Cashless Bank

First meeting of the Board of Directors of BIG LAAF COOPERATIVE BANK LTD 

In keeping with the mood of the times, the Big Laaf Cooperative Bank Ltd (ref post of September 27) shall be a “cashless bank” with minimal paperwork. This was unanimously decided by the bank’s Board of Directors in their first meeting

Rukhsana Khan

held in the China Hut soon after the exercises today.
“We shall however, be required to put in Rs5,000 individually towards cost of printing cheque books, pass books and basic stationery,” informed Razia Khan, the chief promoter of the bank. “Beyond that, I do not think we would have to spend on anything else. All operations will be online and done digitally to ensure total transparency.”
None of this made any sense to Rukhsana Khan. She took it to be some kind of a “kitty group” till Razia updated her on the PMC Bank debacle (ref post of September 25) which necessitated the opening of a new bank. “So anybody who has the key to the tijori can merrily walk away with all the cash?” she asked in all innocence.
On this, no one had any answer. But in the course of discussions, what emerged was a genuine concern about safeguarding our savings for the future and the absence of a “reliable bank” we can repose our trust on. The general consensus was that too many banks were collapsing and nothing can be said even of the most reputed and oldest of banks.
Hence the need for Big Laaf Cooperative Bank Ltd!

DAY 2907

Pic of the Week

Before

After

"Yay! I made it through the surgery!!!"

Qaidi No 1603 (16th March) is missing. Finder will be rewarded two Cadbury Eclairs --Bihari Milwani

Change of girl to boy is called transfer, transmission, transposition... or something else. --Anonymous

Yes, looks like he was wearing a nightie initially! --Bhaswati Bose

Yeh dekho, 70 saal ka budha mein jawani aa gay. Ladki ko aankh maar raha hai! --Anonymous

Thinking Big!

Razia Khan

Razia Khan popped an interesting proposal that won her instant support. “Why don’t we open a bank?” she suggested. “Every joker seems to be opening a bank these days. We’ll name our bank ‘Big Laaf Co-operative Bank Limited’. All our members shall be on its Board of Directors. And then we'll scoot with the cash!”
Hilarious as this may sound, Razia appeared dead serious. Having sunk her lifetime savings in the beleaguered PMC bank (ref post of September 25), she has been at her wits’ end on how ordinary citizens are supposed to secure their cash. In sharing her concerns, she betrayed a complete loss of faith in the banking system.
But unlike the day-before-yesterday, she did not allow despondency to get the better of her.

Mulling over the bank debacle

The announcement of raising the withdrawal limit from Rs1,000 to Rs10,000 might have made a difference. But more than anything, the chanting of “PMC, PMC, PMC…” instead of counting “1, 2, 3, 4…” during the exercises helped bring some cheer in the China Hut. This was just another way of turning adversity into advantage.
And so the jokes flew thick and fast – as did rumours. One strong rumour suggests that a tall, mythical sardar-ji claiming to be a PMC director, used to visit the Garden every evening. Apparently he prevailed over Celebration Club next door to pump all its funds into PMC. He can no longer be sighted!
Part of the reason for such forced humour is an unmistakable streak of optimism that has crept into depositors like Razia. The festive season is round the corner and so is the state election. The general feeling is that the ruling BJP will per force intervene next month and resolve the issue by Dussehra-Diwali. Or else, it will not get our votes!
In other words, this PMC bank debacle is nothing but a political stunt.

Lt Col Angad Singh (rtd):
This club has taught us many lessons. One of them is how to be happy even in adversity. Our esteemed members are trying to remain cheerful in a difficult situation. All the same, those having accounts with PMC Bank should form an association and represent the case to all prospective MLAs to sort out the issue. Wish you all success.

Monsoon Recedes

Chilling out in the China Hut after the exercises

Our days of exercising and chilling out in the China Hut looks numbered. Now that the monsoon is on its last leg, we should soon be returning to our old corner in the Garden, out in the open. It had rained in bits and spurts yesterday, but by and large our mornings have been dry and sunny of late.
The official date for the withdrawal of monsoon from Mumbai, as announced by IMD, is September 27, i.e. tomorrow. But today, torrential rains lashed neighbouring Pune claiming over a dozen lives and a still heavier downpour is being forecast for the next 48 hours. You do not need IMD to be told that its effects would be felt in Mumbai also.
Still, the sight of clear, blue skies on most mornings has come as a huge relief. We have had the most devastating monsoon in decades. Yet, we have not missed our exercises even for a day – thanks largely to the China Hut. This is the only covered structure inside the Garden that has provided shelter and allowed us to exercise in the worst of times.
It would take some courage to step out of this comfort zone and embrace nature once again.

Lt Col Angad Singh (rtd):
Strange are the ways of Nature. Some parts of India are still reporting scant rains. On the other hand, there are states under deluge causing a lot of damage to property, material and men. You will certainly get relief once the rain stops and the sun comes out. God bless you all, be happy and cheerful.

Bank Collapse?

Confusion reigned supreme early morning in the Garden as one after another, account holders of the beleaguered PMC Bank expressed dismay over the fate of their deposits. Razia Khan appeared most distraught as much of her investments, running into several lakhs, remain locked in the bank for no fault of hers.

Razia Khan is agitated over the fate of her deposits

“I broke down yesterday on hearing the news,” she confessed, barely able to suppress her tears. “That money was meant to fund the education of my (college-going) grandkids. There were many women outside the bank also crying. I could just about empty my locker of all valuables.”
There were many others like the Boses and Ved Prakash Grover who were equally distressed after putting all their life's savings in fixed deposits with the bank. As they mentioned, proximity of the local branch, the high interest offered (over other banks), convenient timings and friendly staff were prime factors in reposing their trust with PMC.
Now, in the absence of any official assurance on how secure the deposits are, speculation ran riot, some even suggesting that the crisis was politically engineered in view of the state elections next month.

Mohar Singh (ext left) joins us for the exercises today

Eventually the government would step in and provide relief to depositors as it had done with other stressed out banks in the past.
Bihari Milwani had a different take though. As a C.A. and given his familiarity with the banking sector, he posed a simple question: If you are short of funds, how will you be able to repay your depositors? “In a best case scenario, you may be able to retrieve 60 per cent of your deposits,” he opined.
Some optimists argued that it is too early to jump into any conclusion and for the moment, we should rather wait and watch. Daulat Ram (a regular in the garden and PMC account holder) advised that it is better to remain calm and not panic as the situation would sort itself out on its own before the election. But Mohar Singh was to have the last word: “I don’t understand why people are so hung up on banks. It is like a nasha, an addiction. I have no account in any bank. And see how happy I am.”
He extended his moral support by joining us for the exercises!

Lt Col Angad Singh (rtd):
This is a lesson for everyone. One should not keep an account in any such private bank. That said, account holders must now agitate and agitate loudly. Confront all the candidates standing for the assembly election. If they want votes normalcy must be restored and customers should have easy access to their money. All avenues must be exploited.

Bhaswati Bose:
Mohar Singh could hardly provide any moral support. So disturbed were we that we abandoned the exercises midway.

Cock and Bull

Bijoy Gupta phones Shekhawat

These days, Bijoy Gupta drops into the Garden not to exercise, but to entertain… and be entertained. We all look forward to his arrival every morning, however late it may be (ref post of September 18). And he never disappoints.
Invariably, it is Shekhawat who is the scapegoat – the target of Gupta’s long-distance prank calls. For he is currently on vacation at his village in Rajasthan. Gupta, for his part, has made it his mission not to allow his friend to spend his mornings in peace.
Shekhawat’s crime, according to Gupta, is to have raised "false hopes" in all Club members for a free road trip to Rajasthan during the Dussehra festival (ref post of August 30). Even the date of our departure was fixed for September 23 – that is yesterday.
So today, with a vengeance, Gupta dialled Shekhawat to inform how people in the Garden felt let down. “They are calling you dhoke-baaz, a cheat,” he charged. “Many of them took up membership on your assurance of showing them your village. They are now demanding their money back.”
Gupta went on to mention some names who have become

Tara Chand Seth is back from Delhi after a year... with a box of crispy cookies

particularly hostile and “have stopped attending the exercises”. He even indicated that Yusuf Rassiwala had stepped in to salvage the situation and pay up the troublemakers from his own pocket!
The background to this is a hilarious cock-and-bull story Gupta created over a series of phone calls to Shekhawat. He painted a rosy picture of how club membership had ballooned to an unprecedented 60-plus with the neighbouring “juice wallah, cobbler, banana sellers, bhaiyya-logs and five beautiful women” wanting to avail of the free trip. “They are all singing praises of you,” he had told Shekhawat.
Whether or not Shekhawat believes all that Gupta says is hard to tell. But one thing is certain: Shekhawat has been taking all his calls and never disconnects. Clearly, he looks forward to Gupta calling him every morning and in effect, derive some entertainment.

Bihari Milwani:
This is called 'Lion-Lioness Laughter' through telephonic communication.

Lt Col Angad Singh(rtd):
It is good that one of the two lions/ lioness is here. Had both been present, they would have torn the China Hut apart and created a huge scene. Wait till Dussehra and let Shekhawat be back. Take them both for raj kachoris! It is nice to also see Tara Chand Seth back. Congrats to him. I wish him a healthy, long life.

Operation Successful

Survived the surgery

Doesn’t this person remind you of someone? Haven’t we met him somewhere before? Or is this some kind of a joke... about a mythical story-book pirate disguising himself by discarding his black eye-patch?
Well, Kiran Prakash didn’t have much of a choice in choosing the color of his eye-shield after going under the knife last Saturday. The good news is that the surgery (ref post of August 21) has been a success and he is back home, recuperating.
“It was a major operation,” informed Kiran Prakash on phone. “I was under the impression that they would surgically tighten the ligaments and get the corneal lens in place. But they actually opened up my eye and replaced the lens. Can you imagine!
Kiran Prakash is not in pain but suffers from acute

Happy start to a new week

discomfort (which is not unusual). He has been told that he will regain vision after 10 days or so. Till then he has to observe certain precautions such as not bending down or picking up weight, sneezing, even coughing, and straining his eye by watching TV, mobile screens or using the laptop.
Worse still, he cannot risk getting outdoors lest he be exposed to dust particles/ pollutants or perhaps, inadvertently suffer a jerky movement that might cause some displacement. In this state of being virtually under house arrest, his only solace is listening to soothing music and catching up with audio books on his earphones.
“It would take a month at least to recover completely and resume normal activity,” Kiran Prakash quoted the surgeon who operated on him. “Even then, I will not get back my vision 100 per cent. It will be about 90 per cent. The most important thing is that the doctor is satisfied by the surgery.”
We look forward to Kiran Prakash getting back to his feet at the earliest and surprising us with a visit in the Garden.

Karun Sharma:
Oh God! This is definitely a very critical surgery. Kiran-ji should take all precautions to get back to a normal healthy life. There are lots of positive things insofar as surgery is concerned, but I would request Kiran-ji to follow all instructions sincerely. I need to be at Guwahati till September 29. Or else, I would have visited him by now.

Bihari Milwani:
I sincerely wish that before Lord Rama returns to Ayodhya in October our KP would return to our laughter club.

DAY 2901

Pic of the Week

THE ULTIMATE LOOK OF COMPLETE SATISFACTION

"Please help me get up... I have over-eaten!" --Bihari Milwani
P.S.: Did anyone notice that yesterday's birthday celebration coincided with 29th century of our blog, i.e. 2900th Day?

Somebody, please lift him. Lift kara de... --Bhaswati Bose

Many of us were not able to eat the full raj kachauri and took a part home as parcel. The situation was the same for me. After eating one kachauri, I wanted my complete body to be parceled! --Karun Sharma

Unfinished Business

When Big Laaf landed at Tewaris for raj kachori

At the long table

You've got to be really desperate or utterly mad to brave inclement weather, erratic traffic and treacherous potholes, just for a plate of raj kachori at Tewari’s in Juhu -- a good four kilometres away.
We would like to believe that we were neither desperate nor mad. Rather, it was unfinished business that took us en masse -- three to an autorickshaw -- all the way after wrapping up today’s exercises in the Garden.
The very same trip was to be undertaken exactly a week earlier, on September 14 (Saturday). Bose Babu had threatened to celebrate his birthday one day in advance at Tewari’s, with raj kachori only. That was the deal. And surprisingly, everybody was game.
But fate ordained otherwise and the plans were abandoned at the last minute (see post of September 14). Santosh Tyagi’s only son, Manoj passed away that morning and we got busy rushing to the hospital, commiserating with the family, cremation, etc. The birthday treat was forgotten.
In reviving the Tewari plans, the idea was to dispel the air of solemnity that had settled over the Club during the week since Manoj Tyagi’s death. Moreover, this was meant to be a departure from the monotony of our daily routine and infuse some good cheer among members. Raj kachori was only an excuse.
Still, for all those who had never sampled the scrumptious snack, this turned out to be quite an experience. (After all, raj kachoris are not easily available in Mumbai.) It is of such massive size, stuffed with mashed potato, boiled gram, lentils, red chutney, sweet curd, a variety of condiments and syrup that only someone with more than a healthy appetite is capable of consuming a piece in one sitting. And on top, there was tea.
Little wonder, there were many like Ruskhsana Khan, Khatoon Baig, Razia Khan and Dr Muhammad Farooq who, rather than waste, packed their left-overs to be consumed at home. For the others, lunch was taken care of for the day. And those who initially wanted to try out some jalebi, did not even raise the subject in the end – so stuffed were they!

Lt Col Angad Singh (rtd):
What can be any better than a good round of exercises followed by a bellyful of raj kachoris! But does it make a lot of gas? If so, the clouds above will vanish. Be cheerful, relaxed and happy.

Bihari Milwani:
Aaj ki tazaa khabar: Bose Babu ne baratiyon ka swagat raj kachori se kiya!

Karun Sharma:
Tewari and raj kachori were things that took time to materialize. And then I am left thinking that if there could be one item that took the longest time to eat, this would be the raj kachori today. Thank you so much.

Geeta Latte:
Many many happy returns of the day, dear Uncle! 💐🎂💐😊

Late Arrival

Bijoy Gupta enjoying the rains

The Garden is awash in the torrential downpour

Long Wait: How to get back home and not get wet?

Yesterday’s rain arrived today – when it was least expected… and swallowed us.

But it was fun. It felt like holidaying in a hill station somewhere in Europe. The weather was wonderful.

The only problem was how to return home and not get drenched.

After yesterday's let down (see post) many had come this morning without their umbrellas.

So we were left with little option other than sit quietly and enjoy the pitter-patter of the rain... till our patience eventually ran out. The pictures speak for themselves.

Lt Col Angad Singh (rtd):
Indra Devta again proved the Met Dept wrong. In spite of the clear sky, he came in and showered his blessings. But we could not enjoy the fun - the hide and seek they played. Many things happen in an unexpected way. However, keep laughing and enjoy nature.

A Joke

An unusually pleasant and relaxed morning

Today’s Red Alert was a joke. The forecast was for “heavy to extremely heavy rainfall” which prompted the shutting of all schools and warnings by the police not to venture out “unless absolutely necessary”. We experienced thunder and lightning last night when it rained heavily for a few hours. So we had come prepared, bracing ourselves to an even more ferocious downpour in the morning.
It did not rain a drop. The weather was unusually pleasant – mostly cloudy and breezy – the sun even peeping out of the clouds at times.

Banoo Apa (file photo)

In fact, it remained consistently dry and pleasant till the time of publication of this blog (late afternoon). Clearly, the weatherman had got it all wrong again. Or perhaps, he has finally found a way to drive away the monsoon from Mumbai for good!
However, none of this deterred us from showing up at the Garden for the exercises. Banoo Apa was also there. We raised a fourth laugh to welcome her back and celebrate the discharge of her sister from Tata Memorial after a successful surgery. Both the sisters and their families have been through a harrowing time over the hospitalisation (ref post of September 11).
News now comes of Bijoy Gupta requiring hospitalisation for an enlarged prostate. He is however, seeking a second opinion before going for surgery. This explains the ‘mysterious ailment’ that had been bothering him (ref post of September 13). He needs to wake up frequently at night to urinate – a typical symptom for a prostate condition. We wish him speedy recovery and good health.

Lt Col Angad Singh (rtd):
Thank Indra Devta! He had ensured that Big Laaf members could come and exercise in the morning. He was watching over the clouds so that all members were happy and could go home laughing.

Bihari Milwani:
Rain God and our Met Department share a Vikram-Vaital relationship. Whenever Met Department declares heavy rain, Rain God says, "Tu bola aur main chala"!!!

Nail-biting Thriller

The build-up over Gupta attending today's exercises

Bijoy Gupta got the shock of his life this morning. He had barely set foot in the Garden when the China Hut erupted into loud shrieks and cries directed at him. Razia Khan tumbled out,

Razia Khan accosts an unsuspecting Bijoy Gupta

accosting him, “Why did you come today?”
Nahid Khan turned hysterical, nearly falling off a chair. Bhaswati Bose, Zarina Khan, Yusuf Rassiwala, Urmila Sinha… everybody buckled and laughed, tears streaming down their cheeks -- except for Gupta. He stood isolated, dumbstruck. “I shouldn’t have come, or what?” he asked foolishly.
“Now that you’ve come, you’ll have to treat us all to chai,” demanded Razia.
Gupta looked relieved. Clearly, tea was not an issue. And yet, it was the issue. For, we had laid a bet on whether Gupta would turn up for the exercises today. The men said he would. The ladies said he wouldn’t. The losing group would have to treat everybody to tea.
From that point suspense started to build up. Bihari Milwani was

Zarina Khan (r) distributes Perks to celebrate
her son winning an award in Switzerland

the first to sound a false alarm, much like crying wolf. Whenever someone of Gupta’s size and shape (like Thakur in half-pants) walked into the Garden, a cry went out, “Gupta has come!”
Someone suggested that a phone call be made, warning Gupta not to step out of home today. Another, from the rival party, asked Karun Sharma (who left early) to take a detour and pay Gupta auto fare to rush to the Garden before the exercises got over. Yet another suggestion was to shut the gates of the Garden so that Gupta could not get in while we were exercising.
Meanwhile, a ding-dong battle ensued over rushing through the exercises, throwing everyone off gear. Yusuf R deliberately went slow, hoping Gupta would make it in time. In this war of nerves, we were left breathless laughing our guts out at the madness of it all. Will he make it? Will he not? Tension had reached its peak when we were nearing the end of the tai-chi round. And then Gupta walked in casually, a silly grin pasted on his face!
The ladies lost. But more importantly, we had the unique experience of a ridiculously funny and thrilling exercise session that consumed us all. For many, this was the happiest morning at the Garden in 15 years.

Karun Sharma:
This proves that all happiness is inside us. We do not need a big reason to be happy. In fact, we can be happy unconditionally and without reason. This natural happiness must be preserved by all means.

Lt Col Angad Singh (rtd):
The ladies lost the bet. But they won the game. No tea was served. Hurrah! Enjoy and be happy!!!

Gang of 23

Naheed Siddiqui (from left), Saeeda Sayed, Yusuf R and Bihari Milwani 

If birthdays are meant to be celebrated on a certain date, why have it only once a year? Why not celebrate it every month, on that particular date? After all; what stops anyone from celebrating 12 birthdays in a year?
Such bizarre out-of-the-box thinking can come up only in a Club like ours.

Karun Sharma

And the author of this conundrum today was oddly enough, Karun Sharma, a February 23-born.
But the trigger behind this thought had to be none other than our good old ‘computer-ji’, Bihari Milwani, a December 23-born. He arrived for the exercises in the China Hut just about the time Karun was leaving. “One 23 comes and another 23 leaves,” he remarked.
It took us a while to figure out what Milwani was implying. As is his wont, he was identifying Karun

Bhaswati Bose does not know whom to blame for losing her purse

not by name, but by his birthdate. “His birthday is February 23 and my birthday is December 23,” Milwani clarified.
Before this strange coincidence could even sink in, Milwani rattled out the names of three other members in the Club born on the 23rd (but in different months): Yusuf Rassiwala (July 23), Sayeeda Sayed (April 23) and Naheed Siddiqui (May 23). He had it all on his fingertips!
That was when Karun popped the idea: “We ought to celebrate on the 23rd of every month. Why wait a full year for a birthday to turn up? The monthly celebrations should apply to everyone. This way we shall have more birthday parties and treats round the year.”
What Karun is obviously looking at is to celebrate life more often – preferably every day.

Lt Col Angad Singh (rtd):
Computer brain is working faster than expected. Also, having a party every day is a marvelous suggestion. It will ensure presence of maximum members. In the bargain we can say bye-bye to tai chi and other exercises. People will still enjoy laughing if we stick to it.

Bihari Milwani:
The name of a very important personality is missing from the Gang of 23. Possibly he has forgotten that on September 5, 2019 i.e. hardly 12 days back, he was certified as 23 kilo (days). He was our Blog Monster.

Pall of Gloom

Two-minute silence was observed in the memory of Manoj Tyagi

The Club limped back to normalcy this morning even as a pall of gloom hung heavily over us after the untimely demise of Santosh Tyagi’s son last Saturday (ref post of September 14). A two-minute silence was observed in the memory of Manoj Tyagi after the exercises.
Karun Sharma and Sayeeda Sayed were unaware of the tragedy as they did not come to the Garden on Saturday. Sayeeda was in Surat and Karun, in Bhopal. On being told of the death, Karun excused himself from the exercises, saying he “needed time to recover from shock”.
Significantly, everyone had a favorite Manoj Tyagi-story to recount. He had visited us only twice in the Garden. Yet, the impression

Sayeeda (r) gets cupcakes from Surat

he had left behind was clearly lasting. Or was it because of Santosh who used to regularly update us on every little detail concerning her son? Suddenly the sense of loss on his passing became ever so palpable.
Efforts were also made to bring about a semblance of normalcy what with Sayeeda sharing some cupcakes she had picked up from Surat. Bijoy Gupta called Shekhawat long-distance demanding that a 60-seater AC bus be arranged on September 27 to ferry us all to his village in Rajasthan.
Gupta knows (as well as we do) that Shekhawat would be the last person ever to oblige, but the telephone call was necessary, if only to deflect our attention from the tragedy that had overtaken us. After all, life must go on.
Post Script: A prayer meeting for Manoj has been arranged by the family on September 17 (Tuesday) between 4:00pm and 5:30pm at Eden Banquet, Raheja Classique Club, Link Road (behind Infinity Mall), Andheri (West), Mumbai. Please try to attend.

Karun Sharma:
I respected my emotions and did not try to rush up. It was a shock that had to be respected by my inner self. Thanks for understanding.

DAY 2894

Pic of the Week

FINAL FAREWELL: MAY THIS NOT BEFALL ANY PARENT AGAIN

It's a terrible burden of grief for Santosh-ji. May the Almighty bless her and the family with courage and fortitude to bear this heavy loss. I also pray that the Almighty does not show this day to any parent. May the departed soul rest in peace. --Yusuf Rassiwala

I remember how involved Santosh-ji has been looking after him and the house work. In spite of she not being in good health herself she did her duty with utmost commitment. We all pray for the departed soul and stand by Santosh-ji in this hour of uncomfortable vacuum. --Karun Sharma

Bereavement

At Kokilaben Hospital... Santosh Tyagi (r)

Santosh Tyagi’s only son, Manoj is no more. He breathed his last at Kokilanben Hospital this morning. He was 45. He is survived by his mother, wife and a daughter.
News of his demise reached us in the Garden around 7:40 a.m., instantly prompting a suspension of the day's exercises (and a subsequent birthday celebration at Tiwari’s). A small group comprising Yusuf Rassiwala, Bijoy Gupta, Nahid Khan, Banoo Apa, Zarina Khan and the Bose couple

Manoj Tyagi

rushed to the hospital and thereafter, to Santosh’s home.
Manoj had been suffering from a debilitating liver condition for long and of late, was hospitalised twice. Since January last, after his discharge from Nanavati Hospital, he had shown signs of improvement. We had assumed that the worst was over and Manoj would be on the path to recovery. Santosh also confirmed that a liver transplant, as speculated, may not be needed.
But things took a sudden turn for the worse early this week when Manoj stopped eating and worse, he started to bleed -- even from the mouth and nose. According to his mother, he had to be physically

Mother's tears... Santosh is inconsolable

lifted from home (in a near unconscious state) and taken to hospital by ambulance on Tuesday.
Since Wednesday he was kept on life support as he stopped responding to treatment.
Yesterday, Santosh phoned to say that Manoj’s condition had deteriorated following a collapse of his vital organs and that doctors had advised her to summon those near and dear to him. “Nothing more can be done to save his life,” she quoted the doctors as saying when the Boses and Kiran Prakash called on her at the hospital. “They are simply delaying the inevitable.”
Manoj has been a highly acclaimed filmmaker and scriptwriter in Hindi cinema for the past 15 years or so. His screenplays for Apharan (2004) and Page 3 (2005) have brought him rich accolades and two national awards. Mumbai Salsa, the film he wrote and directed in 2007, garnered critical acclaim but not much of a box-office success.
His mortal remains were consigned to the flames at Oshiwara Electric Crematorium at 3:45pm today. A maternal uncle performed the final rites. May Manoj rest in peace.

Lt Col Angad Singh (rtd):
Manoj Tyagi's sudden departure from this world has come as a shock to us. His loss is too big a blow for Mrs Santosh and the family. This loss is too great and has to be borne with courage and strength. I join every member of the Club on praying for courage to the family in bearing this untimely loss. I also pray that the Almighty may grant the departed soul a place at his feet.

Renu Babani:
Heartfelt condolences to our dearest Santosh-ji and the entire family. It's hard to even understand what a mother must feel. He was young and his wife and daughter must also be devastated. May his soul rest in peace. May God give the family strength and courage to endure this terrible loss.

Insomnia

Bijoy Gupta

For the past one week, Bijoy Gupta has been making frantic calls daily to the Garden while we exercise. The phone cuts off mysteriously before he can complete the call. Return calls have proved futile because his phone slips into “out of coverage area”.
Nevertheless, from what we have gathered, Gupta is apologetic for not being able to report for the exercises regularly (as he used to earlier) because of a “new bimari”. He says that no matter how hard he tries, he is unable to wake up on time in the morning.
“I am having disturbed sleep,” he complains. “All night I toss and turn in bed and it is only in the early morning hours that I sink into deep sleep. In that state, it is impossible to wake up

It continues to rain outside

for the Garden. I never had this problem earlier.”
Gupta believes that his afternoon siesta and late-evening addiction to online entertainment have robbed him of timely sleep. “Today I’ll watch YouTube in the afternoon instead of the evening,” he says. “Maybe by staying awake all day I’d get some sleep this night and be able to report for the exercises tomorrow.”
His ‘tomorrow’ has not yet come. And clearly, Gupta is weighed down by guilt – to the extent, he is convinced that he has contracted a new disease!
Little does Gupta realise that his is the most common affliction among the elderly. From Shekhawat to Kiran Prakash and Zarina Khan to Naheed Siddiqui, insomnia affects us all. It just proves what (ex-member) Sunita Jajodia used to say, “We were donkeys when we were young, carrying the burden of our families. Now that we are old, we have turned into owls.”
Gupta has another problem. He hates carrying an umbrella. He would much rather not step out of the house should it rain. And of late, there is hardly a day when it does not rain cats and dogs in the morning. Today was no exception.

Non-Starter

The Kanyakumari trip seems to be going the Rajasthan way. It was conceived as Plan B (ref post of September 4) when Shekhawat’s promise to take the club on a free trip to his village during Dussehra came a cropper. No headway has been made in the past one week owing to a general lack of enthusiasm.
Ajmer had also come up as an alternative destination, perhaps because it entails an overnight journey (by train though, it takes around 16 to 18 hours on an average) from Mumbai.

Sharing memories of a past excursion

 But as it turned out, almost everyone in the Club, barring one or two members, have visited Ajmer Sharif multiple times, mainly on pilgrimage.
Comparatively, Kanyakumari appeared to be virgin territory. Nobody seemed to have ever set foot there. But the moment we were told that the fastest train, K.K.Express takes 45 hours and 15 minutes to reach there, everybody back tracked. Who would want to sit through two nights – that too in sleeper class?
True, Zarina Khan would not mind taking a shot, so long as we get going. Likewise, Yusuf Rassiwala opines that the “trip would be worth the effort” as it could be an experience of a lifetime. Nahid Khan feels that a 45-hour journey is doable on an AC two-tier coach -- but that would mean having to wait till January 2020 for confirmed reservations. Or else, we might consider a break journey mid-way for a couple of days, she says. But where?
Quite clearly, this is turning out to be a case of the spirit willing when the flesh is weak. Many would love to go, but do not feel confident enough. Suppose something goes wrong? We are no spring chickens. And the most horrifying part is having to make do with the train toilet, unwashed for almost three days. That is pure living nightmare.

Lt Col Angad Singh (rtd):
It is good to plan an excursion and then scrap it. This keeps us busy and in form. These are not days to venture out. The season is rough and tough. For a senior citizen, the Club is the best place to venture, relax, enjoy and to keep laughing.

Jokey Wokey

Jokes session in progress

Before smartphones and WhatsApp corrupted our sensibilities, jokes sessions were a regular feature of the Club. After the exercises, we would eagerly gather around someone like Santosh Tyagi who would fish out a scrap of paper and read out a few funny anecdotes culled from different sources. Repetitive as they often were, we could not do without this daily diet of jokes.
Then Santosh Tyagi stopped coming, WhatsApp forwards took over

Santosh Tyagi (file photo)

and the jokes did not sound the same… till this morning, when Yusuf Rassiwala revived the aura of those innocent times with a couple of outlandish gags that threw us off our seats.
One was of a senior couple who kept themselves amused post-retirement -- even outsmarting an unsuspecting traffic cop.

Banoo Apa's sister recuperating after surgery

The other was about over-dependence on ‘voice recognition technology’ leading to a poor dental patient being locked out of his own house.
These were actually forwards Yusuf R had shared with Bhaswati Bose, who was to translate another joke about a group of friends ageing progressively, till dementia takes over. These jokes set the stage for an animated exchange of even more hilarious yarns, resulting in a fun-filled morning of unstoppable laughter in the China Hut. But in the end, we learnt one important lesson. As Yusuf R pointed out, jokes that read well do not always sound as funny, and vice-versa. Of course, much also depends on the style of narrating.
In keeping with the joy and positivity all around, here is a spot of good news. The surgery Banoo Apa’s elder sister was to undergo at Tata Memorial Hospital, has gone off well. Banoo Apa is no doubt relieved – as indeed, all of us are. She has sent a picture of her sister recuperating and thanks us all for our prayers.

An Appeal

Fahmida Khan dropped by looking unusually pale, but overweight. She complained of sleepless nights nursing a severe drop in blood sugar levels. “I feel faint,” she said. “I cannot keep my balance while standing. I fell down at home and hurt myself badly.”
Fahmida has been suffering for long but refuses to see a doctor now. She is on self-medication. “I am fed up of doctors, paying their exorbitant fees and getting nothing in return. I have tried everywhere. Forget cure, no doctor has been able to prescribe

Fahmida Khan (ext left) drops by to narrate her tale of woe

anything that would give me basic relief,” she said bitterly.
Distressing as her condition may be, Fahmida is not alone. With advancing age and ailments multiplying by the day, most of us are at the mercy of doctors who cannot tell an arm from the elbow. And yet, we are made to pay through our nose and toes, till death do us apart. After all, not everybody is as lucky as Shekhawat to have his/ her medical bills paid by the Government of India. As an ex-serviceman, he also has access to the military hospital in Colaba where he is treated by top-grade specialists, absolutely free of charge.
It was in this context that a proposal was mooted this morning to draw up a list of doctors in our neighborhood who are ethical, competent and do not charge a bomb. This is of critical importance to senior citizens like us. Since doctors cannot advertise on their own, we would publish their details on the side panel of this blog which shall serve as a viable option (if not a ready reckoner) to all. A beginning has been made today.
We appeal to all members to share whatever information they might have in this regard so that everybody stands to benefit and nobody suffers the way Fahmida is having to.

Bihari Milwani:
Be regular in the club and keep laughing. That is the best medicine. There will be no need of any doctor!

Karun Sharma:
It is a brilliant idea to make a panel of doctors, considering the issues senior citizens may have. But at any given point, we shall have to trust one doctor or the other.

New Teacher

We had a new 'teacher’ for the exercises today. In the absence of seasoned regulars like Nahid Khan, Razia Khan and Yusuf Rassiwala, it fell upon Karun Sharma to step in the middle and take us through the free-hand session this morning.
Over the next half-hour or so, Karun conducted himself with effortless ease and aplomb, rarely seen of a debutant. True, he required a little prompting from the sidelines. But the most important part was that

Karun Sharma (foreground) conducts the exercises today

he seemed to enjoy every moment he was holding charge, orchestrating the proceedings.
The change of guard, however, did not go unnoticed in the Garden. Some people began inquiring about the absence of certain key members and how attendance in the Club has steadily dropped.
“I remember a time when there were nearly 40 of you people exercising out in the open,” a bespectacled lady taunted us. An old man sitting beside her in the China Hut asked solicitously if all was well with the Club.
Somehow these busybodies were not convinced by the fact that a series of festivals, coupled with a resurgent monsoon had taken a toll on attendance.
But when Zarina Khan informed that news of our declining numbers had reached her friends outside the Garden, we had to sit her down and do an audit of our membership. We listed eight senior members who have died, five who have relocated elsewhere and another five who are physically infirm and suffering from age-related issues.
Apart from them, there are always more than half a dozen who, much as they would want to, are unable to attend the exercises due to medical or domestic compulsions.
The point though is that none of these absentees are a problem for us in the Club. Nor are they getting in the way of any outsider. We are all happy. We continue to exercise every morning, not missing a day. So where is the problem?

Bihari Milwani:
09/09/19: Lucky date. A new teacher is born in BIG LAAF.

DAY 2887

Pic of the Week

AT LAST... A WHIFF OF FRESH AIR, THANKS TO A POWER BREAKDOWN IN THE CHINA HUT!

Since both the 'lions' have taken leave, all the other animals have come out of their cage and are enjoying the fresh air. --Bihari Milwani

Matter of Trophy

Zarina Khan took everyone by surprise this morning when she declared that she would be coming to the Garden for three more years. “I don’t know about others, but I shall be here every morning to exercise, come

Zarina Khan (foreground) regales

what may, till my 70th birthday,” she elaborated.
“I am 67 years now. On Kiran Prakash’s birthday (March 16), we were told that everyone completing 70 years would be given a trophy from the Club. All the gents, including Gupta-ji, Shekhawat, Yusuf-bhai… even Grover-sa’ab have taken away their trophies. But what about the ladies? I have decided that trophy le ke hi chhodungi!”
Hilarious as this sounded, the bizarre reasoning and determination won Zarina a round of acclaim from those present. At a time when most females shy away from revealing their age, here was an exception who made no bones about how old she was.
“What is the use of concealing your age if it deprives you of a trophy?” she asked in all simplicity, again triggering a volley of laughter. “Most of us here are grandmothers many times over. Nobody gives us a second look anyway. So what is the use of pretending to be young?”
She however, informed that her husband (who is no more) had ‘officially’ declared her to be older than she actually is, thereby leaving her with two dates of birth. She went on to also identify some ladies in the Club who were older than her and “deserved” to be given trophies, if only they were not ashamed to reveal their age.
Zarina had another reason to be so hell-bent on claiming her trophy from the Club: “My sons have won multiple trophies and those are all displayed on a special mantelpiece at home for all to see. I want one trophy to stand out among them and that should be mine!”

Lt Col Angad Singh (rtd):
Everyone cherishes a trophy. One has to be a member of the Club and wait till he/she reaches the destined age. It is time worth waiting. On getting the trophy one certainly feels honoured displaying the same in an 'honoured' place. It is a time when one feels proud to be honoured. And Zarina certainly feels it is worth her wait.

Inside Story

Bijoy Gupta (l) narrates the 'real' story behind the Rajasthan  fiasco  

The cancellation of a free road trip to Rajasthan (ref post of August 30) was not entirely of our making. True, we were unable to take up the offer because of physical constraints in covering the 1,200 km journey each way by bus. But there were other compelling reasons, unknown to us, that put paid to our hopes of witnessing the Dussehra festivities in Shekhawat’s village.
This morning Bijoy Gupta was to reveal the inside story of the trip that was not meant to be. For one, Shekhawat would be returning from his village on October 3, well before Dussehra (which is on October 8). For another, he had trumpeted the idea of a free trip all over the Garden in advance, only to realise that

A kind soul shares her 'modak'
with us in the China Hut 

he had taken more on his platter than he could possibly consume.
“One evening I came to the Garden and saw him boasting before a group of bhaiyyas how he would be taking the Club to Rajasthan at his own expense,” Gupta narrated. “I sat down quietly behind him. I could see how impressed the bhaiyyas were and some of them even wanted to join the Club, if that meant paying Rs60 as a month’s subscription. Shekhawat was game, assuring them he had enough rooms in his house to accommodate everybody.”
That was when Gupta intervened. He jumped up to ask if every room was fitted with a toilet. When Shekhawat replied in the negative, Gupta advised the bhaiyyas to pack a lota with their luggage as they would have to go out in the fields every morning to relieve themselves. “I thought this would discourage them, but surprisingly they did not mind,” Gupta said. “Obviously they were experienced at doing the deed in the open.”
At this point Shekhawat started to retract. He realised he was inviting a problem too big for him to handle. “He said something like gents and ladies having separate timings for going out in the morning and when that did not dissuade the bhaiyyas, Shekhawat did the vanishing act. He stopped showing up at the Garden two days before he had to leave for Rajasthan.”
According to Gupta, there is no way Shekhawat can sponsor a trip to his village now. Should he do so only for us, the bhaiyyas will tear him apart whenever they catch sight of him. So he has quietly taken the easy way out.

Karun Sharma:
Both the 'lions' know each other well. But they still long for each other. I missed the modak by few seconds, I believe. time is modak.

'23 Kilo Days'

Bihari Milwani (r) presents his signature memento with a flower

Bose Babu today became the proud recipient of a rare commendation for a personal feat he was himself unaware of: He has completed 23,000 days on the planet. And who, but the club’s astute chronicler, Bihari Milwani was to remind him of this!
“He will complete 63 years in 10 days,” Milwani explained. “Taking 365 days to a year, there have been 22,995 days in the past 63 years. Add 15 days for the number of leap years during this period. The total comes to 23,010 days. Today he is 10 days short of his birthday. That makes him 23 kilo days to the day.”
Only someone wired up in algorithms (instead of neurons in the brain) is capable of rattling those lines. And this is not in respect of one person only. Milwani keeps track of every notable event in the life of each and every member of the Club. Small wonder, he is generally regarded as smarter than any computer.
But there is a softer side to this man also. He presented Bose Babu a freshly plucked red hibiscus with the following words (roughly translated from Hindi): “This gift from the flower pot of my home/ I offer you with one wish / May you remain forever happy and keep laughing/ And show us the way to be also happy and laughing.”
These were the opening lines of a six stanza poem in blank verse that Milwani had composed (and reproduced verbatim in his signature memento) for what he described as Bose Babu’s 23rd kilo day. “Just try lifting him and you’d know how many kilos he actually is,” quipped Bhaswati Bose.

Lt Col Angad Singh (rtd):
Bihari Milwani is a wonderful person. He is a running encyclopedia. He certainly is very fit to compete in Kaun Banega Crorepati. If he participates and wins the prize, it will be another feather to the Club's cap. Congrats to Bose Babu and Mr Milwani on his brilliant calculation. I wish both of them a very healthy life.

Karun Sharma:
The important thing is that Milwani-ji thinks about others and connects with interesting numbers. The numbers are meant to motivate and make one think of ways to celebrate life on this planet.

Plan B

Heated discussions on next tour destination

Shekhawat’s carte blanche on herding a bunch of giddy-headed members by bus to his village in Rajasthan has come to a naught (ref yesterday’s post). General ambivalence across the Club led to a silent burial of those plans this morning.
But all hope is not lost. A far more ambitious plan is now brewing for an all-expenses-paid trip to any place in India at the very earliest. The sponsor has also been identified. And most likely this would have to be by train.
The options discussed were Lucknow, Kolkata, Igatpuri, Ajmer, Delhi-Agra, Aurangabad (Ajanta -Ellora) and Kanya Kumari. A consensus could not be reached as someone or the other had a negative opinion every time a new destination was suggested.
Still, after much debating, Ajmer-Pushkar and Kanya Kumari emerged as the most popular destinations.

Urmila Sinha (l) marks her return with sweets from Dhanbad

The problem on taking a final call is the conflicting interests of members on travel. If Nahid Khan is interested in checking out a historical site like the Taj Mahal and Qutub Minar, there’s Yusuf Rassiwala who would much rather explore the culinary delights of Lucknow.
But to Zarina Khan, neither the Imambaras of Lucknow nor the broken statues of monuments anywhere else can hold her interest as much as the exotic ‘scene-scenery’ of Kanya Kumari Bhaswati Bose endorsed the idea. For a while, Laxmi Hadimani (who dropped by casually) deflected attention towards the “many possibilities for shopping” that Kolkata offers. Shopping, indeed, was a top priority for many.
Eventually, it was decided to check the earliest availability of railway tickets before zeroing in on a destination. Since there is no possibility of getting a confirmed reservation any time soon in a 2-tier or 3-tier AC coach (unless we wait for four months) a consensus was reached for travelling by sleeper class.
The question of going by bus anywhere did not arise – for obvious reasons.

Bihari Milwani:
How about going to Alibaugh by train up to CST, then by taxi to Apollo Bunder and thereafter by speed boat to Mandwa Beach and then by bus to Alibaug? It is off-season now and even on Sundays there will be no rush.

Testing Times

Rains continue to play havoc on daily attendance

We are at the last phase of monsoon. The persistent and often, intense downpour has cost us heavily in terms of attendance and punctuality, not to mention sustaining a regular routine for the Club. Were it not for the enthusiasm of a small bunch of dedicated members, we would probably have shut shop long back.
Seen differently, this is just one of the many challenges facing us. Ours is a Club of over 15 years and many who had joined us initially (around their retirement age) are on the wrong side of 70 today. Most of them have quit as they are no longer in a fit state to report

Urmila Sinha is on her
way back from Dhanbad

for the exercises.
Some like Shanta Ram Rane, Laxmi Naidu, Teja Singh Bhambra and Ram Shankar Shukla have passed away. Others like Hari Narayani, Nafisa Sayed and Karuna Waghmare have relocated to other parts of the city owing to personal/ domestic compulsions. Tara Chand Seth, Sitaram Hivarkar, Nazma Sayyed and many others are keeping indifferent health.
Thus, if we are not able to maintain our initial levels of membership (of 40-odd), it is no laafing matter. It remains a constant struggle to keep everyone enthused – be it with an occasional picnic, birthday celebrations, rehearsing for the Annual Day function or a sporting event thrown in... After all, we are family.
True, there have been inductions off and on. But they are not enough. What we really need is the infusion of young blood – people in their 40s and 50s with commitment and foresight, capable of steering the Club ahead. It takes time to build a new team. Now is the time to start.