Annual Holiday

It’s time, once again, to shut shop. The blog is being suspended till July 6, 2013 for reasons we are too embarrassed to disclose. But bear with us. And don’t you go away!

--Big Laaf

Advance Celebration

Ved Prakash Grover celebrates with chocolate bars

Anjali giving her mother a bite of the peda

For the first time in Club history, we had a birthday celebration two days in advance. It could have been three days had Srichand Arora been a little more persistent yesterday at complimenting Ved Prakash Grover for hitting the ripe old age of 75. And today, if only to allay niggling doubts everywhere about the Sunday party (see post of June 27) at Blue Waters, he distributed chocolate bars to mark the ‘platinum jubilee’ of his life.
But Arora was not giving up on needling him. Barely two years younger, he kept getting at Grover the moment he learnt there would be chocolates for the asking after the exercises were over. “Grover-sah’b will be born after one hour,” he announced dramatically, just when the exercises started. After 15 minutes, he mischievously pointed out that there were 45 minutes left… then half an hour, 15 minutes, and so on, leading many to wonder if there was a midwife also somewhere around.
It was in this spirit of joie-de vivre that we ushered in the celebrations for a landmark anniversary of a very dear friend. On the occasion, this is once again wishing Ved Prakash Grover abundant happiness, robust health and a spirited life ahead.
If this celebration was not enough, we had Santosh Tyagi’s daughter, Anjali to add to our morning joy. She’s down from the U.K. and graced us with her presence after the exercises. Both mother and daughter made for an endearing photo-up – especially that arresting moment when Anjali gave her mother a bite of the peda which were distributed to mark Santosh’s granddaughter’s birthday today. That was quite a coincidence -- effectively, a double celebration today. And as it were, the proverbial icing on our cake.
Happy Birthday, Little Lady!
Jagmohan Papneja:
This wish is in advance so that you can celebrate your birthday longer. Happy Birthday to Ved Prakash-ji. May God bless Anjali also, as always.

Mystery Party

Finalising the 'Guest List'

Srichand Arora dropped a major bombshell this morning. Summoning everyone after the exercises, he announced that a luncheon party is being arranged at the nearby Blue Waters Restaurant on Sunday, June 30 at 1:00 pm and that all present were invited. He did not want to elaborate further.
Instantly questions were raised as to what the occasion was and more important, who was the host. Arora refused to divulge any information, except that the host happens to be a respectable member of the Club and that s/he would not like to reveal his/her identity at the moment. He however, added that by hosting the party, this person wants to share "some happiness" and it would be nice if everyone could make it. “I might also assure you that by attending this party, you too will feel good about yourself,” he promised.

Ved Prakash Grover

All the 19 present agreed to attend – barring Sunita Jajodia and Geeta Sardana who had prior engagements for Sunday. While drawing up the 'guest list', Arora repeatedly urged that having once committed, nobody should back out because after making bookings, no refund would be made to the host. Upon being prodded again about this “mysterious benefactor”, Arora clammed up saying he was not at liberty to disclose anything more. “Please be patient,” he said. “The moment you step into Blue Waters on Sunday, the suspense will be over!”
But who was listening? In a frenzy of wild speculation, Ved Prakash Grover became the prime suspect, till he hurriedly declared that he would rather predate celebrating his birthday (which coincidentally falls on Sunday) to Friday. Hari Singh Shekhawat was targeted next for his successful heart surgery… or perhaps his wife’s uncelebrated birthday earlier this month. When someone informed that he was still too weak and would not risk a restaurant lunch, suspicion shifted to Santosh Tyagi. After all, she had just moved into a new house and today significantly, she came in late and wanted to excuse herself from the party and then changed her mind later… All this was very unSantosh-like.
Santosh explained that with 11 guests currently at home, she was in no frame of mind to organize any party. Then Jagmohan Papneja added his bit to the suspense, saying he had two names in mind but did not elaborate after that. Arora’s name also came up. Who knows, he has won a lottery and now wants to have a big bash?
With nobody getting any wiser and excitement mounting, the Club has its agenda laid out for the next three days.

Back to School?

Morning class in progress

The blackboard may be missing. And so is the cane in the headmaster’s hand. But his stentorian voice is loud and clear while he picks on everyone for every little lapse: “Shukla-ji, why can’t you keep pace with others?” “Tara Chand-ji, that is not how you should roll your arms!” “Razia-ji, slow down, you are going too fast.” “Nafisa-ji, where is your cap?” And occasionally, there are kind words of encouragement: “Shabaash!” “Keep it up!” “Very good!”
Ever since he chipped his shoulder blade in an autorickshaw accident, Srichand Arora has come to be our headmaster by default. He does not miss a day. With arm in sling, he sits legs stretched on his white plastic throne at one end of the exercise ring, lording and barking orders.

'Headmaster' Arora

Nothing escapes his hawk-like eye. Even the ‘teacher’ conducting the exercises is not spared. So when an absent-minded Razia Khan today missed a repeat round of an exercise in reverse, he promptly pounced and corrected her.
Before long, the ‘neck rotation exercise' turned into a heated debate with Arora noticing that many ladies had altogether stopped doing the exercise. Nafisa Sayyad said she felt giddy and just wouldn't do it. Khatoon Baig said she felt “uncomfortable rolling the head like that” for no reason. Ramila Mistry explained that a yoga guru advised her against it. Monthi Serrao argued it is bad for spondilysis. “On the contrary, it cures spondilysis,” countered Arora. “None of us ever had a neck problem doing this exercise.”
The terror tactics notwithstanding, this is one man who is much adored and admired for his matter-of-fact bluntness, devil-may-care attitude, razor-sharp wit and repartees, a magnanimous sense of fellow-feeling and most important, ability to laugh at himself. Every morning he manufactures a story on how he 'managed to break' his arm – from having suffered a nasty fall, to getting beaten up by unidentified goons, his effort at gaining public sympathy, to trying to make an off-beat fashion statement… but never revealing the truth. This morning when his small plastic throne got stuck to his big backside, he made a spectacle of himself, struggling like a child till Arun Patil could extricate him.
A person so vulnerable can mean no ill to anyone. So even when he sits out there gallantly terrorizing us, we know he does it for our own good. But isn’t that what headmasters are meant to do?

Toffees ‘n’ Lozenges

Tara Chand Seth celebrates with toffees...

...and Bhaswati Bose says it with lozenges

Toffees and lozenges all the way… from Birmingham to Lokhandwala Garden, with Tara Chand Seth and Bhaswati Bose today celebrating India’s thrilling five-run victory over England in the ICC Champions Trophy final on Sunday. The celebration would have been more appropriate yesterday (see post), but since the match had ended in the wee hours of the morning, nobody had come prepared. Tara Chand admitted he did not expect India to win and had actually fallen asleep with the TV on even as the match was in progress. “I woke up when there were only five overs remaining,” he said. “That was when I realized the match was worth watching.”
A mad scramble broke over Bhaswati’s lozenges when she declared that there was one lozenge for every person who had watched the match and an additional one for those who supported her idol M.S.Dhoni. Automatically everybody got two each till some people pointed out that Dhoni had got out for a duck. Promptly she made a bid to take back their lozenges when others announced that they hadn’t even watched the match and would not return their lozenges. In the scuffle that followed, Ved Prakash Grover could be heard yelling that he was entitled to three lozenges because he was the first to phone Bhaswati and inform her of the match result!

Santosh Tyagi

Meanwhile, concern is mounting over Santosh Tyagi’s continued absence since last week. She is one member who rarely takes a day off without informing. This time there is complete silence from her end, leaving Grover and Srichand Arora to speculate that maybe she is preoccupied with shifting residence to Mira Towers. Arun Patil’s comment of “lafdewala building” kindled Geeta Sardhana’s curiosity and she immediately wanted to know more. What emerged from piecing together different accounts by members was a sequence of coincidences which were nothing short of bizarre.
It seems that the Shiney Ahuja rape case had taken place in the building where Santosh was staying earlier – Tarapore Towers. Later, she shifted to Samarth Aangan where the Arun Tiku murder case took place last year. Now she is moving to Mira Towers, which again is in the news, this time for a high-profile prostitution racket that was busted last Thursday. At this rate, any news hound would kill to be in Santosh’s shoes.
Srichand Arora:
* Santosh-ji, what is wrong? Where is it wrong? And why is it so? You have to give us a fair explanation please.
* Thank you, Bhaswati-ji and Tara Chand-ji for the 24 hour long delayed and awaited celebration.

‘Mandap’ Inaugurated

Exercises shift to the mandap

Light morning showers led us to inaugurating the Garden’s new shed today. Erected out of bamboo poles and tarpaulin roofing, the make-shift structure had, for long, presented a welcome sanctuary from the stuffy and claustrophobic confines of the China Hut. Some wisecrack had mischievously named the shed, ‘mandap’ – perhaps because of its rudimentary construction, much like that of a marriage pandal. Somehow, the name stuck.
So half-way through the exercises this morning, when the skies opened up, we trooped in en masse behind Nahid Khan and continued with our drill uninterrupted. Initially though, Ramila Mistry needed to get used to the unlit cavernous interiors and promptly did a ‘pole dance’ holding on to a bamboo pole for support. The others had to negotiate dripping rain water and little puddles because of the inadequate tarpaulin cover. Were it a windy morning, we would probably have been drenched. But everybody agreed that for a mild shower, the mandap was a good stop-gap option -- better than the China Hut.

Vijay Bhai and Arora exchange notes

Despite the dark and dank conditions, excitement in the air was palpable because of India’s dramatic win last night in the ICC Champions Trophy final. Almost everyone had the same story on their lips. Seeing the match slip away from India’s hands, they had switched off the TV post-midnight and retired to bed, convinced that England would lift the trophy in the 20-over truncated match at Birmingham.
“But I was so restless that I could not sleep a wink,” narrated Vijay Bhai, the Garden’s most ardent cricket aficionado. “At 1.00 a.m., I put on the TV again.” That was the time when Ved Prakash Grover also got up and “on an impulse” switched on the TV. So did Ram Shankar Shukla. Srichand Arora was the only one to have watched the entire match uninterrupted and could provide a blow-by-blow account this morning of how, in the death overs, the tide turned in India’s favour and England were to lose by 5 runs in a nail biting finish.
The most amazing part was that these elderly cricket fanatics -- having stayed awake for the prize distribution ceremony till well past 2.00 a.m. -- could still keep their appointment in the Garden today.
Jagmohan Papneja:
It was a narrow and sensational win. The Indian team deserved to win, especially after having won all the matches of the tournament very convincingly. Well done Team India!

Day 1046

Pic of the Week

LONE SENTINEL

Not all those who wander are lost. --Jagmohan Papneja

RUN before the flood waters from Uttarakhand come crashing down! --Bhaswati Bose

Why is he sitting there? The first car to drive past will splash keechad on him! --Anonymous

Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink! --Renu Babani

Oh my God! How can one man create such a huge, embarrassing mess around him?!? --Anonymous

Akele hain, chale aao, jahan ho.../ Kahan awaaz de tumko, jahan ho.
Yeh tanhai ka aalam, aur uspar aapka gam...
A very nice pic Blog Monster. A pic with such a background speaks millions. --Harish Wadhwa

Never Happy

Invoking the weather gods?

When it is hot and sunny, we pray to the heavens for the rains to descend. When the rains descend, we look for shelter. When we get shelter, we want to be out in the open, away from the stuffiness and catch the breeze. When we are out in the open and it is cool and breezy, we want sunshine. When we get the sun, we again pray for the rains…
Today, it was cool and breezy in the morning. With no signs of an immediate downpour, we chose to return to our old corner in the Garden to exercise, only to discover that the grass had grown fractionally during the past few days of rainfall. So that became a new issue. Why had the grass grown?
“Why is it still wet?” grumbled Tara Chand, rolling up his trousers.
“Can’t we find a dry place?” protested Nafisa Sayyad.

Sunita Jajodia

“Who knows how many insects and caterpillars are crawling about in the wet grass,” Khatoon Baig wondered.
“I can’t see the potholes through this grass,” complained Sunita Jajodia, hitching up her saree. “Somebody will fall down. There’s going to be an accident, watch out!”
Ultimately, it was for Srichand Arora to provide a practical solution: “Why don’t you ladies just graze around for some time and feed on the grass?”
“Do we look like cows to you?” countered Sunita in all innocence.
Arora did not respond. When Sunita confronted him again, this time challenging him to munch on the grass, he informed her that lions do not eat grass. The Lion and Lioness Laughter was next up and in order to prove his point, he roared and snarled with extra vigour today. Sunita went on to match him growl for growl, roar for roar. That settled the matter.
Jagmohan Papneja:
Weather is a gift of nature that seeks nothing in return. Humbly accept it.

Motwani Returns

Prakash Motwani is back

After yesterday’s uproarious morning, today’s was somewhat a let-down. Barely four people were present when the exercises started. All the biggies, including Ved Prakash Grover and Santosh Tyagi were among the absentees. But Prakash Motwani was there. He had turned up after five months.
Looking frail and distraught, he said he had lost 13 kilos after his lung ailment got the better of him and rendered him totally bed-ridden. “Since February, I could not just stir out of home because of the weakness,” he narrated. “Now I feel better. The doctors tell me that unless I move out, I will lose confidence in myself. Being homebound was creating psychological problems in me.”
In his typical style, Srichand Arora tried to cheer him: “What are you afraid of when we are here for you? Don’t be nervous. Don’t be afraid of anybody. All you need to do is make a call to any one of us and we will all be at your doorstep within minutes. After all, how many people do you need? Four are enough. We are many more out here!"

Mohankanwar Shekhawat

In a misplaced display of solidarity, the ladies joined Arora in assuring Motwani of their support also, having clearly missed the import of what he was saying. They had to be corrected and all of them retracted, biting their tongues.
Motwani’s problem is clearly poor diagnosis, in spite of having undergone the whole gamut of tests and scans. The lung congestion/ infection persists. Being a vegetarian (‘I don’t take eggs even!’) he feels he is not getting enough nutrition. Yet, he claims to have taken the famous ‘fish medicine’ propagated by the Bathini Goud family of Hyderabad for lung ailments: “It is just that I did not travel to Hyderabad, but swallowed a live fish here at a camp in Mumbai twelve years ago. It did not help.”
In being so preoccupied with Motwani, we did not realize that Mohankanwar Shekhawat had not turned up, today being her birthday. Nevertheless, an extra laugh was raised for her, as has been our practice. Once again, we wish her many happy returns of the day, excellent health and a wonderful life ahead.
Srichand Arora:
Hello Mrs Shekhawat, it’s your birthday today. We all wish you a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY and many, many happy returns of the day. We all had one extra laugh to celebrate the occasion.
Jagmohan Papneja:
On your birthday, Mrs Shekhawat, may all your wishes come true. Also, may you live the life you have always dreamt of. Happy Birthday!

Laughter all the way

Happy Birthday Nahid-bhai

Rumours broke out early morning that Srichand Arora had “joined the other garden”. Many took it seriously because he was not to be seen yesterday also. So when Tara Chand claimed he had seen Arora in Garden No 2, everyone believed him and tongues started wagging… till suddenly, half-way through the exercises, Arora showed up with a knowing smile. The sling was off his shoulders (see post of June 18) and he made light of his condition, declaring that he had outgrown the damn thing. “They don’t make slings my size,” he said. But he was in fine fettle and had gone to the 'other garden' for a stroll.
Arora’s presence was to set off a volley of jokes and jibes with Nafisa Sayyad today bent upon copying every awkward movement he performed with his ‘defective’ arm. She started in slow motion and when he snapped at her (‘You are my pucca dushman’), she retaliated by talking in mute and sign language, knowing well that Arora was a bit hard of hearing.

Monthi Serrao

It was a hilarious sight. As he kept straining his ears and caught all the wrong words, she was on a roll.
But the biggest laughs were reserved for the last. Those who read the blog yesterday (see post) inquired about Qadeer Bano. She had not come today. Soon word got around about the ‘kick-and-cure’ remedy she was seeking from someone born ulta. While many found it bizarre and laughed their heads off, Santosh Tyagi and Tara Chand shook their heads sagely, insisting that such unconventional cures do work. Orthopedic cases are resolved by the kick of people born upside-down.
Instantly Arun Patil suggested that such gifted people should charge Rs500 per kick and by the way, his sister-in-law was born ulta. Ramila Mistry chipped in to say her daughter was also similarly qualified.

Photo op with the birthday girl

Then Monthi Serrao came up with a belly-aching story of how her son used to taken away by a neighborhood woman in Chakala every morning and was returned in the evening, well-fed and happy.
“All day he only kicked and kicked people who came to him complaining of backache,” Monthi narrated. “But when it was my turn, his kicks did not work. I still have my backache and need to use a belt.”
She added that today, her son is a practicing physiotherapist, trained in the U.S., but she would advise him to revive his kicking practice also: “Laath marega, phir uska physiotherapy karega and double income banayega!”
In keeping with this spirit of bonhomie, we danced and sang to Nahid Khan’s birthday as she celebrated with candies and chocolates. For the first time, exercises were disrupted as everyone was keen to dance and cheer her while in the circle. Once again, this is wishing her the very best – a long and healthy life and infinite happiness.
Bhaswati Bose:
Janamdin Mubarak, Bhai! Aap hamesha "form" mein raho aur hamari raksha karte raho.
Srichand Arora:
JANAM DIN KI BAHUT BAHUT BADHAIYAN, BHAI JAAN!
Jagmohan Papneja:
Wish you a very happy birthday, Nahid-ji. I wish also that you continue to conduct our morning exercises for many years to come with the same enthusiasm and energy.

Slow and Fast

Ladies performing the Slow and Fast Laughter

We have a peculiar exercise, Slow and Fast as part of our laughter repertoire. It involves clapping to a normal Ho-Ho Ha-Ha laugh, followed by a rapid Huh! Huh! with both forefingers jerking up at every exhalation. The combination of these two actions is supposed to exercise the vocal chords and tonsils, keeps the thyroid glands healthy and most importantly, clears the lungs of impurities and congestion.
All that is fine. What is not fine is when the entire exercise session becomes an extension of the Slow and Fast Laughter – all because it might rain any time. This is a constant worry while exercising in the open during the monsoons. The pace of exercises slows down and accelerates according to the appearance of the sun and movement of clouds overhead.

Ved Prakash Grover

So every time the Garden turns dark and a silly black cloud looms in the horizon, the ladies would yell ‘jaldi-jaldi’ and insist on rushing through, lest we get drenched. Generally, the ‘teacher’ in the middle obliges. But if it is a Nahid Khan out there, she would continue with her unhurried sing-song ‘One… Twoooooooo… Threeeeeeeeeee…’ no matter what anyone says. People like Razia Khan and Sunita Jajodia get irritated and mimic her, prolonging every count even more.

Qadeer Bano

Others like Arun Patil would urge slowing down still further, arguing that the ‘exercises cannot be reduced to two-minute Maggie noodles’ (whatever that means). In the end, chaos prevails and everybody does their own thing till the heavens come tumbling down.
It did not rain this morning. But we rushed through the exercises so fast that in the end, Khatoon Baig had to angrily show her watch around to prove we were done 10 minutes before time. Before her, Ved Prakash Grover pulled out of the exercises, drew himself a chair and watched us silently. He was already feeling under the weather. And to put up with our erratic pace was just not his scene today.
But the best was Qadeer Bano. She simply walked away without looking behind. Later, she was to clarify that she had come to the Garden not to exercise, but get her backbone fixed by some monkey with a magnet. She said she was in grave agony and if she did not find him, she would have to catch some other chap born ‘ulta’ (upside-down) to put her out of misery. He should be giving her one hard kick where it hurts most and that would cure her back problem the fastest. All other forms of therapy, she believes, is ‘too slow’ to provide any relief.
Bhaswati Bose:
I am now on the lookout for an ulta-born person who can cure me. If he can't, he gets a return kick!
Harish Wadhwa:
Our spouses will gladly oblige with a solid kick to relieve us of any backache. That too at no charge. Try it at home and you will get instant results. All those who get no backaches should take this therapy regularly.
Srichand Arora:
Harish dear, I tried your suggestion but instead of relief from backache, the kick landed on my shoulder and see the result??? Please don't advise such therapy.

A Monsoon Birthday

Kiran Arora

First bite from the doting hubby

It's a Hap-Hap Happy Birthday!

Like they have monsoon weddings, we had a ‘monsoon birthday’ today with Kiran Arora celebrating with mathura ke pede under a dripping tree. As it kept on raining, Srichand Arora escorted his wife in and fed her the first peda while the rest of us sang and clapped, wishing her all happiness in life.
Kiran looked every inch the birthday lady, resplendent in golden yellow-and-orange salwar-kameez, a matching yellow packet and yellow umbrella. Arora though looked slightly off-color, having finally earned a sling to support his left arm following a visit to the orthopedist yesterday. An autorickshaw accident last week (see post of June 11) has left him with a chipped shoulder blade and he is now supposed to undergo a few more tests, including an MRI scan.

Tara Chand Seth

Far from sympathizing with him, Razia Khan demanded to know how he gets to wearing his clothes – now that one arm was out of commission. Arora ignored her out of politeness. Whatever he would say (or demonstrate) may not be suitable for polite company. But Razia would not let go easily. She kept needling him mischievously (“Bataiyye na, Arora-ji”) till it became clear that Razia was only trying to draw out his wife and keep up the birthday cheer. Kiran heard her but pretended not to and maintained a beatific smile.
Actually it was Tara Chand Seth who had set the tone for today’s celebration, even before the Arora couple showed up. “Maal aaney wala hai,” he declared while insisting that regardless of the rains we exercise in the open, rather than take shelter in the Chinese Hut. Even when the drizzle turned to a major downpour and part of the group took to their heels, Tara Chand stood his ground with a dozen others, continuing to exercise. When the rains subsided, the rest returned and this time, the only allowance he made was to shift location under a tree. That was when the Aroras came in loaded with the goodies. “Loh, aa gaye,” Tara Chand announced. “I told you so. Maal aa gaya!”
Harish Wadhwa:
* Birthday 'girl' Kiran-ji is really standing out and glowing in the bright yellow suit. Happy Birthday once again and may we keep getting such nice pedas year after year.
* I hope Arora-ji had got the hint from Kiran-ji's golden colour suit and buys her a matching-matching 10-tole-ka bright yellow metal today as a gift.
* Arora-ji, Bhabhi-ji ka sone ka daant aise nahin nikalne ka!
Jagmohan Papneja:
Life is a journey, enjoy every mile. Happy Birthday Mrs Kiran Arora.
Bhaswati Bose:
Many happy returns of the day, Kiran-ji. 10 tole se aap kya kargegi? Arora-ji ka sone ka dil joh aapke paas hai.

'Gonduranga-Ponduranga'

Exercising in the dry patch outside Chinese Hut during the monsoon

Can there be anything more nonsensical than ‘Gonduranga-Ponduranga… Poh’? Well, the credit for this goes to Nafisa Sayyad, in whose dictionary the words mean ‘Very Good-Very Good… Yeh!’ And today, while transiting from one round of exercises to the next, we all joined her, clapping lustily in chorus to this bizarre expression that sounded suspiciously like an obscenity. Before long, everybody felt guilty.
Trouble was we had run out of all versions of ‘Very Good’ that we knew (including the Hindi ‘Bahut Achche’) – the self-congratulatory exclamation we have been raising to punctuate each round of exercises. So in the past few weeks, we had clapped to ‘Khoob Chhaan’ in Marathi, ‘Dadu Sutho’ in Sindhi, ‘Khoob Bhalo’ in Bengali, ‘Rumba Nalla’ in Tamil, ‘Bohat Vadiya’ in Punjabi, ‘Khoob Srs’ in Gujarati… and suddenly today, we found ourselves at a loss of words. Srichand Arora suggested helpfully that we say, ‘Teri Aisi Ki Taisi’ – the idea being mainly to pull off a laugh.

Muthu (in red singlet) disrupts the exercises

But Nafisa, in all her wisdom and sense of propriety, coined ‘Gonduranga-Ponduranga… Poh’. At that point, we found it more sensible than ‘Teri Aisi Ki Taisi’!
But there is a back story to this. Nafisa was obviously inspired by the Garden’s great unglimaster, Muthuswami who had interrupted our exercises for a few minutes earlier. He sleepwalked as usual through the gate and like an automated robot, chose to divert his line of motion towards our circle. To make matters worse, Arora hailed him, ‘Kar ke aaya, na?’ Have you done it? Now Muthu wanted to understand what was he supposed to do. So he walked right in.
Arora hinted loudly the origin of Muthu's name. In other words, had he answered nature’s call before coming to the Garden? This was a private joke between them to which a few others like Ved Prakash Grover were privy to. Rather than make a scene over it, Muthu chose discretion over valour and made a dignified exit. But from Nafisa’s perspective, the South Indian Muthu could only be a Gonduranga or Ponduranga – if not both.
Jagmohan Papneja:
Sometimes life becomes fairly monotonous and routine. Well, try to do something different. That's exactly what Nafisa attempted to do today by using new words and phrases that made us happy.

Day 1039

Pic of the Week

Sometimes it pays to be tall... and have long arms!

"Let me sneak up and grab a piece while she is not looking!" --Renu Babani

How much advantage tall men have! After all, height matters for achieving desire. --Jagmohan Papneja

Height does matter as Ram Shankar-ji easily sneaks away some goodies from Khatoon-ji. She is enjoying her helplessness being a big dil-wali, as hands from all sides are stealing the sweets away. -- Harish Wadhwa

Lake Lokhandwala

The lake, in the background, has been fashioned out of what was a flowing creek till the 1980s

It was dark and wet in the morning. And still we kept our appointment with the lake (see post of June 13). No sooner were we done with the exercises than Geeta Sardhana led the march to the promised spot – described as a ‘lagoon’ (big difference, huh!) these days.

The 'Fevicol se' dance number

The place is not even one-and-half kilometre from the Garden and yet, many of us lost our way trying to find it. Those who drove up in their car or took auto-rickshaws abandoned the idea after some time and went away.

'Rimjhim girey saawan...'

Hot tea from the source

'Hookah bar...'

But Geeta persisted and like Mary’s little lambs, we followed behind, braving the intermittent shower and cutting through the dense under- growth, overgrowth and sidegrowth… till suddenly, from what looked like a forest clearing, we could see this vast expanse of water – a sheet of whiteness, cool and tranquil. We could not believe our eyes. But the watchman on duty assured us that this was the famous Lokhandwala Lake that has been in the news (for a variety of reasons) lately.
Hot tea came from Badmaash Company's chai adda (courtesy Harish Wadhwa) and Geeta rewarded her intrepid co-travellers with chips and wafers. The combination can never taste better, especially when it is windy and you are soaked to the bones.
But much more was to follow – what with Rehana Shaikh belting out Fevicol Se in her lusty uninhibited and inimitable style, followed by an equally robust number by Fehmida Khan and Harish singing “Rimjhim girey saawan” and Nafisa Sayyad doing a rapid rap version of “Mujhe tumse mohabbat ka…” and Ruksana Khan’s daughter dancing solo to ‘Hookah bar’. It was all impromptu, spontaneous and unrehearsed while tea flowed as though from a tap. Even Srichand Arora, who, despite an aching shoulder, was not short of his pranks – at one point demanding that he be poured hot tea direct from the flask since we had run out of plastic cups. Truly, everyone was in a boisterous mood – to let their hair down and freak out in the rain.
From fleeting moments like these, lasting memories are made.
Srichand Arora:
Wow, the morning was amazing! Our group of 20-plus members enjoyed the wet weather. We could cover ourselves with the many umbrellas we had, but who cares? And then the hot cups of tea with chips, diet chiwda, lhatta mitha etc. Thank you Geeta-ji, all this was possible because of you!
Bhaswati Bose:
We know how to have a blast, no matter where we are -- at a faraway resort or the neighborhood lake. Singing and dancing in the rain with endless rounds of tea and snacks... what a way to celebrate the monsoon showers! Thank you Harish and Badmaash Co for the tea and Geeta for the eats.

Chain Snatching Scare

Mock drill: Who keeps these bangles?

Chain snatchers are on the prowl again. With monsoon setting in and fewer people on the streets these days, unaccompanied ladies on their morning walk are feeling particularly vulnerable. To raise their nervousness, they are being stopped by beat cops on deserted stretches and warned not to wear/ display gold ornaments on their person.
“This morning one policeman shouted at me from a jeep while I was making my way to the Garden,” narrated Ruksana Khan, one of the regulars for our exercises. “At first I did not understand. He ordered me to hide all the gold I was wearing. I told him they were fake. But he did not listen. Quickly I removed them into my purse and came running to the Garden.”
“Arrey baba, a tall hatta-katta plainclothes man accosted me the other day,” chipped in Nafisa Sayyad. “He also told me to remove all my gold ornaments and hide them. I said I had no gold on me, which is a fact. I don’t wear gold. But he did not believe me.

Nafisa Sayyad

His appearance was so fearsome that I did not argue any further and came straight to the Garden. These days you never say who is a genuine cop and who could be a fake."
Her style of narrating triggered a volley of guffaws, the ladies obviously drawing comfort from not wearing gold as a precautionary measure. The only exception was Qadeer Bano who had a set of gold bangles, a lovely gold chain and huge, gold earrings. Everybody warned her that she was putting her life in peril, but the lady was nonchalant: “If the robbers have to take them, let them, what can I do?”
Promptly Razia Khan grabbed her wrist and pulled out four bangles. “Give them to me,” she demanded. “You don’t have to give them to the robbers.” But before she could put the bangles on, Bhaswati Bose leapt in and tried to wrench them from her. “I want those bangles,” she insisted. The ensuing tug-of-war became an amusing mock drill of resisting a robbery bid, while other ladies standing by wistfully asked Qadeer if she would also part with her gold chain so easily.
“Chain maybe, but not these ear rings,” she declared, obviously a little wiser now.

Out of the Box

Geeta Sardhana

As the clamor for a ‘monsoon picnic’ gets increasingly strident, Geeta Sardhana today came up with something completely out-of-the-box. On Saturday (i.e. the day-after tomorrow) soon after the exercises, why not set out on a walk to Lokhandwala Lake, just off the Back Road? Those who want to join her are welcome and would be rewarded with a cup of tea at the end of the mile-long expedition.
As almost everyone in the group raised their hand, Sitaram Hivarkar raised a few questions: “Suppose it rains where do we go? Is there any house or shed nearby or some arrangement for us to take shelter? Is it really necessary to undertake this walk? How far is this place? Is it clean? Where exactly is the lake…"
Significantly, barring three or four members present, nobody has seen the lake. All they know is some local environment activists are up in arms with builders at preserving the ecological sanctity of the lake. Nothing more.

Dark and Dreamy: The weather in the mornings

Even Geeta, who is familiar with every flowering shrub, mushroom and herbal plant growing wild in our Garden, has absolutely no clue where the lake is located. And yet she will be leading the group. “The walk will be a welcome diversion from our regular routine,” explained the lady, who actually wanted to go there today itself. “The weather is so beautiful, so let us make the most of it. It will be a very pleasant walk, a new experience for all of us.”
Indeed, after the first monsoon shower last week-end (see post of June 10), the mornings have turned heavenly. The skies continue to be overcast and with just about a hint of a drizzle off and on and a light breeze blowing across all the time, this is just the weather that must not be wasted indoor at home. Our periodic plans and proposals for a day picnic have remained just that. Nothing seems to be working out.
At least this walk sounds doable. And it promises to be fun, even if it rains cats and dogs on Saturday.
Harish Wadhwa:
One day exercise in the Garden is more than a mile walk to the lake. So let us have the chai session in the Garden itself. It has adequate shelter, a loo, doctor, juice-wala and... friends. We can plan the lake trip once we know its whereabouts. Will it be accompanied with sweets, fafda-jalebi, kachori, biscuits, toast...? Just curious to know.

Two Double Celebrations

Barfis from Khatoon Baig...

...and Siddhivinayak prasad from Sitaram Hivarkar

Khatoon Baig waited eight days to celebrate her birthday. And for all good reasons. There was to be a new member arriving in her family. And now, with son Naved blessed with a baby boy, Khatoon has realized her long-cherished desire of turning grandmother.
“I am really very happy,” the ecstatic lady said time and again as she distributed barfis to celebrate the occasion. “Everyone from my time had become grandma and I was feeling somewhat left out. Now I have no reason to feel deprived.”
Khatoon informed that the family had already found a name for the baby. “We shall call him Roohan,” she declared with visible pride. “He looks so much like my son. All those who have seen him are saying that he has taken on from his father.”
If Khatoon was making a double celebration of birthdays, Sitaram Hivarkar was not far behind, literally. He came in with a box of luddoos – blessed by Lord Ganapati at Siddhivinayak Temple – to celebrate not only his, but granddaughter Anaya’s birthday which coincided yesterday (see post). Dressed stylishly in the blue Club cap, white T-shirt, checked capris with sneakers and his soldier-like socks pulled up to knee, the birthday boy looked unusually young and dashing for his age.
Little wonder, everybody insisted that he step in the middle to conduct the free-hand exercises today. And the way Sitaram went about it, the Geetanjali Express (to quote Ramila Mistry) would be put to shame. With extra zest and relish, he rushed us through in double quick time with a clear ten minutes to spare in the end. After all, that’s what the spirit of youth is all about.
Once again, we wish Sitaram and Anaya the very best on their birthday. And of course, our heartiest congratulations go to Naved and his charming wife -- not to forget, the world's blessings be showered on little Roohan.
Harish Wadhwa:
* I too had a double dose of luddoos. I got one from Kajal Babani-ji, who parted with her share while I was on my way to the Garden. The second one came from Sitaram-ji himself. May you all keep healthy and keep treating me to such luddoos year after year. Happy Birthday once again.
* A special greeting to Khatoon-ji for becoming a grand mother and thanks for the sweets. But you know, this elevation of status comes with the responsibility of changing nappies, late night outs and baby sittings! So get ready for more work with pleasure (LOL)!
* Happy Birthday to dear Anaya too and a lot of blessings to Naved-miyan and his wife, for becoming proud parents.

Odd Man Out

Arora exercises one arm only 

As with any organization, the Club has many people whose presence, particularly for the exercises, is taken for granted. Likewise, there are members whose absence is taken for granted. There are also some whose presence or absence, either way, does not matter. And then we have a select few whose absence, even for a day, calls for explanation.
Srichand Arora was to learn this today when he was ticked off by Nahid Khan for not turning up yesterday. Like many others, he had taken the morning off because of the rains. But he had an additional reason. On his way back from Sion last Friday, the auto-rickshaw he was traveling in collided with a car, leaving him badly hurt.
The injury on his left shoulder is particularly grave and might require a sling. Yet, he came today for the exercises.

Happy Birthday Sitaram Hivarkar

Far from commending him for the effort, everyone wanted to know how he could abscond without prior intimation yesterday. He was the Arora, after all!
His awkward one-arm exercising itself became the butt of many jokes. Santosh Tyagi was however, more concerned about the damage caused to the car by bumping into Arora. And when Tara Chand Seth wanted to know how many females there were in the car, Arora lost his cool. “I had given you a one-way ticket to Delhi,” he shouted at Tara Chand. “How did you get back?”
Incidentally Arora, along with Sitaram Hivarakar and Yusuf Rassiwala, was to call on Bapu Rane’s widow yesterday and present her the commemorative album (see post of June 8) on behalf of the Club. Apparently, the rains put paid to their plans and now it seems, Sitaram has sent word that he is not available today.
Fact is Sitaram is celebrating his birthday at the Siddhivinayak Temple. He has turned 75 today. What’s more, his birthday coincides with his granddaughter’s. Last year on this day (see posts of June 11 and 12, 2012) he had thrown a grand party at GMS Banquet Hall, D.N.Nagar to which we were all invited. It now seems like yesterday.
As we await our share of prasad from Siddhivinayak, here’s wishing Sitaram many happy returns of the day – a wonderful life ahead, good health and complete peace of mind.
Jagmohan Papneja:
Sitaram-ji, on your 75th birthday, my best wishes for a wonderful day filled with plenty of smiles and laughter.
Harish Wadhwa:
* Sitaram-ji, many happy returns on your diamond jubilee birthday. May Ganpati-ji bless you with a clear century.
* We deeply sympathise with the car-wali who had hit Arora-ji's auto. The damage must have been severe. Sorry, sorry... We sympathise deeply with Arora-ji who got hit for no reason. Get well soon Arora-ji. Just can't digest even the thought of a prominent member of the Club getting injured like this. God bless you with a quick recovery. Aap bole toh, hum sarey car walon ki thukai kar dete hain!
Srichand Arora:
* Thanks a lot to all of you and especially, Harish-ji. I appreciate your concern and that is why we are together in the Club as each one of us is about all. Thanks once again.
* Harish-ji, car wale ko thokna nahin kyon ki pahale hi muzse takra kar total damage ka full claim daala hai.
* Sitaram-ji, aapko janm din ki koti-koti badhaiyan. Ishwar se prarthana hai aapki zindagi bahut hi khushiyon se bhari hui ho.
Harish Wadhwa:
Arora-ji theek kaha aapne. Par humne suna hai ki woh car-wali thi, na ke car-wala! Aur kyon ki woh khubsoorat car-wali thee, aap apna damage claim wapis le lein. Uss jati ke logon ke liye sab maaf hai !

Monsoon Arrives

Lord Varuna must have been a member of our laughter club at some time. He was considerate enough not to hassle us by sending the rains on a weekday. We needed to be prepared after all. So he waited patiently till Sunday, knowing it would be our day off. And only then did he bring in the monsoon – with a BANG!

Tara Chand Seth

The torrential downpour continued relentlessly well into the morning today. The whole Garden was literally under water, barring parts of the walking track and a few patches of green here and there. Till 6:45 a.m., not a soul was to be seen. A few wet crows cawed soulfully and suddenly, from nowhere, a pack of frightened stray dogs darted across the Garden, an equally crazed watchman hot on their heels.
Midway through exercising in the Chinese Hut, Tara Chand Seth came in, gleefully wading through the swirling rainwater. He had returned from Delhi yesterday and everybody thanked him profusely for bringing the rains with him and providing much-needed relief from the sweltering heat and humidity of the last many weeks.

Nahid Khan and Laxmi join Badmaash Company for tea

Always ready with an answer, he quipped gamely, "Isi liye toh aaya hoon." His return was greeted by an extra laugh at the end of the exercises.
Pleasant as the weather was, a peculiar problem cropped up. Some people with weak bladders could not use the toilet in the Garden as it was supposed to be overflowing and hence, out-of-bounds. As they kept grumbling among themselves, a smart alec came up with a brilliant idea: “Why go to that stinking toilet? Just step out in the rain, get drenched properly and relieve yourself in your pants while walking. Nobody will make out… I’ve just done it!” Somehow, the advice brought a look of relief on many distraught faces.
The rains provided the perfect reason for piping hot tea at Badmaash Company’s traditional adda. So Nahid Khan and her friend, Laxmi joined the gang as special guests today. They made for great company – just that Srichand Arora and Arun Patil were not there to be part of the fun.
Harish Wadhwa:
* Don't get carried away by that weird suggestion and attempt the despicable act. Please follow what Vidya Balan has been promoting: Samajdar bano 'shoch' banvao, aur kaam mein bhi lao. Khule mein nahin karne ka kya! Hee hee.
* Welcome to our Badmaash group, Nahid-ji and Laxmi-ji. We may be defamed, but in reality are humble souls.

Day 1032

Pic of the Week

Even the dumper knows what exactly is to be done with this man.

But I thought a dumper is meant for dumping garbage? --Bhaswati Bose

Heave ho, away I go... Can anyone claim such a spectacular free drop to his destination? --Renu Babani

He has decided to buy a dumper out of personal choice and priority. This must be endorsed. --Jagmohan Papneja

I am being dumped by this stupid machine and you are all merrily posting comments? Please come forward and save me. Don't dump me (LOL) like this! They possibly mistook me to be a trouble maker at the chai session. Ask my Badmaash colleagues. --Harish Wadhwa

Harish-bhai, do you honestly want an answer to that? --Renu Babani

Parting Gift

Rane's commemorative album: THE MAN & HIS MOODS

Browsing through the album

The photo album to be presented to Bapu Rane’s family is ready. Yusuf Rassiwala came in specially to have a look at it. So did Srichand Arora – in spite of the grievous injuries he had sustained on his arms and knees from an autorickshaw accident yesterday. Even Renu and Kishor Babani were there. And of course, all of Rane’s old-time friends – Sitaram Hivarkar, Ved Prakash Grover, Monthi Serrao, Nahid Khan, Jagmohan Papneja… they were all there.
Titled The Man and His Moods, the album is nothing but a ‘humble tribute’ from the Club in the form of a compilation of photographs, both in colour and b&w on late Bapu Rane. It captures the spirit of a man who meant so much to us – his jack-in-the-box liveliness, simplicity, honest-to-goodness attitude, the childish pranks he used to play and most importantly, the joy he had brought through the many carefree mornings he shared with us in the Garden.
There are images of him conducting the exercises, of leading the prayers, the monkey dance he used to perform with Shekhawat, Holi revelry, Arora feeding him luddoos, he singing the national anthem on Independence Day, the last birthday he celebrated with us in December 2012, his recent hospitalization… Memories of those moments are now frozen for posterity in this single-edition commemorative album.
On Monday evening, three senior members from the Cub will visit Rane’s home and formally present the album to his widow. It shall be the 11th day since he bid us adieu forever.
Renu Babani:
The album was so beautiful. It was a touching gesture, no doubt. The heartfelt messages from all members showed how much he meant to us. Mr Rane, you were God's special gift to us. And now He has taken you back. He couldn't bear the separation.
Jagmohan Papneja:
This is a unique way of paying tribute to the departed soul. It is also a reflection of keeping alive memories of late Rane-ji's association with the BIG LAAF family. This would not have been possible without Bose Babu's highly imaginative and creative ideas, which enabled us to dedicate this grand album.
Harish Wadhwa:
The album indeed has come out very good and is an apt tribute to someone we loved so much but who is no more with us. His various moods reflected in so many pics show how lively and good-hearted Rane-ji was. Superb idea in making this 'memories-album'. I am sure his family will be touched to see it.

Trying Times

Prakash Motwani

Prakash Motwani is ill. Very ill. In being preoccupied with Bapu Rane and Shekhawat’s health, we did not notice that Motwani had stopped coming to the Garden after his last birthday on January 31. It is more than four months since. Now his wife informs that he is down with a severe asthmatic attack and virtually bed-ridden for the past one month. He has become so weak that let alone visit the Garden, he does not have the strength to move around indoors. Worse, he is not responding to medication. “The asthma condition usually gets acute during the rains,” she said. “But this time it has hit him very badly in the summer. We are worried about what might happen once the monsoon sets in.”
On the phone, Motwani sounded breathless and confused as he tried to explain that what began as lung congestion soon developed into a serious infection that refuses to go away: “I have been changing doctors.

Nahid Khan needs a breather

Now Dr Maheshwari of Four Bungalows is seeing me. He is very expensive. But even he cannot diagnose properly. I need to be on a nebulizer four times a day. Worst of all, I have lost weight by nearly 10 kilos. This is most worrying. The doctors cannot figure out anything. They are giving me only vitamins.”

Basic fundas of a complete health check-up

Motwani joins the list of members who have been maintaining indifferent health for long – Hari Naraiyani, Harbans Kaur, Nazma Sayyad, Bhaswati Bose… Nafisa Sayyad has diabetes which keeps her homebound at odd intervals. Even Arun Patil has a heart condition (that he does not want to admit) which showed up after a series of confirmatory tests last week. Today, despite the pleasant weather, Nahid Khan suddenly complained of giddiness and excused herself midway through conducting the exercises. It seems of late, she is having these near-fainting fits frequently.
Alarmed by the rising incidence of ailments around, Jagmohan Papneja did the wise thing of getting a full body check-up done – which happily puts him in the clear, except for a border-line sugar problem. According to the papers he showed us this morning, this detailed check-up costing Rs 13,500 is now available to senior citizens at a discounted price of Rs5,500 only. It is time we follow Jagmohan’s example and get ourselves checked also. As he says, prevention is better than cure.
Jagmohan Papneja:
A healthy, balanced diet and exercising daily can prevent many health-related problems. Heart ailments, diabetes, B.P., etc. can be taken care of at early stages. Negligence of a disease leads to complications and deterioration. Going to doctors at a later stage is not only expensive but can also endanger life. Preventive measures lead to a healthy and happy life.
A Well Wisher:
Mr Motwani should go to Hyderabad and swallow a live fish. I guarantee, he will be cured.