Slow and Fast

Ladies performing the Slow and Fast Laughter

We have a peculiar exercise, Slow and Fast as part of our laughter repertoire. It involves clapping to a normal Ho-Ho Ha-Ha laugh, followed by a rapid Huh! Huh! with both forefingers jerking up at every exhalation. The combination of these two actions is supposed to exercise the vocal chords and tonsils, keeps the thyroid glands healthy and most importantly, clears the lungs of impurities and congestion.
All that is fine. What is not fine is when the entire exercise session becomes an extension of the Slow and Fast Laughter – all because it might rain any time. This is a constant worry while exercising in the open during the monsoons. The pace of exercises slows down and accelerates according to the appearance of the sun and movement of clouds overhead.

Ved Prakash Grover

So every time the Garden turns dark and a silly black cloud looms in the horizon, the ladies would yell ‘jaldi-jaldi’ and insist on rushing through, lest we get drenched. Generally, the ‘teacher’ in the middle obliges. But if it is a Nahid Khan out there, she would continue with her unhurried sing-song ‘One… Twoooooooo… Threeeeeeeeeee…’ no matter what anyone says. People like Razia Khan and Sunita Jajodia get irritated and mimic her, prolonging every count even more.

Qadeer Bano

Others like Arun Patil would urge slowing down still further, arguing that the ‘exercises cannot be reduced to two-minute Maggie noodles’ (whatever that means). In the end, chaos prevails and everybody does their own thing till the heavens come tumbling down.
It did not rain this morning. But we rushed through the exercises so fast that in the end, Khatoon Baig had to angrily show her watch around to prove we were done 10 minutes before time. Before her, Ved Prakash Grover pulled out of the exercises, drew himself a chair and watched us silently. He was already feeling under the weather. And to put up with our erratic pace was just not his scene today.
But the best was Qadeer Bano. She simply walked away without looking behind. Later, she was to clarify that she had come to the Garden not to exercise, but get her backbone fixed by some monkey with a magnet. She said she was in grave agony and if she did not find him, she would have to catch some other chap born ‘ulta’ (upside-down) to put her out of misery. He should be giving her one hard kick where it hurts most and that would cure her back problem the fastest. All other forms of therapy, she believes, is ‘too slow’ to provide any relief.
Bhaswati Bose:
I am now on the lookout for an ulta-born person who can cure me. If he can't, he gets a return kick!
Harish Wadhwa:
Our spouses will gladly oblige with a solid kick to relieve us of any backache. That too at no charge. Try it at home and you will get instant results. All those who get no backaches should take this therapy regularly.
Srichand Arora:
Harish dear, I tried your suggestion but instead of relief from backache, the kick landed on my shoulder and see the result??? Please don't advise such therapy.