, even as Ramzaan was on, speaks of how much he also values their sentiments.
But true to style, he had kept us in suspense by turning up (fashionably) late. At one point Arun Patil declared that Yusuf had done the disappearing act and would now show up only after Ramzaan. But Nahid Khan did not lose hope and maintained we would have a good birthday celebration today.
As things turned out, it was ‘two good’ because Monthi Serrao’s grandson, Tian’s birthday coincides with Yusuf’s. So we actually had a double celebration this morning with Monthi bringing a bag full of biscuits on his behalf. Tian has been celebrating with us since his very first birthday, but now he is a big boy and has better things to do in life. So Monthi had to rush back for the cake cutting at home, before dispatching Tian to school.
The blog wishes Tian the very best in studies, more mischief in class, good grades in exams and lots of beautiful girlfriends in life. Happy Birthday, you too, Tian!
Harish Wadhwa:
Happy Birthday, 'Tall Boy' Yusuf-bhai. It is a humbling gesture that you thought of treating others even as you were on fast due to Ramzaan. And 'Little Man' Tian, may the Almighty shower you with what the blog says -- mischief and beautiful girlfriends.
Jagmohan Papneja:
On your birthday, Yusuf-bhai, I would like to remind you of your own words of wisdom: 'Laugh for health, Exercise for health and be regular -- Aatey Raho'. Many, many happy returns of the day. I would like to convey my best wishes to Master Tian also. May God bless you always.

Monsoon Musings

Nahid Khan rushes in after retrieving her bag from the rains 

Now that the monsoon has kicked in right and proper, we are getting accustomed to the low turn-out every morning, people running in drenched from top to toe, leaking roofs and slippery floors, shifting location to avoid a sudden cloudburst during the exercises, wet crows constantly cawing over our heads, umbrellas getting exchanged… Arun Patil had provided everyone name stickers (with mobile numbers indicated in bold) for umbrellas. And still the umbrellas, once misplaced, do not come back to their owners.
Arun did another thing. He brought out his music box that he had been protecting from the rains. After a long time we were treated to his collection of vintage film hits, playing loud and clear in the enclosed space of the new Garden shed. Arun has identified a dry corner, away from the dripping tarpaulin roof, for placing the box, much to the delight of music lovers like Yusuf Rassiwala and Nahid Khan.

Arun Patil

Yusuf Rassiwala

Against the relentless drub-drub of the morning shower and fierce winds lashing the shed, the songs sounded simply out of this world. As someone pointed out, we could go on exercising for hours in this ambience without ever realizing it.
Yusuf’s presence also made a difference. In fact, his appearance nowadays is an event – so rare has it become. And responses have gone beyond comments like sighting the proverbial moon on Eid. Today, for instance, as he negotiated his way through the raging downpour, Nahid could not help remarking, “Where is this fresh gust of wind coming from? Yusuf-bhai must be around!” Sure enough, he was there behind her.
But that was not why Yusuf had become everyone’s favorite punching bag today. Tomorrow is his birthday. Ved Prakash Grover was the first to remind him of the party he lavished last year. Others were not so discreet. Some said they would skip dinner tonight to be hungry tomorrow morning. A few said they were prepared to fast the whole of today. Some others said they would take purgatives to clear their stomachs for Yusuf-bhai’s birthday tomorrow… Watch this space.
Harish Wadhwa:
Nice picture of Nahid-ji dashing to take shelter in the pouring rain as others watch and measure her speed. A very nice and timely shot!
Yusuf-bhai, aap ko abhi se hardik shubhkamnayen. Well, this is Ramzaan month and I am sure he will be busy with all the rituals in the evening and also fasting in the mornings. It would not be appropriate therefore to expect a treat.

Delayed Reaction

Ramila Mistry confronts Shekhawat

The Club was today witness to an unsavory row as the very purpose of congregating at the Garden every morning was brought to question. Was it to exercise? Or was it only to eat? And if it were the latter, who is responsible for informing absentee members that a party would be on?
According to Ramila Mistry, it is Shekhawat’s bounden duty to call everyone on phone every time a party/ treat is scheduled. And since he had failed to do so for the felicitation of Sitaram Hivarkar last month (ref post of June 20), she gave him a severe tongue lashing and threatened to resign from the Club.
Shekhawat was caught unawares and at a loss of words over this frontal attack. As it is, Ramila was never one to be serious about the exercises, given her record of turning up late and absenting herself for long spells. For her to wake up suddenly a month after the event and take Shekhawat to task was shocking.
Equally shocked were those who watched this sorry spectacle. Many pretended not to notice. When Ramila was told politely that it was not Shekhawat’s job to inform people on parties, she shot back: “If it was an individual’s party, I’d not have bothered.

Khatoon Baig leaves for USA

But since this was a Club event, I should have been informed!”
But why should anybody be duty-bound to inform her? If only she had been attending regularly, would she have reason to feel deprived? And why rake this up after a month? Where was she all these days? Is her interest in the Club limited to parties only?
These and many other questions were raised by seniors of the Club in an impromptu meeting and some even wanted to accost Ramila head-on. But they changed their mind, lest matters got aggravated. After all, nobody expected such aggressive behavior from her.
In all this unpleasantness, Khatoon Baig turned up to inform that she had finally got her U.S. visa. It has been her long-cherished dream to visit her relatives in Los Angeles and what could be any better than celebrating Eid with them next week? She leaves tonight and will be back on the last week of September. We all felt good for her and wished her bon voyage.
Jagmohan Papneja:
Big Laaf members are expected to follow a certain code of conduct whereby they should be respectful towards one another. Ramila Mistry is in no way justified at conveying her frustrations on Shekhawat-ji and turning it into a personal attack. Shekhawat-ji is not duty bound to inform members in any matter. Our members are lucky to have the facility of a blog to update themselves. Ramila is herself to blame not to read the blog. Her threat to resign from the Club for her own mistake does not make sense.
Arun Patil:
It is better Ramila keeps maun vrat (vow of silence). She is best when she does not talk.

Day 1349

Pic of the Week

Radiant colors and a sunny smile to brighten our grey mornings.

Harish Wadhwa:
Rab aapko aise hee hamesha muskurata aur hansta hua rakhe Shaji. His positive vibes rub off on everyone who sees this smiling picture or meets him in person.
Bhaswati Bose:
It is the pious look of his face and the goodness in his smile that together make the picture so beautiful!

Jokers All

Today's breakfast offering from Santosh Tyagi

If joker, as the dictionary reminds us, is ‘a person who tells jokes’, we should soon qualify to be all top-class jokers. What began as a routine Santosh Tyagi ritual (many call it 'morning naashta’ or breakfast) was partly taken over by Jagmohan Papneja who added his own share of wit and humour. Then Nahid Khan joined with her risqué jokes which raised more eyebrows than laughter. Occasionally Dilip Babani and Harish Wadhwa pitched in, adding more spice to the proceedings. Then yesterday, Srichand Arora regaled everyone with a new brand of joke narration. And today, Bhaswati Bose too became a joker!
The test of a joke narration is whether it is amusing enough to tickle the funny bone. It requires the skills of a seasoned raconteur, a sense of timing and above all, an emotional connect with listeners. So narrating jokes is no joke. In this, Santosh deserves huge credit as the ‘mother of all jokers’.

Happy Birthday, BHASWATI BOSE!

Every morning, without fail, she manages to rustle up a fresh set of jokes (never repeated) and deliver them in typical deadpan fashion that would only leave us red-faced and asking for more. Papneja is comparatively more slapstick, but just as hilarious and regular as Santosh. But the real ‘master’ used to be Kishor Babani. He was the one to have started it all and none among us can match him in the quality or quantity of jokes in his stock – not to mention, his unique delivery style.
The best joke today was triggered by Papneja when he compared girls of the past and present. “A girl of the 20th century would say that for the sake of her love, she’d sacrifice the world. And guess what a girl of the 21st century tells her beau? ‘I will sacrifice the old for the new’!”
Geeta Sardana agreed with Papneja and everyone burst into laughter, but somehow, it made no sense to Monthi Serrao. “But what will happen to the old?” she asked, genuinely confused. “Who will take him? Better to repair the old fellow and carry on, rather than take someone new, isn’t it?”
That was the joke of the day. And it was in this atmosphere of good humour and bonhomie that Bhaswati celebrated her birthday with a round of aflatoon sweets. Everyone sang and rejoiced with her and as usual, an extra laugh was raised to mark the occasion.
Harish Wadhwa:
A very Happy Birthday, Bhaswati-ji. Thanks for the lovely aflatoon. The usual morning chai and the sweet made my day, before I left for work.
Jagmohan Papneja:
Birthday Greetings Bhaswati, filled with love and blessings. You had such an interesting narration that everyone enjoyed the moments with pleasure and aflatoon. Wishing you a day that is special in every way. Happy Birthday, once again.

Wailing Woman

The distraught woman on the streets

Another rain-soaked morning – dark and gloomy. Nothing eventful, but for animated discussions in the China Hut on dipping water levels in the city’s lake reservoirs, rising prices of veggies, the all-pervasive sense of despondency, the challenges of living with dignity and so on.
At a distance, a lone woman wailed. Huddled in rags with a plastic raincoat around her frail body, she sat under a tree, alternately crying and talking to herself. Some people on the walking track stopped by out of curiosity, then walked away briskly. Others watched from far, too scared to get any close.
Everybody knew this woman. For nearly a year, she has been visiting the Garden in the mornings without fail. When she showed up initially, she said she was new to the city and needed a place to stay. She had the money. But nobody would let out even a bed to a woman, single and jobless. So she spent her nights on railway platforms and roamed the streets by day.
The woman claimed she had been working as a sub-editor with the news services division of All India Radio, Delhi.

Rain-soaked morning in the Garden

She quit the job when she was offered the position of a news editor in a private TV channel in Mumbai. There was no reason to disbelieve her as she looked bright and enterprising and spoke impeccable Hindi. But the narrative breaks there as she could not explain how and why she found herself homeless and jobless.
As time wore on, she became increasingly aloof and haggard. Money was obviously running out. One day, Shireen and her friends offered her some cash and she snapped: “I am not a beggar.” Another lady suggested she work as a maid for her. She refused. Mohar Singh offered to place her with a gurudwara in Four Bungalows which would take care of her food and shelter. Again, she declined. She said she wanted a decent job and not live off charity. One by one, her sympathizers gave up.
Today, they all agree she is losing her mental balance. Cold and hungry, she sat on the Garden bench, shivering in the wet morning breeze. And here we expounded on the price of tomatoes, state of the nation and living life with dignity. But she too has dignity.
Jagmohan Papneja:
It was great of you to write about the lady who came from Delhi to make her fortune in Mumbai. It is sad to note the difficulties she has been facing since. However, she has missed the opportunities offered to her by our colleagues. It appears she is living in a fool's paradise. She is the cause of her own suffering.

New Cues

Hari Singh Shekhawat

As the indisputable ‘ring master’ of our daily exercises, Shekhawat’s task is well cut out. He has to deliver cues at every stage of the free-hand session: ‘Hai Mera Dil’, ‘Kissa Kursi Ka – Doosra Padav’ and ‘Nachh Baliye – Teesra Padav’. Like compliant cattle, our job is to obey the master – sit down when he says to, stand up when he wants…
Once in a while, Shekhawat would deliberately invoke someone’s name or playfully ask a lady to sit on her haunches -- if only to test her stamina. We understand all that.

What are these gentlemen up to?

But who would have expected that those cues would suddenly change to 'Hai Mera Botal', ‘Doosra Padav’ would become ‘Doosra Peg’ and ‘Teesra Padav’ shall be ‘Teesra Peg’?
Oddly enough, it stops there. For that is what Shekhawat says is his “limit”. He cannot imbibe beyond three drinks in one session. And so, for the past week or so, we have been doing with 'three pegs of exercises' every morning, much to his infinite pleasure. So tickled is he about this new twist to the exercise routine that he isn’t even disclosing the real author of the botal and pegs. Believe it or not, he is none other than our Jagmohan Papneja!
Meanwhile, there’s been another development on the exercising front. We have evicted ourselves from the China Hut (it has been too claustrophobic out there) and relocated to a make-shift shed close by. It is far more breezy and well-lit out there, though the shed is still under construction and Srichand Arora had a hard time today with a bamboo pole trying to drain the tarpaulin roof of accumulated rain waiter. Otherwise the water would have kept dripping, leaving puddles on the concrete floor.
Incidentally, this was the same place where we had taken refuge during the monsoon last year.
Jagmohan Papneja:
Monsoon finally hits Mumbai. We are lucky to have a permanent shed and also a make-shift arrangement where we can do our regular exercises. But there is one area of concern. Despite heavy showers in city, lake levels continue to dip. If the catchment area doesn't receive sufficient rains, we are in for a crises. Hope conditions will change for the better.

Foul Weather

It rained all night. It was still raining in the morning when we arrived at the Garden. And it continued to rain as we did our exercises inside the China Hut. Only after we were done did the rain stop… just briefly, to start all over again with a vengeance.
Nobody expected anybody to turn up in this foul weather. But Santosh Tyagi, Sunita Jajodia, Nahid Khan and Shekhawat were already there, ahead of time. A cat gave them company. Soon Lakshmi arrived with a tiny dead mouse dangling in her hand. She had brought it in her car to offer the cat as its breakfast.
Shekhawat warned her that it was a vegetarian cat and would refuse to eat the mouse. He was clearly mistaken. Seeing Lakshmi, the cat dived from its perch on the wall, leapt over Shekhawat’s head and landed flat on the wet ground to devour the dead mouse.
The good thing about the monsoon this year was that there was no water-logging inside the Garden. Nor was there any slush near the Gate – a veritable ‘danger zone’ where countless men and women have skidded and lost their pride. Also, the interiors of the China Hut were unusually clean and dry without the regular caterpillars, centipedes and earthworms crawling all over the place. Or who knows, the cat had already made a meal of them, long before we showed up!
Watching the cat’s antics, Santosh and Sunita quietly left for home. The carnivores – Shekhawat and Nahid – stayed on for the exercises, making small talk about setting out on a picnic to Lonavala during the monsoon. Soon Arora arrived, dripping wet, having walked the distance from home with a dry umbrella folded neatly in the pocket of his shorts. Then Grover arrived, late for the first time. He was followed by Papneja, Teja Singh, Angad Singh, Kiran Makharia, Monthi Serrao… In the end, we were only eight today to wrap up the day’s routine.
Jagmohan Papneja:
At present Angel Xpress Foundation, an NGO is providing free education to about 60 under-privileged children of the locality inside the China Hut from 10:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. and from 2:00 p.m. to 3:30 p.m. Monday to Friday. They get the China Hut cleaned twice a day. As a result the floor remains neat and clean even as a lot of people use this place in the evening too. The cat's role has added to the cleanliness of the area.

Fits and Starts

Waiting for the rains to subside

Life in the Garden continues to move in fits and starts. In fact, it has become static for the better part of the mornings. And it will remain so for as long as the monsoon persists. The free-spirited exuberance and feeling of freshness while exercising out in the open sunshine can never be supplanted in the dank, restrictive confines of the China Hut. Nothing here is conducive to perk up anybody’s mood – except Shekhawat’s.
Here is a man who is always so full of beans that even the most depressing of situations cannot deter him from taking a dig at someone or the other. So while everyone went glumly through their motion or waited silently for the rains to subside, he got after Ram Shankar Shukla’s case with the single-minded determination of an LIC agent.

Shekhawat quizzes Shukla

Shekhawat had many questions for Shukla: How many gurukuls does he run? Where are they located? Who looks after them in his absence? What are the chances of him getting admission in one of them? Do the gurukuls have an inner sanctum like that of some famous godmen? What goes on inside? Does he also take refuge there? Will he lend him the keys?
All the questions were addressed loud enough for all to hear and as expected, Shukla remained evasive. Fact is, Shukla runs a clutch of coaching classes for economically deprived children (which Shekhawat impishly interprets as gurukuls) in the city suburbs. “I have just closed down two of them,” was all Shukla would divulge.
Of course, that information was not enough for Shekhawat. He kept needling Shukla and Shukla kept playing him on, knowing well it was all meant for public entertainment. There was no ill-feeling or any malice intended – just, plain unadulterated fun that only brought a smile on everybody’s lips.
Harish Wadhwa:
I did not know of this noble act of Shukla-ji. Kudos to him if he is still doing it. I liked the way you said, 'single-minded determination of an LIC agent...' LOL. This simile is indeed true and one has to keep away from those agents in real life.
Jagmohan Papneja:
Shukla-ji had earlier told us that he runs some computer coaching centers in the suburbs of Mumbai to impart training to children of economically and socially backward families. It is sad to note that two of the centers have closed down. It must be under circumstances beyond his control.

World Cup Final

Sunita Jajodia

The late-night telecast of the FIFA World Cup final in Brazil had taken a toll on today’s attendance at the Garden. We were barely a dozen this morning during the exercises – all groggy and bleary eyed after watching Germany defeat Argentina 1-0 in a keenly fought match to lift the trophy at 4:00 a.m. India time.
The most surprising part was the level of interest and the extent of knowledge our members evinced about football (and we always thought that everyone was a cricket fan) if only to prove how closely they had been following the tournament over the past month-and-half. Even Nahid Khan had an opinion. “The Argentine goalkeeper was actually tired out,” she proffered. “Or else, he wouldn’t have allowed that goal!” Clearly, she was an Argentina supporter – as indeed most of us were.
Against this backdrop, Sunita Jajodia’s absence had become the cause for some dark humour. Shekhawat informed that she had hurt herself by skidding in the bathroom and had been rendered immobile.

Santosh Tyagi offers prasad to Srichand Arora

During the conversation that followed, this was amplified as “Sunita had a big fall” (as though she was Humpty Dumpty) and before long, to “Sunita has broken her back”.
A little bird chirping continuously above our heads drew Arun Patil’s attention and he gamely assured Santosh Tyagi that there was nothing really to worry about her friend. “Sunita is up there sitting on the branches, making noise… Look, she won’t stop at all!” Santosh promptly disowned the bird.
Santosh however, had a surprise treat for us. She had conducted a satyanarayan puja in her house on Guru Purnima day (last Saturday) and came this morning with the prasad. Turning up late, Srichand Arora was taken aback when a ripe banana, some coconut slices and roasted flour were thrust at him. His head, still fuzzy with the World Cup hangover, could barely catch the words ‘prasad’ and ‘Guru Purnima’. Imagining that Santosh had turned into a spiritual guru overnight, he respectfully bowed his head and became her disciple on the spot. Not one to disappoint anybody, Santosh gave him her blessings.
Jagmohan Papneja:
Football is the most exciting sport in the world. Congratulations, Germany for winning the World Cup final of 2014. Mario Gotze's superb goal sealed the victory.
Harish Wadhwa:
* Mata Shree-Santosh Devi ka bahut bahut dhanyawad. Aap jaldi-jaldi aisee Satyanarayan Bhagwan-ji ki katha karti rahein, aur apne bhakton ko prasad baant-ti rahein. Sarey bhakton ko bhi tabhi santosh hoga.
* Hamein FIFA World Cup se kya lena-dena? India toh waise bhi ranking mein 150 sthaan par hai. Bhakti-aur pooja ke parinam jyada santosh pradan karne wale hote hain Big Laaf ke liye. Iss liye us mein man lagayen. Bolo Santosh-ima jee ki jai!.

Day 1342

Pic of the Week

Swiss Connection: Snapshot from a European Holiday

Harish Wadhwa:
Wonderful pic of Arora-ji and his brother with their families. If the pic can be so beautiful, the place must be great. I am tempted to go, but am not as lucky as them.

Wet Weekend

Jagmohan Papneja enlivens the morning

Whatever anybody might say, the rains can be a terrible dampener. It fills us with a sense of despair and gloom, killing all enthusiasm and forcing us into dark confinement – both physically and mentally. Energy levels drop to rock bottom and we are left praying for sunshine when we can be back in our elements.
Still, Jagmohan Papneja made a remarkable bid this morning at reviving our spirits by coming up with a volley of jokes on the bizarre realities of life we all know of, but seldom acknowledge. Narrated in his typically flamboyant style, he had us all in splits till Harish Wadhwa begged him for the paper he was reading out of.

Mohankanwar Shekhawat

Santosh Tyagi was to follow and soon another rumble of laughter filled the China Hut, only to bring Jagmohan back into action with a fresh round of jokes. Outside, it continued to rain relentlessly. But during those outbursts of joy and laughter, all else was forgotten.
The other bright spark of the morning was the news of Shekhawat’s wife, Mohankanwar not having to undergo a knee-replacement surgery. Little known to many, Shekhawat had been running from pillar to post, seeking diverse medical opinion on whether or not to go for the procedure. Given the fast deteriorating bone condition, he was about to hospitalize her earlier this week when doctors prescribed an alternative course of medication on a trial basis.
Today he informed that his wife is responding well and has found “great relief” from the medication. Latest tests also indicate marked improvement in the bone condition. The best part is that if she continues regularly with this new line of treatment, she should recover fully within four months and there will be no need for a surgery.
Harish Wadhwa:
The jokes were superb, Papneja-ji and so was the shayari by Santosh-ji. Could get to hear some good ones after a long dry spell. Do it more often.

Bitter Aftertaste

Jagmohan Papneja whacks the neem tree mercilessly

Every other morning, we are treated to something sweet – chocolates, luddoos, pedas… even jalebis on occasion. But today, for a change, we were left with a bitter aftertaste from the exercises, thanks to one lady.
Monthi Serrao had never known the taste of neem leaves. Or so she claimed. She kept leaping in her bid to reach up to a branch of the neem tree overhanging the spot where we exercise. Seeing her fail repeatedly at plucking a single leaf, Geeta Sardana chided her, “The grapes are sour!”
That too was news to Monthi. “Is that so?” she asked, apparently confused.
Now, this was getting too much for us. Was Geeta seeing grapes on a neem tree? Or maybe, Monthi was pulling Geeta’s leg. Or, who knows, neither of them had ever tasted grapes before.
A forever obliging Jagmohan Papneja procured a long stick from somewhere in order to put all confusion to rest. By then, a small crowd had gathered around. In his infinite wisdom, Jagmohan had taken upon himself to give Monthi a taste of neem. Sunita Jajodia too joined in, insisting she too wanted to taste neem. Only Teja Singh Bhambra was prudent enough to have nothing to do with this drama and discreetly made his way out.
Jagmohan gave one whack at the branch and a few twigs fell. He gave another whack and some dried leaves fluttered by. The third whack produced a shower of green leaves sending everyone scrambling to the ground. Jagmohan himself started to munch on a fistful of green leaves in a manner that would have done a horse proud – except that these tasted woaaaack! How did we know?
Monthi did the gracious deed of distributing the green leaves around. They were worse than neem.
Jagmohan Papneja:
Neem has attracted world attention for its medicinal properties. If you make it a habit to take neem leaves daily (bitter taste), it should control sugar and BP. But clinical studies do not confirm its efficacy and safety. Consult a doctor before taking neem leaves.
Harish Wadhwa:
What an amusing incident! I am sure people watching the trio, must have been in splits seeing a man whacking the poor and speechless neem tree to impress women, who finally woaaacked tasting its fruits. All of them must appear for the TV show Entertainment Ke Liye Kuchh Bhi Karega!

Return of Native

Welcome back, Arora-sah'b!

Another Indian has returned home. Close on the heels of the Boses’ trip to Europe (ref: post of June 7), Srichand Arora today registered his return from a fortnight-long holiday in Germany and Switzerland. “Anybody who has not seen Europe has not seen anything in life,” he announced while doling out German chocolates.
Quick on the uptake, Monthi Serrao remarked: “So let’s tell Shekhawat to organize a picnic to Europe immediately?”
From a distance, Arun Patil retorted: “Huh, we cannot even organise a trip to Lonavala and you are talking of Europe?”

Cause for panic

Arora’s return came as a welcome diversion for many who were seized by a snake scare in the Garden. Two days back, a so-called “baby cobra” was sighted at the very spot where we were exercising and despite warnings from Sunita Jajodia and Santosh Tyagi, we stayed put. “Do not worry, nothing will happen,” Jagmohan Papneja assured. “This is our area.”
“The snake was only one-foot long,” Geeta Sardana informed.

Exercising in the shadow of fear

“What if it bites?” Sunita challenged, having already shifted her position twice. “The other day a serpent showed up in the toilet of our neighbor and it refused to budge. A snake charmer had to be called to get rid of it.”
“Do you have the snake charmer's number?” asked Santosh. “Send him an SMS.”
In this shadow of fear and foreboding, Arora’s arrival came as a blessing from the blue. The first thing everybody noticed was that he was carrying a decently heavy bag, obviously full of goodies. And the other thing we noticed was that he was wearing trackpants instead of his usual shorts.
“How can shorts possibly change into pants?” Nahid Khan asked innocently, interrupting the exercises. “Do such miracles really happen abroad?”
Luckily for her, Arora wasn’t listening. He spoke at length of the fabulous time he had – the extended daylight hours, the wonderful buses in Frankfurt, abundance of fruits everywhere, the way Germans don’t only drink but also bathe in beer, the ongoing football fever, the habit of going about in bikes… Long after the exercises were over, he had a small group hovering around, eagerly lapping up every word he spoke.
Meanwhile, the Club had mentally given the baby snake a quiet burial.
Jagmohan Papneja:
Arora-ji, thank you for the wonderful gift of chocolates. It was absolutely lovely and enjoyable to eat. It was a good, thoughtful gesture on your part.
Harish Wadhwa:
I second every word of Papneja-ji. The important question is when are you going next, Arora-ji and Bose Dampatti? I suggest that office bearers keep a special tab on the 'return date' of the phoren-returning people. Dates should be announced on the blog at least a week before with a daily countdown. After all, we will all ensure that we welcome them personally.

Endearing Epithets

Nahid 'Bhai-jaan' Khan

It is not for nothing that Nahid Khan is called ‘Bhai’. She is the don of the Club – veritably a law unto herself – but in an endearing sense. A woman of few words, she couldn’t care what the world thinks of her. She keeps to herself and her self-assigned task of conducting the exercises, refusing to be drawn into any petty or personal dispute. But when she speaks, everybody listens. She is also the go-to person for anyone in trouble. Small wonder, even seniors like Srichand Arora and Shekhawat address her respectfully as ‘Bhai-jaan’.
So this morning, when she called out to Bhaswati Bose as ‘Ashanti’, no questions were asked (and no explanation expected). But everyone knew why, in her wisdom, Nahid had decided to award that epithet. Bhaswati invariably turns up late and the moment she joins the exercise circle, the chatter-boxes get into their act. Suddenly, a peaceful activity is disrupted by random cross-talk, giggling and cheeky one-liners with the likes of Monthi Serrao, Geeta Sardhana, Sunita Jajodia and Kajal Babani joining in like there’s no tomorrow. Santosh Tyagi too is part of this unruly group, but she’d inevitably shift the blame to someone else for making her talk!

Bhaswati Bose with Kajal Babani and Monthi Serrao

Yusuf Rassiwala used to politely address these talkative ladies as ‘Batuni Babies’. But Nahid’s 'Ashanti' takes it all to a hilariously new level. What the ladies talk so much about, only God (and Grover) knows. And why should they go berserk only when Bhaswati arrives is equally a mystery. Till she comes, everyone remains silent and military-like, earnestly going through each exercise in an orderly fashion. Her arrival destroys the peaceful atmosphere.
But then, if truth be told, this is exactly what we all wait for. Besides, ‘Ashanti’ and ‘Bhai-jaan’ are not the only sobriquets we get to hear. Sunita Jajodia loves to address Ram Shankar Shukla as ‘Qutub Minar-ji’. Bihari Milwani is still called ‘Happy Sunday’ by many even as he shows up on all other days of the week. Nobody minds. For, we all know, these are nothing but terms of endearment.
Jagmohan Papneja:
Bhaswati Bose values personal connections and the importance of maintaining good relations with colleagues. As such, she interacts with the ladies who also have the habit of joining late for the exercises. They all want to utilize the available time to the optimum, even while exercising. To overcome the ashanti matter, they all should come before time. That would give them sufficient time for interaction and chit chatting.
Bhaswati Bose
If my presence turns a dull proceeding lively, then I don't mind being called 'Ashanti'.

Wit and Raillery

Ram Shankar Shukla

The Club today heaved a collective sigh of relief when Ram Shankar Shukla surfaced in the China Hut. Nattily dressed in crimson polo shirt with steel grey trousers to match, the gangly 79-year-old presented a delightful contrast to what we had seen of him last on his birthday (ref: post of May 29). He was in miserable shape then. Ever since, there have been anxious inquires all around and as he was not taking calls on his mobile, concern about his health had only been mounting.

Santosh Tyagi takes a dig at Shukla

Jagmohan Papneja is in full flow

Shekhawat was clearly overjoyed on having his dear ‘Gurukul’ (that’s one of many names Shukla has earned in the Club) back and out of excitement, announced how his panacea-for-all-ills has worked. “I had advised him to take three stiff pegs of whiskey every night before going to bed and now, look at him. He is so fit and fine, raring to go!”
“You can give such advice to others, but not to your own people,” Sunita Jajodia snapped. “Let’s see you giving the same advice to your wife!”
“Shekhawat cures other people’s wives, not his wife,” Jagmohan Papneja reminded her, promptly triggering a roar of laughter.
“Doctors are supposed to prescribe medicines for others, not for themselves,” Santosh Tyagi pointed out in mock seriousness.
By then Shekhawat and Shukla were red in the face, enjoying the jibes at their expense. “Has anybody known a thief who steals from his own house?” quipped Papneja.
The lighthearted banter continued unabated with Shekhawat maintaining that only whiskey can save the human race from disease and destruction and Papneja interrupting the exercises with wisecracks like “Hai mera whiskey!”, “Kissa Kursi Ka, Doosra peg!”, “Nachh Baliye, Teesra peg!” Shekhawat was to eventually have his way, clapping solo to “Daru piyo, Daru piyo, Hey!!!” The unbridled raillery did not stop there. Santosh took a pointed dig at Shukla (of course, upon taking his permission) by narrating a joke about baldies and with Papneja joining in to add spice, the ongoing hilarity had to be terminated because we could not take it any more. Even for a laughter club, we had had our fill for the day and it was decided to save some laughter for the future.
All through, Shukla quietly chortled to himself, not talking much. It would take some more time for him to recover fully – whiskey or no-whiskey.

Unsettled

Savouring the goodies from Spain and Turkey

By July every year, the monsoon would be upon us, hammering down in all its demented fury. But this time around, none of it has happened. The rains continue to play truant and strangely enough, this leaves us in an unsettled state for the exercises every morning. One day, it could be wet and windy, forcing us to be closeted in the China Hut. And the very next day, it could be dry and sultry and we would be out in the open, sweating it out in bright sunshine.
Today, we were both in and out during the exercises. The laughter round was conducted in the China Hut since it had begun to drizzle the moment we got started. No sooner were we done than the drizzle stopped and we trooped outside for the free-hand exercises.

Bihari's greeting being read out

In all this tentativeness and given that almost all our Muslim friends are on fast because of the holy Ramzan, the biggest casualty had to be the attendance. We were no more than 15 this morning – mostly late-comers.
The good part about low attendance is that there would always be more than enough to go around should any one be throwing a treat. So today, with the Boses returning from their annual vacation, the dozen-odd present could gorge on multiple helpings of what was on offer -- bukhlawas from Istanbul (otherwise known as ‘Turkish Delight’), sponge cakes from Barcelona and typical Spanish cheese from Madrid. Someone even announced that he might as well be done with his breakfast in the Garden and promptly went for yet another helping of the eats.
The best part though, was reserved for the last. Bihari Milwani had brought along a large pictorial greeting, beautifully laminated, waxing lyrical on the wedding anniversary of the Boses gone by. It was a well-thought gesture, wittily worded, instantly evoking all-round applause and was read and re-read by all present. He gifted it to the Bose couple.
Jagmohan Papneja:
Welcome home, the Bose couple! Looks like you both had an amazing time. All those treats were yummy. Oh, that was an incredible assortment of items -- sponge cake, Spanish cheese, Turkish delight and what not. Thanks for the delicious sweets.