AGM 2018

ANNUAL GENERAL BODY MEETING OF BIG LAAF

A new Managing Committee has taken over, as per the Annual General Body Meeting (AGM) held in the China Hut this morning. Comprising Siba Prasad Maitra, Arun Patil and Derek Bose, the

Yusuf Rassiwala convenes meeting by reading out items on the agenda

three-member committee will hold office for a period of two years -- till 2020.
Significantly, members of this newly-constituted committee will also be serving as its office bearers, replacing Yusuf Rassiwala (president), Kiran Prakash (secretary) and Kajal Babani (treasurer). Yusuf Rassiwala, who retains his post of Chairman (Emeritus), convened the AGM with a brief welcome address, listing out the items on the Agenda.
A major highlight of the hour-long meeting was the Secretary’s Report on the year gone by. In keeping with the spirit of a laughter club, Kiran Prakash had deliberately peppered his text with witticisms and wisecracks, much to the amusement of everyone present. All the same, it was studded with hard facts on the activities of the Club over 12 months – the Annual Function, excursions undertaken, seminars/ talks organized, movie outings, weddings in the families of members and of course, the many celebrations, parties and treats. Kanta Sharma, a senior member who passed away on June 1, 2017, was also remembered on this occasion.
A contentious issue on determining the ‘optimal’ number for membership came up for discussion.

Kiran Prakash holds forth with his Secretary's Report

Opinion was divided on whether to actively invite new members or be content with the existing strength of 30 or nearabouts. It was clear nobody wanted a crowd (or deadwood), but surely some allowance could be made for inducting fresh blood, provided there is evidence of genuine interest in exercising. It was also decided NOT to waive off the Rs1,000 registration fee charged on fresh admissions.
Bihari Milwani, as always, presented his audit report and balance sheet for 2017-18, flagging the principal items of income and expenditure. In an exceptional gesture of appreciation and gratitude, Kiran Prakash presented him with a special gift for his pro bono services to the Club. Milwani’s chartered accountancy firm was formally appointed to audit our accounts for the year 2018-19.
In conclusion, Shekhawat brought the curtain down on proceedings by extending the customary vote of thanks and inviting all present for refreshments and tea at the Garden gate. Zareena Khan chipped in with boxes of light snacks in a ‘double celebration’ of sorts (see post of June 21) upon her seventh grandchild entering the family. To us, this was a wonderful bonus for attending the meeting!

Usual paperwork

Bihari Milwani

Zareena Khan

Kiran Prakash:
I welcome the new office bearers Maitra babu, Arun Patil and Bose babu and hope that under their leadership the Club will achieve newer heights. I also thank the erstwhile committee members and all others for their support during my tenure as Secretary of the Club. I shall always remember this. You all have done your best.

Bihari Milwani:
The three new committee members together make MBA -- Maitra-Bose-Arun!

Blog Monster:
Bihari Milwani has (surprisingly) got the order all wrong. It is Maitra-Arun-Derek. Maybe, Bihari was being polite!

Lt Col Angad Singh (rtd):
Congratulations to the new Managing Committee. I wish them a very successful stint. Certainly, the new team will bring new laurels to the Club. Three cheers to them!!!

Kiran Prakash:
Does the blog monster suggest that the new office bearers are MAD? Good for the club. We will be mad to perform.

Tongue Twisters

Chased by the rain, we land up outside the China Hut for the exercises

We like to stretch our arms wide while exercising and say, ‘Hai Mera Dil’. Arun Patil demands that we say, ‘Ardhakati-chakrasan!’
We like to sit on an imaginary chair and say, ‘Kissa Kursi Ka’. Arun insists that we say, ‘Ghutnachalankriya’!
We like to keep things simple but Arun unleashes a farrago of tongue-twisters like ‘hastapadasan’, ‘trikonasan’, ‘taadasan’... all yogic names conjured for simple free-hand exercises and yet another five variants with five equally unpronounceable names.
Matters reached a head this morning when Shekhawat refused to be drawn into Arun’s complex word play and stuck to his good old Hai Mera Dils and Nach Baliyes – easily understood phrases that have stood the test of time since the inception of the Club.
Yusuf Rassiwala tried to intervene, asking Arun to speak with some clarity – breaking each word into syllables – but to no avail. ‘What is the point?’ he retorted. ‘The other day I demonstrated how to clap, indicating the pressure points on our palms. But Shekhawat still claps like a eunuch!’
Shekhawat’s argument, like many others, is that we come to the Garden to de-stress ourselves and not to be burdened with a mouthful of words that make no sense. Arun’s counter-argument is that we are unwilling to correct ourselves, much like ‘we still insist on saying King’s Circle for the area that is actually Maheshwari Udyan’.
Arun now intends to circulate a pamphlet listing out the ‘real names’ of the various exercises we do, along with notes on the benefits we derive from each of them.
End Note: Bihari Milwani informs that today is Mallika Kagzi's 44th Wedding Anniversary. We wish her the very best on the occasion.

Kiran Prakash:
I too wish Mallika the best on her wedding anniversary. But will it be appropriate for the blog to wish only one such ex-member? There are quite a few ex-office bearers... The blog has to decide.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
What is there in a name? A rose will remain a rose and spread the same aroma whatever you may call it. Similar is the case with our exercises. They have been named simply for us to enjoy and feel happy. Let us continue to be amused and keep laughing.

Kinky Capers

Shekhawat shakes hands with Vijay Bhai (l) for the eighth time 

Vijay Jakhia is a dignified, much adored man in the Garden. Perennially dressed in spotless white, this tall and genial septuagenarian turns up at daybreak and makes it a point to greet everyone, man and woman, along the walking track. This has been his routine for the past 10 years, if not more.
Today, for some peculiar reason, Shekhawat decided to put the fear of god

Karuna Waghmare

in Vijay Bhai (as he is popularly known). After every round of the Garden, Shekhawat would run up to him and shake his hands. Till the third round, he took this in his stride. But when Shekhawat persisted – even breaking out of the exercise circle to shake his hands – Vijay Bhai looked alarmed.
‘Why is he behaving like this today?’ he exclaimed, still trying to smile. ‘Why is he after me?’
After the eighth momentous handshake, a terrified

Khatoon Baig

Vijay Bhai changed tack and settled on a bench at a distance. ‘Do you know why I am doing this?’ Shekhawat gloated. ‘He greets me daily with folded hands, but

Yusuf Rassiwala reminds everybody on the forthcoming AGM

with others, including women, he does not stop with a namaste. He bends down and actually shakes their hands!’
Shekhawat is elder to Vijay Bhai and obviously, knows him well enough to take liberties in jest. But then, it is also a fact that such kinky behavior betrays a level of senility that many of us have unconsciously been slipping into. How else would you explain, Karuna Waghmare abruptly breaking into a film song or addressing Arun Patil as ‘Bondhu’ for no reason?
There are many, when left alone, can be seen muttering to themselves. Instances of memory lapse are common. Khatoon Baig, an otherwise quiet and reticent person, often lashes out at Shekhawat without provocation. Today she admonished Naheed Siddiqui for turning up late, only to ‘pull her ears’. It sounded hilarious coming from one not known to be so expressive.
Viewed differently, the Club is perhaps the only place for them to turn self-assertive and let their hair down – to the point of being ridiculous.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
It is only in the Big Laaf club that members take liberties, unheard of earlier. Good. Keep enjoying.

Bright and Breezy

Crowding around for Banoo Apa's special Rooh Afza

Today was everything that yesterday wasn’t. The Garden had suddenly turned bright and sunny with hardly any trace of the

Bijoy Gupta

monsoon mayhem of the past few days (see posts). Even the grass was dry. Any discomfort caused by rising humidity levels was negated by intermittent gusts of wind blowing across all morning.
Attendance was also at its peak with even the ‘football fiends’ turning up in full strength. They had stayed up till the wee hours of the morning watching the live telecast of a crucial Argentina-Nigeria match played in the FIFA World Cup, Russia. Bijoy Gupta appeared totally dumb-struck, yet to get over the brilliant goal scored by his idol, Lionel Messi last night. He was however, unsparing towards Shekhawat and as usual, took digs at him – especially for the new shorts he was sporting today.
By and large it was an unusually pleasant morning, well spent. After the exercises, Banoo Apa provided the proverbial icing on the cake in the form of a cool, energizing glass of Rooh Afza. She informed (to a select few) that she adds a special ingredient to make this refreshing drink all the more refreshing – and appetizing. It is obviously a ‘trade secret’ we would rather she reveals some day.

Bihari Milwani:
Attendance in the Garden was good because Banoo Apa had secretly told some members about the Rooh Afza Party.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Good to know that a large number of members were present today to enjoy the exercises and the refreshing cool drinks, courtesy Banoo Apa. Good show.

Monsoon Stories

Swirling slush at the Garden gate

Trees have been crashing down, building walls collapsing, cars getting caught in cave-ins and mudslides, kids cheating death with overflowing drains and sewers, dead rats floating on flooded streets… One day of heavy rainfall has caused such havoc in Mumbai.
Today we got a breather. It did not rain so heavily in the morning and consequently, the turnout for the exercises was better than yesterday’s. Still, there were some glaring absences, each carrying an individual monsoon story.
Kiran Prakash, for one, had a harrowing time negotiating his way home (in Malad) after the torrential downpour yesterday morning. ‘I don’t think I’ll be able to make it every day as it is very risky driving through the blinding rain,’ he said, explaining his absence today.
Likewise, Siba Prasad Maitra is not taking chances in the foul weather after suffering a serious viral attack last week-end. He says he has recovered to a major extent (‘the fever has gone, my throat feels better’), but

Those who made it this morning

the physical weakness persists.
There are others like Nahid Khan who cannot afford to get wet after a cataract operation last Sunday. Banoo Apa is still under the weather and so is Bhaswati Bose. Bijoy Gupta has the late-night football matches (of the FIFA World Cup) as an excuse to ‘feel out of sorts’ in the morning and remain indoors.
But there are some positive stories as well. Karuna Waghmare has been ailing with some severe (and complex) age-related issues and yet, she can be seen all alone, walking stick in hand, feeling her way slowly through treacherous potholes and swirling muck in the morning.
Arun Patil is another. In spite of a crippling handicap -- he is without a leg and takes 45 minutes just to ‘dress up’ – he reports to the Garden on the dot for the exercises. This, after stopping on the way to pick Rukhsana Khan, a paraplegic, on his scooter.
And then there is Shekhawat. Whatever may be said of him, he is no spring chicken. Yet, he is the only one among us who can be trusted to be present in the Garden before time and flag the exercises every morning – come hell or high water.
We need to be inspired by them.

Lt Col Angad Singh (rtd):
One day's rain has shown how ready we were. Everything went out of gear and we are at the mercy of nature. But this is not surprising. Everywhere it is the same story. It amply proves that God does exist, at least in India. It is nice to know that a few bravehearts have taken courage to be present for today's routine despite the heavy odds. Cheers to them.

Bihari Milwani:
How come Bijoy Gupta was playing football when it was raining heavily -- that too in the night?

Three Men and a Crow

'It's the time to exercise!'

That was all the attendance we could get for the exercises today: Three mad men and one wet crow.
The crow was the first to arrive – flapping its wings furiously as it settled on a rod lining the China Hut. Drenched to the bones, it kept cawing incessantly from its perch, calling all ‘faithfuls’ to join in. Once the exercises began, it flew away.
The low turnout today was completely expected. It had rained all night and there was no sign of any let up in the morning. Dark thunderclouds hung heavy, the roads were flooded, the Garden was near deserted and earthworms had surfaced mysteriously inside the China Hut. It was darkness at dawn.
The good part was that Shekhawat did not abandon the exercises (as he had done a few days

The three exercise junkies seeking divine solace

back due to a virtual no-show). He however, wanted a short-cut by doing away with the tai-chi round, but on Kiran Prakash’s insistence, he relented. We went through the entire routine A to Z, rather than waste the morning.
But then, things would only get worse from here. The monsoon would intensify in the next few days with the met people predicting ‘heavy to very heavy rains’. Additionally, the World Cup football is on with all the best and not-to-be-missed matches scheduled between 11:30 p.m. and 1:30 a.m. Indian time. Anybody staying up so late in the night would be an idiot to show up in the Garden early morning.
In that sense, we are struck by a double whammy!

Bhaswati Bose:
Mr Milwani has made a PERFECT prediction (see Comments June 23). He is more accurate than the Met Department.

Bihari Milwani:
Crow expected that today also there will be a party. Unfortunately he had to be disappointed!

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
When the crow caws, it means more rain. This indirectly implies less people will budge out of their beds. Enjoy the morning rim jhim.

Anonymous:
How come Gandhi-ji did not come when his three lieutenants were there? Or had he come disguised as a crow?

DAY 2587

Pic of the Week

Only one lady is looking behind her shoulder. Does anybody know why?

She is counting how many members will vote for her in the elections due new week --Bihari Milwani

Awesome! 👍👍--Geeta Latte

She must be checking where the writing on the 'Swasthya Kendra' board has disappeared. --Kiran Prakash

Eid Party 2018

Eid Party with a difference -- over a round of antakshari

The floodgates of partying have indeed opened on us (ref post of June 20). After four major treats in as many days, we had

Banoo Apa arrives
fashionably late

our fifth big bash of the week today – the long-awaited and much talked-about Eid Party of the Club.
But it was more about the flooding in the Garden that we had to contend with this morning. In fact, the party was almost scrapped apprehending a low turnout because of the incessant rains since last night. The Club was equally divided over whether to carry on with the party or defer it till Monday. Ultimately

Shekhawat ready to
leave with his Eid box

a toss of the coin settled the matter and Arun Patil set out with Razia Khan to collect the food boxes from Jagruti, near Andheri Station.
Meanwhile, we shifted in and out of the China Hut while trying to dodge the rain. The exercises were conducted inside and since Arun was getting delayed, we spilled outside on the garden chairs for an impromptu session of antakshsari. Once

Celebration shifts inside the China Hut

it started raining, we were back inside the China Hut. This unintended game of hide and seek with the rain gods lent an added charm to the celebration this morning.
By then most of the members had somehow made it to the Garden -- including Pushpa Gupta, Karun Sharma, Naseem Khan and several others who had become scarce in the past few weeks. It was a happy gathering and an unusual event, given the inclement weather, but well embracing the spirit of Eid -- as the accompanying pictures would indicate. We left the Garden holding on to our food boxes, a happier lot.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
We have to follow certain rules while in the Garden. But for these rules, we would have enjoyed the food together in a better manner than having to carry the boxes home.

Bihari Milwani:
It is good that we had the Eid party today. Monday is going to be a very heavy rainy day.

Dilip Babani:
Very nice party given by Big Laaf. Everybody enjoyed antakshari also. Thank you Arun-bhai and Razia-ji and all the other members who helped in making the Eid party a memorable event.

Cutting the Flab

Yusuf Rassiwala addresses members of the Club after the exercises 

The Club today took a significant decision to reduce the composition of its managing committee from nine members to three while calling for immediate elections. These three members, would in effect, constitute the office bearers of Big Laaf.
Yusuf Rassiwalla also extended a warm invitation to all members for the Eid Party being hosted by the Club tomorrow. ‘It would give us great pleasure if everyone is present and nobody gets left out,’ he said.
The decision to cut the managing committee to size was spurred by certain hard facts which had made it untenable to sustain extra flab. It was explained that in a large club of say, 200 or 300 members, having nine people on the committee may make sense, but not in a club our size.
Moreover, to have almost one-third of the total membership drawn into a managing committee dilutes its importance and gives rise to needless ego clashes. A small, compact and cohesive committee will be much more effective -- not to mention, be constantly on notice as it can easily be replaced.
What’s more, the pool of eligible members for election gets expanded automatically. This is in keeping with the Big Laaf policy that once having served their term, members of a committee must make way for fresh blood.
For the record, the memorandum and bye-laws of the Club permit a minimum of three members and a maximum of nine on the committee – apart from the provision of co-opting two additional members. Yusuf R and Shekhawat remain the two Chairmen Emeritus of the Club.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
A small Managing Committee is ideal for a Club like ours. It is good that its size has been pruned. Let's hope that the new committee will bring new zeal and energy among all members.

Bihari Milwani:
Wow! Now we can have more members for constituting a sub-committee for parties.

Yet Another Treat

Zarina Khan treats us to luddoos

Close on the heels of Bihari Milwani, Nahid Khan and Banoo Apa (see previous posts), it was Zarina Khan’s turn today to treat us to sweets. Her youngest son, based in Qatar, has become a father. And she becomes a grandmother seven times over.
Amid all the congratulatory hugs and back slapping, Zarina declared that her ‘cup of happiness’ was now full. When Siba Prasad Maitra jokingly advised her to ‘raise a football team’, she thanked the Almighty for being blessed with three sons and together with their families and children, she

Zarina Khan

has started feeling like a grand matriarch.
Kiran Prakash promptly composed a song to mark the occasion, ‘Happy dadi-amma to you’ – sung in tune

Shekhawat exchanges pleasantries with a new member

with the birthday song – with everyone joining in. Shekhawat too came up with a peppy number -- ‘Dadi-amma, dadi-amma maan jao!’
The celebration was a happy culmination to what began as a pesky morning with tiny ants all over the place and seemingly targeting only Nahid Khan during the exercises. Arun Patil would not believe that ants can be so selective in their approach and suggested that Nahid either shift her position or simply ignore the ants and carry on with the exercises.
Nahid stayed put in her place and kept protesting, even accusing Arun for being heartless while she was being subjected to intense pain. Shekhawat seized the opportunity and ticked off Arun for always talking out of turn. And Bijoy Gupta, not to be left behind, blamed Shekhawat squarely for letting loose an army of ants in the Garden, much to Nahid’s grief.
A vexatious situation was thus made light of -- even as many others could also feel ants climbing up their pants. We all know this to be an occupational hazard. Ants are bound to show up with the onset of monsoon and we have been dealing with them every year. Why should this year be any different?

Bihari Milwani:
Now that Zarina has seven grandchildren she can probably name them Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
After a long dry spell which started with Ramzaan, it's celebration time now after Eid. Good to enjoy sweet parties, but do mind your bellies. Ants and other insects are harbingers of the rainy season. They will keep you company for some time. Enjoy these creatures of nature.

Party Time Again

Happy Birthday, NAHID KHAN 

Karuna Waghmare presents birthday calendar

It’s party time, once again at the Garden. The drought, which lasted over a month, got over yesterday when Bihari Milwani sprung a surprise treat on us (see post) soon after the exercises.
Today it was Nahid Khan’s turn. She too showered us with goodies – biscuits and Frooti tetra packs – to mark her birthday. What’s more, Banoo Apa’s son-in-law has just won a prestigious acting award. So she also celebrated in style – with refreshing Rooh Afza.

Handing out the goodies

Banoo Apa treats us to Rooh Afza

Nahid had come suitably decked for her big day – in midnight-blue salwar-kameez embellished with beautiful gold embroidery. She is a person of taste (who actually designs and tailors her outfits) even as her abiding image in the Club is that of a ruff-‘n’-tuff underworld don. In fact, it was in this no-nonsense avatar of ‘bhai-jaan’ (as many call her) that she has been featured on the cover of her birthday calendar.
There was of course, the ritual of singing the birthday song with everybody dancing and clapping around her. Earlier in the morning, we raised an extra ‘fourth laugh’ for Nahid – another time-honored ritual accompanying every birthday in the Club. In sum, it was a short and sweet celebration with loads of love, warmth and happiness.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
True to the spirit of celebrations, Nahid Khan's birthday gave an impetus to enjoying goodies all over again. I wish Banoo Apa's son-in-law more awards in times to come. Keep celebrating and laughing.

Blog Anniversary

Bihari Milwani (l) celebrates with Perks

Only Bihari Milwani could have done this. Who else on earth would have known, let alone remembered when this blog was launched and then, gone on to celebrate its anniversary? Not even the Blog Monster had the faintest idea that we had completed eight years to the day and ought to make a celebration of it today.
But then, it must also be said that Milwani has ceased to surprise.

Gupta informs of a viral video on Shekhawat   

It is almost a given now that if anybody should know anything about the Club, he is the one. What makes him even more unreal is how lightly he carries his knowledge, revealing only as much as required and that too, at appropriate times. Needless to say, what he utters is never contested.
So this morning, when he threw us a teaser, we were all on the backfoot. ‘We are to celebrate someone’s birthday today,’ he announced, holding open a box of Perk, the choco-wafer. ‘Any idea who this can be?’

Yusuf Rassiwala informs about Eid Party and the next AGM

Seeing the mass of blank faces, he became a little considerate. ‘Okay, I’ll give a hint. It is present among us. Another hint: It is eight years old…’
Indeed, the blog has completed eight years, having been launched on Saturday, June 19, 2010. The first post, Merry Men of Lokhandwala was a reproduction of a report that had appeared in My Times, a publication of The Times of India (see post) and served as a curtain raiser of what Big Laaf was all about, the kind of exercises we do, the other activities, movers and shakers, etc.
Little had we known then that this blog would become a rallying point around which the Club would grow and more importantly, bring members and their extended families together on a common platform to bond and interact on an almost daily basis. The Club, in fact, has acquired its name from the blog.
Today, we have notched a phenomenal 2,500-plus posts and nearly one million hits from all over the globe – a feat, few existing blogs can claim. Thank you Bihari Milwani, for telling us we have survived.

Bihari Milwani:
We are a FAMILY. We not only create reasons, but also invent events to laugh out loud and prove that we are rightly called BIG LAAF.

Bhaswati Bose:
Amazing, what a phenomenal memory Mr Milwani has. He is a super computer. It was also very nice of him to celebrate the occasion with choco-wafers.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Mr Milwani is a walking wikipedia. He knows all the important events of the Club and its members. He always surprises us and makes the event enjoyable. Three cheers to him. It is a happy occasion to know when the blog was inaugurated and see its growth. Good luck to the Club and its members. Keep laughing.

Happy Reunion

FULL HOUSE: Happy days are here again!

Today was the first day of the exercises after Ramzaan–Eid. And what a sight it was! The Garden had magically transformed into a beautiful fairyland of colors, buzzing with laughter and easy bonhomie as we reveled in the cool aftermath of an overnight shower.

Exercises under an overcast sky

There were 15 of us today – the ladies, most of them turning up in their festive best for what was to be a happy reunion of sorts.
This was in sharp contrast to the desultory and distressful spell of oppressive heat and humidity during which just four or five (at best six) used to show up for the exercises.

Banoo Apa is not well

Our friends, returning from their Ramzaan break, have obviously ushered in the good times with them.
The month-long fasting and prayers seems to have done them a world of good as well. Nahid Khan has recovered fully from the nasty fall which had impeded the movement of her right arm. Yusuf Rassiwalla looked unusually fit and trimmed down for his years. Likewise, Naheed Siddiqui showed no signs of fatigue or listlessness, even reporting for the exercises early.
The most discernible change though, could be seen in Khatoon Baig. Many went up to compliment her for looking exceptionally ‘healthy and happy’ – a huge improvement from the drowsy, disoriented and stressed out person we had seen a month back. Obviously used to such adulation, she said she would now be staying with her folks in Dadar whenever she needed to recoup her health.
Sadly, Banoo Apa was the only exception. She came limping slowly into the Garden, holding her back in obvious pain and unable to talk properly. She was not her usual self. Turns out she had taken up a major spring-cleaning work at home (in place of a help who ditched her at the eleventh hour) and hurt herself badly. She could as well have taken rest today, but came to the Garden mainly to touch base with old friends -- such is her attachment with the Club. We wish her a speedy recovery.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
It is good that members are making efforts to come regularly for the exercises and laughter. The fasting is useful and always beneficial for health. I hope Banoo Apa is fit soon.

Bihari Milwani:
Even Lord Varun, the rain god was happy with our reunion today. He did not disturb our exercises.

DAY 2580

Pic of the Week

DON'T THEY LOOK FAMILIAR? ANY CLUES?

They represent the values of the club... Or are they just advising each other? --Kiran Prakash

They must be setting an example for everyone to follow. --Bhaswati Bose

Three musketeers giving sane advice --Angad Singh

They are rehearsing new methods of laughter yoga to be put in practice from June 21, 2018, the International Yoga Day. --Bihari Milwani

Football Fever

Effect of football match last night between Portugal and Spain

The FIFA World Cup in Russia is just two days under way and already football mania has hit feverish pitch. With die-hard football fans like Siba Prasad Maitra, Bijoy Gupta (a champion mid-fielder back in time) and the Boses in our midst, it was only natural that attendance for the exercises would take a severe beating. After all, you don’t expect people glued to their TV sets till 2:00 a.m. to show up in the morning, fresh as daisy.
Today, we were just four for the best part. Gupta had sounded us in advance that he would take a break in view of the fixture between former world champions Portugal and Spain last night. As a hardcore football follower he had predicted it would be a cliffhanger, not to be missed. ‘No matter what anybody might say, my reading is that it will not be a one-sided match,’ he declared.
How true he was. The match, which ended in a 3 - 3 draw, produced an electrifying, nail biting clash between two evenly-matched giants – Spain playing on the strength of supreme ball control and team work and Portugal relying on the genius of ace striker Cristiano Ronaldo (who scored his 51st hat-trick).
‘It is called haddahaddi ladai,’ Maitra observed midway through the match in his WhatsApp group at 00.05 hrs. Excerpts from the conversation that followed:
‘Yes, both teams are equally good,’ Bhaswati Bose responded.
At 00.15 hrs Dilip Babani got into the group: ‘GOAL! 2 goals Ronaldo.’
Maitra 00.16 hrs – Though Spain attacks are more, but Ronaldo, the great player, is utilizing each opportunity.
Dilip 00.17 hrs – Wah, kya match hai!
Maitra 00.18 hrs – Now going to sleep.’
Bhaswati 00.18 hrs – DON’T. Don’t go to sleep.

Discussions over last night's match over hot-hot tea

How can u sleep when Ronaldo is playing? Fireworks r yet to start.’
Dilip 00.19 hrs – I will see full match. Saturday–Sunday holiday.
Bhaswati 0020 hrs – Spain has tasted blood. Woh nahin chhorenge!’
Maitra 00.21 hrs – You are right. All are awake. Chalo dekhte hain. Spain will not leave easily.
Bhaswati 00.22 hrs – Husband is pouring extra drink in your name.
Maitra 00.23 hrs – Cheers!
Maitra 00.42 hrs – 2 - 2
Maitra 00.45 hrs – 3 – 2
Bhaswati 00.46 hrs – Yeh kya hua?
Maitra 00.46 hrs – Spain will win.
Dilip 00.46 hrs – Tension. Beer mat piyo.
Bhaswati 00.47 hrs – Wait… Portugal abhi nahi haar manega.
Maitra 00.48 hrs – Number of total attacks is much more from Spain so far.
Bhaswati 00.48 hrs – True, ball is mostly in Portugal half.
Dilip 00.49 hrs – Portugal strong team nahin hai kya?
Bhaswati 00.49 hrs – Now take whiskey on the rocks.
Dilip 00.50 hrs – Shandy piyo. Saath mein kaju pista aur potato wafer. Humne toh Lucky chicken biryani khaya.
Maitra 00.52 hrs – Good. I have taken pure veggie and no drink tonight.
Bhaswati 00.55 hrs – Not required actually. Match mein hi nasha hai.
Bhaswati 01.17 hrs – What a goal by Ronaldo! MAGIC!
Dilip 01.27 hrs (obviously waking up from sleep) – Wah Ronaldo!
Maitra too had fallen asleep. Today, at 11.01 hrs, he confirmed: ‘I was in front of the TV which was on but my eyes were closed. Couldn’t see the last goal.’

Bihari Milwani:
If this is the excitement on a Portugal vs Spain match, I can’t imagine what will happen if BIG LAAF were to play Rest of Andheri.

Siba Prasad Maitra:
Blog Monster, you are great. You have reproduced the group's entire conversation of that night and next day morning from WhatsApp. Now I will have to be careful in making any comment in the group. But it's true, excitement over the match was really high. Further, I would like to convey EID MUBARAK to all our members and their families.

Locking Horns

Arun Patil

Conventional wisdom holds that you must never show off in a group when a woman is present. If she is a newcomer, you need to be doubly careful. For nobody can say when another ‘alpha male’ would rise and suddenly challenge your bragging rights – just to impress the female!
This was precisely what happened this morning when Arun Patil and Shekhawat, in a surprising display of machismo, got into competitive chest-thumping in the presence of a new lady who had joined us for the exercises.

Bijoy Gupta blames Shekhawat (in green) for offending Arun 

It was totally unnecessary. But both are hot-headed primates eager to prove who is the boss of the group.
The rest of us were reduced to mute spectators while Arun pulled up Shekhawat for his playful antics (nothing new), waywardness (nothing new) and frisky behavior (again, nothing new) while

EID MUBARAK!
Yusuf Rassiwala

the exercises were on. Not one to pay heed, Shekhawat did the unexpected today by standing up to Arun and insisting that he would do as he pleases. ‘You are no one to stop me,’ he growled. ‘And you better stop your tokam-toki.’
This amounted to showing a red rag to the bull. Arun raised himself to his full height and the inevitable followed – Arun asserting that his writ shall prevail in the Club and Shekhawat defying him point blank, Arun threatening to leave the Club if Shekhawat persisted… and even walking out of the exercises and funnily, Shekhawat running after him and calling him back.
It was a hilarious tamasha. All this while, the lady in question watched with amusement the two seemingly mature and elderly men locking horns and trying in vain to assert their non-existent authority. Eventually, she was the first to walk out of the exercises, midway, smiling to herself.
Only thereafter, did sanity return.

Bihari Milwani:
I am sure these two stalwarts were playing games in order to bring a smile on the new member and justify their being members of BIG LAAF.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Both Arun and Shekhwat are old hands, well aware of the etiquette to be observed. But they should be polite, especially when a new face is present. If we indulge in antagonizing one another, it gives a bad impression. Please exercise restraint and do keep laughing. All said and done, laughter is still the best medicine.

Instant Remedy

'You must have four aloo-parathas', Gupta tells Karuna Waghmare (l)

Karuna Waghmare has not been keeping well of late. She looks weak, walks with halting steps and her voice has turned quite feeble. The tremor in her right hand is still there. But she tries to put up a cheerful face and is dismissive about her condition. “Age is catching up,” she smiles.
Bijoy Gupta is however, not convinced. “What are you saying, Karuna-mayi?” he buttonholed her this morning. “You have to live another 20 years. You need to eat four aloo-parathas every morning together with double-egg omelet and one full glass of milk laced with almonds and honey. Only then will you be able to regain your strength.”
“No, that way I will end up going straight to heaven!”
Karuna says that she may not look it, but

Siba Prasad Maitra

she is already a grand-mother and what’s more, a great grandmother to a three-month boy. “He’s born in Canada,” she informs. “I want to go there and see him, but my health does not permit. Maybe later this year, I should make it.”
“Of course, you would make it,” Gupta said encouragingly. “Just come to the Garden regularly and exercise with us. All your problems will disappear automatically.”
It seems Karuna was recently prescribed some ayurvedic health supplements and to her utter dismay, she began to age rapidly. “My skin became loose and wrinkles started appearing everywhere. I could not recognise myself. In three months, I had turned into an old hag. Funnily, when I stopped the medication, my skin returned to normal.”
Karuna’s main concern now is the tremor in her hand which seems to be worsening by the day. Some time back, Siba Prasad Maitra had suggested she check a new drug in the market, but only after consulting her doctor. Sadly, the lady has made no headway yet on this count.
Meanwhile, we are told that Maitra is down with a viral affliction – which explains his absence from the Garden in the last two days. Let’s hope he recovers fast and is able to enjoy the World Cup football starting today in Russia. We look forward to his company in the mornings.

Bihari Milwani:
I wonder how Gupta-ji was suggesting aloo-parathas for Lioness. He should have suggested chicken or mutton parathas.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
We all are senior citizens and we should be very careful about our food during the rainy season. We should be choosy and eat only easily digestible foods. Whether it rains or shines, we must come to the Garden to enjoy the exercises and laughter. Leave the rest to Almighty.

‘Calcutta Mail’

Calcutta Mail vs Jaipur Express

Confusion reigned supreme this morning as two ‘trains’ took off simultaneously in opposite directions at the end of the free-hand exercises. One was the 'Jaipur Express' led, as usual, by Shekhawat. And the other was called 'Calcutta Mail', led by Bijoy Gupta and meant to challenge Shekhawat’s pet obsession.
The ‘train’ has in fact, become more than an obsession. For the past couple of years, it has given Shekhawat a much-needed ego trip as leader of the group and he actually expects all else to follow him on it round the exercise circle.
He goes to great lengths in soliciting 'passengers' to join his Jaipur Express and it is always a matter

Bihari Milwani

of huge pride for him when he makes a home run with 100 per cent participation. Childish as it may all seem, he has even celebrated this personal triumph with a lavish treat for the Club on two occasions.
To cut a long story short, Gupta has always made a pretense of being jealous of Shekhawat’s following and today, he got his chance to demonstrate his popularity in the Club. He started his Calcutta Mail thus and advised Shekhawat to take voluntary retirement as he was no longer fit to drive a train. “You are fit to drive a rickshaw only,” Gupta quipped.
Little known to many, this was not entirely Gupta’s idea. Nor was this happening for the first time (ref post of May 5, 2018). The trigger this morning had come from an unlikely quarter – Bihari Milwani. He planted the seed of Calcutta Mail in Gupta’s head and quietly stepped back to watch the fun.
Now, here is a man who maintains a low profile but is constantly on the alert, bristling with ideas, quick on the uptake and, as we all know, a repository of numerical data – especially on birthdays and anniversaries. When in doubt, Milwani is our go-to man. And he can never be wrong.
There is also an impish side to him that followers of the blog would discern from his pithy comments on various posts. On the ground though, nobody would know when he pulls a fast one – least of all Shekhawat (as it was this morning). To him Milwani shall always be “Baanke Bihari Lal”, another name for the playful blue-bodied god.

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
Running trains in opposite directions is alright so long as they reach the station of origin without a mishap. Welcome to the new train. Enjoy the ride and keep laughing.

Bihari Milwani:
Wow! Calcutta Mail ran 'house full' on its maiden journey!

One-minute Rain

Siba Prasad Maitra (r) holds forth on the importance of Vitamin D

After weeks of speculating over the arrival of monsoon and relief from the oppressive heat and humidity, we were today rewarded with rainfall lasting a minute. We promptly suspended our exercises and rushed for shelter under a tree. But before even a single umbrella could be opened, it was all over!
So much for monsoon striking Mumbai.
Now we are told by the met guys that it will not rain before Thursday/ Friday. While this is in conformity with Bihari Milwani’s prediction (see his comments yesterday), Arun Patil is not so hopeful. “The ants have not come out yet,” he pronounced. “Only when you see rows of black ants everywhere can you be sure that monsoon is round the corner.”
Arun’s know-it-all posturing extended to medical science when issues of osteoporosis

Karuna Waghmare

and calcium deficiency in old age came up. While Siba Prasad Maitra stressed hard on the need for Vitamin D and explained why calcium has to be taken with a certain percentage of potassium, Arun dismissed it all: “Aisa kuchh nahin... All

Lion-Lioness Laughter: Shekhawat and Gupta

you need to take is seasonal fruits and plenty of vegetables.”
A startled Maitra was left with no words, but to remark: “Arun, you know so much, we should institute a special degree for you, like Doctorate of Everything or something like that!” It was said in lighter vein and fortunately, Arun took it as a compliment: “I am merely conveying what our mothers and grandmothers have been prescribing.”
Karuna Waghmare added her own brand of humour by abruptly derailing the conversation: “I saw Arbaaz Khan at the passport office. He wants a visa to go abroad with money made from satta…” Karuna was showing up after a month and plans to visit Canada shortly.
Earlier in the morning, Bijoy Gupta dealt a masterstroke on Shekhawat during the Lion-Lioness Laughter round. Meant to just clear the throat, this exercise has now become a grand show of raw machismo and beastly aggression between the two, one trying to out-growl the other. Gupta had conceded defeat recently and labeled Shekhawat as the “Lion without a Tail”. Today also he ran out of breath and seeing Shekhawat still growling non-stop at him, he snapped, “Chup!”
Obediently Shekhawat shut up and withdrew quietly!

Lt Col Angad Singh (retd):
You see the effect of one minute of rainfall. Everyone is full of gusto and you can hear so many remarks. Prior to rain, everyone was miserable and did not like to talk. Now everyone had found a lot of energy for the exercises and also talk. Hurrah, welcome to the rains!

Bihari Milwani:
Laughter is the best medicine for all ailments. So make BIG LAAF into BIGGER LAAF or BIGGEST LAAF. Come in time for the exercises and be there till the end. Be assured that there will be no deficiency of any vitamin -- from A1 to Z99!!!

Comfort of Numbers

Arun Patil conducts the exercises today 

Semblance of a full house

After a hot and dry Sunday, the ‘heavy rain' warning sounded by the met jokers has been downgraded now. This only proves what Bijoy Gupta had been saying since Saturday (see post) – that there will be no rain any time soon and that all the talk of flooding and drowning was nothing but a false alarm.
Still, Shekhawat looked worried early morning and debated whether to abandon the exercises today also if nobody turned up. “In that case, why don’t you conduct the exercises for a change?” Gupta prodded mischievously. “After all, you are an ex-military man and nobody can exercise better than you.”
Shekhawat was reluctant. He pinned his hopes on Arun Patil and Kiran Prakash – the two past masters at conducting the free-hand exercises from start-to-finish. All the others, including Nahid Khan, Yusuf Rassiwala and Razia Khan were on a break because of Ramzaan.
Soon Arun Patil showed up and Gupta got his chance. “Look here, what Shekhawat has been saying about you,” he exclaimed. “He says Arun is totally incompetent and incapable of conducting exercises. He says he can do it much better than you.”
Shekhawat did not bother to counter him and Arun was to realize that he was being taken on. In time Siba Prasad Maitra, Kiran Prakash, Dilip Babani and Bihari Milwani appeared and a semblance of full-house could be restored for the exercises.
Somehow, the question of numbers has become a major concern for the Club these days. Every time attendance drops (for whatever reason), the worst is imagined: that there would be a mass exodus and we would be reduced to bare bones. That absence from exercising costs the individual more and the Club less is seldom taken into consideration. We like to simply believe in the comfort of numbers.

Bihari Milwani:
Even Lord Varun, the rain god is fasting during Ramzaan. Once the fasting month gets over, he will descend with full fury.